New CANYONS Trailer Reveals a Terrible Movie with Lindsay Lohan and Porn Star James Deen

by     Posted 2 years, 5 days ago

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I was willing to give indie sexual thriller The Canyons after its first trailer promised a gritty, grindhouse feel, but the follow-up trailer for director Paul Schrader’s picture takes a whole new spin on things by playing up a 1950s melodramatic tone. Both trailers are clearly poking fun at the film itself with the first being more successful because it didn’t show any actual scenes of dialogue. They should have stuck with that plan. Principal actors Lindsay Lohan and porn star James Deen are unbearable for even this ninety-second trailer, so I can just imagine what sort of torture is in store for audiences when the indie film debuts “on an internet server of your choice.” Hit the jump to see for yourself.

Check out the new trailer below (via Heat Vision). If you make it through the whole thing, let me know how it ends:

Here’s the synopsis for The Canyons:

THE CANYONS is a contemporary L.A. noir from director Paul Schrader, writer Bret Easton Ellis, and producer Braxton Pope about the dangers of sexual obsession and ambition, both personally and professionally, among a group of young people in their 20′s and how one chance meeting connected to the past unravels all of their lives, resulting in deceit, paranoia, cruel mind games and ultimately violence.

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  • Brandon Avery

    WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?!

  • John

    What are you talking bout Dave? i personally thought the trailer was pretty good, its a porno right?This movie is going to take home the most prestigious award in the industry which is Best Film at the 2013 AVN Awards

  • Grayden

    Clearly this is a movie not to be taken seriously. At all. I’ve seen better acting in porn, actually. I get the noir vibe, but its terrible, b-movie noir. I can’t imagine Lohan having done much better in the Lovelace biopic she dropped out of.

  • B

    The Canyons teasers are what it is… teasers. Paul Shraeder indicated that he wants to do some sort of playful fun with the different era’s with ‘The Canyons’ teasers after finally giving a real trailer to its release. He has said in the beginning of production of how La Lohan has portrayed some of her characters of different actresses in the old hollywood way. I’m hoping this film will be great as well. But I understand Paul S. doing something like this and respect his creative ideas in doing something that he can do, which most probably any studio would cancel it immediately. Give him open reigns and let them have fun. But when the real film comes or even a real trailer… let’s have fun with him. Don’t take it seriously right now everyone… that was the whole point. Try and get it this time.

  • B

    The Canyons teasers are what it is… teasers. Paul Shraeder indicated that he wants to do some sort of playful fun with the different era\’s with \’The Canyons\’ teasers after finally giving a real trailer to its release. He has said in the beginning of production of how La Lohan has portrayed some of her characters of different actresses in the old hollywood way. I\’m hoping this film will be great as well. But I understand Paul S. doing something like this and respect his creative ideas in doing something that he can do, which most probably any studio would cancel it immediately. Give him open reigns and let them have fun. But when the real film comes or even a real trailer… let\’s have fun with him. Don\’t take it seriously right now everyone… that was the whole point. Try and get it this time.

  • Brett

    Lol that was hilarious.

  • Amina

    Wait… is this the sequal to The Room?

  • Kennelk

    I don’t understand….what the hell just happened. I think I blacked out for a moment. I get the whole “this isn’t supposed to be taken seriously” angle. But isn’t the point of a trailer that it’s supposed to make people curious and actually want to see the film? If I never hear anything about this film ever again, I’ll die a happy man.

  • annonemoose

    ‘the fuck did I just watch?

  • Sean B

    Yeesh, All I know is she damn well better be naked in this if they hope to take home even 50 bucks in box office receipts.

  • yurine

    This is bomb harder than the oogieloves.

  • Lyubo Gri

    Simply awful

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