Jason Vorhees, the undeniable king of violent physical comedy, has killed a number of people since his first murderous outing in 1981’s Friday the 13th Part 2. He’s a homicidal harlequin, and I have enjoyed his antics ever since I was old enough to cause my 2nd grade teacher to request a meeting with my parents.

Over the decades, the Friday the 13th franchise has provided Jason with a number of opportunities to kill the absolute shit out of his victims in delightfully inventive ways. To celebrate A) Halloween, B) the 40th anniversary of the original Friday the 13th, and C) the release of Scream Factory’s incredible Friday the 13th box set, I have compiled a complete list of every single Jason Vorhees kill in the Friday series, ranking each one according to bodacity, brutality, and general awesomeness. Please note that I have omitted the two films in which Jason did not appear (Part 1 and Part 5), as well as any deaths that were not directly caused by Jason. You are free to disagree with my rankings, but please be aware that you are wrong.

137. Lady Cop Head Smush

Jason, possessing the body of the drunkest man at your high school reunion, smashes Elderly Lady Cop’s head open against a locker. Meh.

136. Offscreen Scream

Mrs. Jarvis gets surprised by a mischievous Jason and dies offscreen. This was gearing towards the film’s original ending, in which the heroine would find her mom in the bathtub and Jason would come back to life and attack her.

135. Weenie Paintball Man Destruction

Weenie paintball guy heroically fires a warning pellet into Jason’s chest, and then scurries off into the underbrush to die offscreen. The Sheriff later finds his severed arm and leg and nothing else. I assume Jason ate the rest of him.

134. Hot Girl Terry

Hot Girl Terry comes to the aid of King Sex Pest only to discover he has been macheted into the next world. She turns and screams into the camera, which in this scene is playing the role of Jason’s face, and then dies offscreen.

133. Drunk Axe

After spending all of his meager screen time mugging drunkenly into the camera, the crazy alcoholic crewman gets an axe in his back offscreen.

132. Captain Throat Slash

The captain gets his throat slashed. Simple. Elegant. Classic Jason.

131. Jason Kills Stone Cold

Jason smashes some Stone Cold Steve Austin looking motherfucker into the wall until his head splits open. In his defense, this is Jason’s version of giving someone a “hell yeah.”

130. Neck Stab

Broke down car girl Jane gets stabbed in the back and then staked through the throat to a tree. Nothing fancy, but it’s the first kill in the movie. This is Jason limbering up, he doesn’t want to blow his quads later when he gorilla-presses a star athlete onto a flagpole.

129. Door Jam

Jason throws a general through a steel door hard enough to take it off its hinges. He then uses this distraction to somehow teleport behind the woman in the next room. He must’ve run a quick lap around the entire building just for the sake of dramatic tension. Jason is a theater kid, confirmed.

128. Dead Soldier

Nameless Army Dude gets hung by a chain offscreen. The others discover him with a sheet over his head in the restraints Jason was being kept in. Jason loves his pranks. He always manages to find a way to have a good time.

127. Space Marine Neck Snap

Jason stealth kills a space marine by grabbing him from behind and quietly snapping his neck. I have no idea why he is suddenly concerned with keeping a low profile, the man is usually as loud as a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper.

126. Pee Teen

Jason, inhabiting the body of a middle-aged man with high cholesterol, hacks an unsuspecting Peeing Teen to death. This is the only time in the series our man Jason Bournes someone to death. We later see her body staked to a tree, because Jason has an obsession with tidiness.

125. Rape Thug #2

1980s Rape Thug #2 tries unsuccessfully to shoot Jason, so Jason grabs him by the head and smashes his skull through a steam pipe. More of a pro wrestling move than anything else.

124. Needle Stab

A shopkeeper’s hen-pecking wife gets stabbed in the back with a knitting needle through a door. This happens in glorious 3-Dimensions.

123. Chain Combo

Jason beats several army dudes to death with a chain like Ghost Rider. This is fine.

122. Back Breaker

Jason breaks some nerd in half on his knee in a holodeck because he does not give a fuck about your electronic whimsy.

121. Fox Hunt

Biker Fox gets impaled through the neck by a pitchfork and stuck to a support beam in the barn several feet off the ground. We only see the aftermath, which is presented in glorious 3-Dimensions.

120. Solid Jason

Jason pops up behind a space marine and slits her throat offscreen with his surgical machete. She comes stumbling towards another space marine in the following scene to gurgle out a farewell. It’s fine.

119. Future Stab

Jason impales a young crewmember with a surgical machete, then drags him off to… somewhere. Seriously, I’m pretty sure we never see this guy again. I assume Jason stuffed him in a toilet and flushed him out into space.

118. Country Slaughter

A creepy local farmer steals some weed from Jason and goes back to his barn, but Jason cannot abide this and stalks him inside to slash his throat with a machete. You do not touch Jason’s weed.