2009 was another big year for movies thanks to, in varying degrees, the recession, 3D ticket prices and Taylor Lautner's abs. For funsies we have compiled a fairly trivial movie calendar for the year that was. Here you will find all the big events that, for whatever reason, may not have gotten a lot of media coverage. Hit the jump to begin reminiscing about the past 12 months:
January
9- David S. Goyer does his best to stop Odette
Yustman from ever getting another leading role in a film. (The Unborn)
16- Mall cops lose what little public respect they had. (Paul Blart: Mall Cop)
23- Brendan Fraser ruins an otherwise perfectly good British film. (Inkheart)
30- Liam Neeson gains 20,000 cool points. (Taken)
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February
6- Steve Martin makes a big mistake. (The Pink Panther 2)
13- The rules of scary movies are upheld. (Friday the 13th)
20- Madea goes to jail. Finally. (Madea Goes to Jail)
27- Video game enthusiasts continue to wait for a good film adaptation. (Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li)
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March
6- The Rorschach vs. Batman debate is
rekindled. (Watchmen)
13- Dwayne Johnson loses 10,000 cool points. (Race to Witch Mountain)
20- Much to the chagrin of linguists, "Man-date" and "Bromance" officially enter the lexicon. (I Love You, Man)
27- A debate concerning unlawful imprisonment does not occur. (Monsters vs. Aliens)
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April
3- Sharp increase in speeding tickets is
observed. (Fast and Furious)
10- Goku is revealed to be a white Canadian. (Dragonball)
17- Zac Efron begins to establish a career. Just like the Mayans predicted. (17 Again)
24- Looking for critical acclaim, Jamie Foxx is either 4 months late or 7 months early, depending on your perspective. (The Soloist)
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May
1- "Wolverine sucks" becomes a trending topic on
Twitter.
8- "Jessica Biel" is the most searched phrase on Google. (Powder Blue)
15- Tom Hanks cashes a paycheck. (Angels and Demons)
21- Christian Bale stars in a 2.5 hour PSA on the dangers of smoking. (Terminator: Salvation)
22- Men across start to wonder why the star of Steven Soderbergh's latest film looks so familiar. (The Girlfriend Experience)
29- Loan officers decide to start granting extensions. (Drag Me To Hell)
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June
5- Bradley Cooper has a very good day. (The Hangover)
12- Eddie Murphy and Denzel Washington both wish it were 1987 again. (Imagine That/Taking of Pelham 123)
19- Ryan Reynolds stars in a break-out role. Again. (The Proposal)
24- Robot-human race relations take a step backwards. (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)
26- The new Jack Donaghy movie tanks. Exit polls show it is way too melodramatic. (My Sister's Keeper)
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July
1- Bruce Wayne proves that time travel is possible. (Public Enemies)
10- Hayden Panetierre reconsiders leaving Heroes. (I Love You, Beth Cooper)
15- Dumbledore dies. Two people are shocked. They are my parents. (Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince)
24- Not realizing he has become a movie star, Zach Galifinakis teams up with talking hamsters. (G-Force)
31- Judd Apatow misses a chance to level-up. (Funny People)
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August
7- In the words of Linda Richman, Meryl Streep is "butter." (Julie/Julia)
14- A debate concerning unlawful imprisonment does occur. (District 9)
21- Brad Pitt gets his scalps. (Inglorious Basterds)
28- Halloween arrives two months early. (Halloween II)
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September
4- Bradley Cooper has a very bad day. (All About Steve)
9- Fanboys are reminded that, sometimes, too much anticipation can be a bad thing. (9)
11- TNT considers buying a Tyler Perry drama to complement the comedies on TBS. (I Can do Bad All by Myself)
18- Megan Fox gets Strike Two. (Jennifer's Body)
25- Young couples are given a new reason to set up night-vision in their bedrooms. (Paranormal Activity)
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October
2- Woody Harrelson releases a home movie. (Zombieland)
9- Fanboys regret vowing to see every Kristin Bell that is released. (Couples Retreat)
16- Hipsters stop listening to ironically named obscure bands and go to the movies. (Where the Wild Things Are)
23- Somewhere, a young child sees Antichrist. This is how Uwe Bolls are made.
28- Best not to speak ill of the dead. (This is It)
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November
6- Laura Mulvey begins work on a special, goats-themed edition of her collected works. (The Men Who Stare at Goats)
13- The world ends three years earlier than anticipated. (2012)
20- There is a disturbance in the Force. (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
25- The bad economy is put into perspective. (The Road)
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December
4- People start treating Tobey Maguire better. (Invictus)
11- Morgan Freeman describes his next role, portraying China's Chairman Mao, as a "unique challenge." (Invictus)
18- The Force moves back into alignment. (Avatar)
25- Steve Martin redeems himself. (It's Complicated)