HULK SAYS: CHECK OUT LIST OF TOP TEN HYPOTHETICAL COMIC BOOK MOVIES BY FAMOUS DIRECTORS

Even Shakespeare based most of what he wrote on pre-existing plays, and audiences of his day looked forward to the latest interpretation of a classic story the way we now look forward to the latest interpretation of, well, a crappy old comic book.  Not exactly as erudite, but lately it seems like most of our cinematic auteurs feel as if their legacies won’t be complete unless they crank out their own takes on Batman, Superman or The Hulk.  With that in mind, here’s a little hypothetical list of how the great directors of our time might have sunk their teeth into the lowbrow genre of comic book adaptations.

ORSON WELLES –Forced into low-budget independent production by his ongoing love/hate relationship with Hollywood, Welles shoots a version of Superman starring himself.  Frustrated with every cut of the film, he releases his own version, which features badly-synced dialogue, Joseph Cotton as the Joker, Agnes Moorhead as Catwoman, and several fifteen minute sequences in which a heavier-than-usual Superman cannot get out of the phone booth.

QUENTIN TARANTINO – The Justice League of America all sit around talking about pop culture, and then Hawkman’s head is hacked off.

FRANCOIS TRUFFAUT – The bittersweet boyhood of the Flash is examined in a documentary-style film in which he flees his unhappy home life and wanders dissolutely around Paris at high speed.

ROB REINER – Wonder Woman takes time out from whining about the dating scene to fight crime.

STANLEY KUBRICK – For the first time in history, the origin of Spiderman is told in one long take against shiny metallic and white surfaces.

JOHN FORD – Captain Marvel gets involved in the rough and tumble, roustabout world of colorful Irish immigrants. 

FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA – Spider-Man gives up fighting crime to open a winery, and has a daughter who goes into directing films.

LUC BESSON – In a very resourceful comic book interpretation, the head of Daredevil is simply photo-shopped onto the body of La Femme Nikita for the entire film.

PENNY MARSHALL - Sub-Mariner takes time out from whining about the dating scene to fight crime underwater.

JOHN CASSAVETES - The Hulk sits around waiting to change into the Hulk, but it never happens and so he goes drinking with his alienated friends.

Feel free to send in your favorite director, and how they might interpret the comic book of their choice!

James Napoli is an author and humorist who has also written and directed the award winning dramatic shorts “The Priests” and “Nobody Gets Hurt.”   He is a graduate of the London Film School. 

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