MIDWEST MISERY By Adam Hirschfeld

Romeo, Romeo, what are you thinking, Romeo?

The only thing worse than picking your starting quarterback for a competitive football game (and yes, pre-season games are competitive) by flipping a coin is telling the entire world you are doing so.

Romeo Crennel, he of the oh-so-short leash, announced well before last Saturday’s pre-season game against the Kansas City Chiefs (sans Larry Johnson, but not sans Priest Holmes and the distinct possibility that a hard collision could end his days as a human being with the ability to walk upright) that his starter at the most important position in the game would be determined by fate. Knowing Crennel, he probably used a coin with “Heads” on both sides, which would have been acceptable had he done it on purpose.

Someone has a famous quote about keeping your mouth your shut and letting everyone think you are a fool rather than opening it and eliminating any doubt. Crennel has proven that person correct.

(You know who would never flip a coin to select his starting quarterback? Bill Cowher).

Why no reporter, Cleveland based or otherwise, raised his/her hand and inquired “Just who the hell is running things around here?” is so far beyond me that I cannot being to put my frustration into words. So for the benefit of those five of you reading this little column, consider the question asked.

Granted, choosing between Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson is like choosing to be hit in the groin with either a sledgehammer or a wooden mallet. But any coach who doesn’t want to lose complete control of his team grits his teeth and makes a decision. If he is unable to do so, then he shouldn’t be coaching in the first place. Either Frye or Anderson could have used the confidence boost that might have been provided by a show of faith from the head coach.

Crennel is in his third and final (whoops, there I go again getting too far ahead of myself) season as head coach of the woebegone Browns. His reign has been filled with insubordination from alleged playmakers Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow, the complete botching of the team’s relationship with LeCharles Bentley and even more-botched cover-up, Maurice “Halfback Pass on 4^th and 1” Carthon as offensive coordinator, and one win in the AFC North in 12 attempts. Even the computer in “John Madden Football” would have given the Brownies two.

There is only one member of the Browns organization with an uglier employee history than Crennel; unofrtunately for him, it’s General Manager Phil Savage, whose tenure is equally likely to come to an end well before the 2008 Draft.

I don’t need nor care to talk about how the team performed on the field. Some guys (Kameron Wimbley) looked pretty good. Others (Frye, Anderson) did not. Even more (Jerome Harrison) looked like they should be doing something other than handling a pigskin for a living unless they take a position with a pig slaughtering enterprise.

(For the three cents it’s worth, I think the Browns are praying that that their offensive line can keep a quarterback in one piece during the first seven weeks regardless of the team’s record. Then, with that confidence, they can send recently signed Brady Quinn into battle comforted with the knowledge that, unlike Tim Couch, he will be something more than a lamb being led to slaughter. There is no way Quinn sits for an entire year behind two absolute scrubs like Frye and Anderson, unless, well, he too is an absolute scrub. Based on Savage’s record of making Ozzie Newsome look smart, that is a distinct possibility).

The head coach of a professional football team sets the tone for the entire organization. Crennel’s fellow Belichick disciple, Eric Mangini, came in and immediately won the confidence of all his players with his work ethic and coaching acumen. Yes, the Jets were a playoff team last season; do you really think last year’s Jets roster was six games better than the Browns? Shoot, Chad Pennington throws the ball with less zip than Frye.

In two seasons, Crennel has done little to maintain the trust Cleveland fans placed in him when he replaced Butch Davis; in fact, it’s impressive how quickly Crennel has gone from savior to just another idiot, seeing as Cleveland fans would have trusted Joe Isuzu more than they trusted Davis and his secret regime. Crennel and his coordinators have shown little creativity, even if working with subpar talent.

Crennel’s hot seat got hotter because he threw some lighter fluid on the fire. The next time he flips a coin, it could be to determine whether he will quit or let the Browns fire him.

Comments? Adamh164@yahoo.com