The 100 Greatest Movie Threats of All Time

     June 1, 2011


Wednesdays suck. We all know it and we all do everything we can to make the day go by as painlessly as possible. Today a nice little video has hit the internet to help the rough midweek marker pass by a little more smoothly. Feeling frustrated today? I guarantee you aren’t nearly as frustrated as anyone in this video. It’s a compilation of the 100 Greatest Movie Threats Of All Time. Like any compilation like this, there’s a good chance one or two of your favorite lines aren’t included, but the video is pretty damn comprehensive. We’re talking about lines from everything from Full Metal Jacket and Goodfellas to Con Air and Home Alone. If you can think of a better video to help blow off some Wednesday steam than this compilation featuring the likes of Schwarzenegger, Pacino, Stallone, Cage, and a puppet from Team America tearing some offscreen a-hole a new one, we’d like to hear it. Hit the jump to see the clip in all of its NSFW glory.

Here’s the compilation of the 100 Greatest Movie Threats Of All Time courtesy of Pajiba.

full-metal-jacket-movie-image-r-lee-emery-01All in all, a pretty damn hilarious compilation combining everything from action movies to comedies, gangster pictures and family films. There are some real gems in there that I’d completely forgotten about and closing on the highlight of Steven Segal’s “acting” career was a pretty great touch. I don’t know who this Harry Hanrahan character is, but god bless him for cutting together such a hilarious video. In case you don’t have 11 minutes necessary to watch this video or have someone with a sensitive set of ears near by who can’t take naughty language, here are a few of my favorites lines from the video that somehow read even funnier completely out of context.

  • “Either put on those glasses or start easting that trash can.”
  • “I’ll kick your ass so hard, you’ll have to unbutton your collar to shit.”
  • “I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head.”
  • “I’m going to punch you in the ovary. That’s what I’m going to do. Straight shot. Right to the baby maker”
  • “I’ll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you’ll shit all over your balls.”
  • “Have you ever been dragged to the sidewalk and beaten until you PISS BLOOD!” (delivered as only Nic Cage could scream those words)
  • “I will shit IN you.”

And in the interest of full disclosure, here’s a list of all the films featured in the clip (some show up more than once). Did you notice any glaring omissions that you wished made the cut? Surely Bruce Campbell should have been featured in there somewhere, right?

The Limey, Law Abiding Citizen, Cape Fear (1962), Fargo, Scarface, Back to the Future Part III, Tombstone, Coogan’s Bluff, They Live, Laughing Policeman, The Dead Pool, Casino, Full Metal Jacket, Major Payne, In the Loop, Good Morning Vietnam, Midnight Run, The Departed, The Big Lebowski, The Blues Brothers, Coming to America, Punch-Drunk Love, Goodfellas, Casino, Carlito’s Way, Kill Bill, Sudden Impact, Pulp Fiction, Way of the Gun, Scream, Trading Places, The Running Man, Full Metal Jacket, A Few Good Men, Smokey and the Bandit, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Speed, Gangs of New York, Miller’s Crossing, Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, The Wizard of Oz, The Long Kiss Goodnight, The Shining, Anchorman, The Man, Tank Girl, Diner, Mulan, The Goonies, In the Loop, Team America: World Police, New Jack City, Training Day, Robocop, Animal House, Harvey, Talladega Nights, The Warriors, Rocky IV, Matchstick Men, Way of the Gun, The Big Lebowski, Stand By Me, Commando, The Shawshank Redemption, Welcome to Collinwood, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Anchorman, Step Brothers, Tommy Boy, Home Alone, Sexy Beast, Robocop, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Breakfast Club, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Untouchables, Unforgiven, The Prophecy, True Romance, Casino, Payback, Inglourious Basterds, Ripley’s Game, Way of the Gun, Pulp Fiction, Home Alone, Con Air, American History X, Man On Fire, Taken, Patriot Games, Tropic Thunder, There Will Be Blood, Dead Man’s Shoes, Robocop, Rambo: First Blood, Predator, Hard to Kill.

  • Al

    Tarantino has the best threats

  • jared

    I’d add “I’d take pleasure in guttin you boy”

    • Chemical Superfreak!

      That was the 1st line I thought of when I was about to watch.
      Disappointed it’s not in their.

      “”I’d take pleasure in guttin’ you, boy. I’d take pleasure in guttin’ you… boy.” What is wrong with these people, huh? Mason? Don’t you think there’s a lot of, uh, a lot of anger flowing around this island? Kind of a pubescent volatility? Don’t you think? A lotta angst, a lot of “I’m sixteen, I’m angry at my father” syndrome? I mean grow up! We’re stuck on an island with a bunch of violence-for-pleasure-seeking psycophatic marines, SHAME-ON-THEM!”

  • Jesus

    “I find your lack of faith disturbing” – Darth Vader in Star Wars/Me in The Passion of the Christ

  • Phil Beta

    Adam Sandler sucks at threats.

    Just missed a couple of those. Great movies, all of them.

  • furiousangel

    Where is Bruce Willis? Expendables threat? Die hard? He is the best at this.