MIDWEST MISERY By Adam Hirschfeld

With the Yankees vanquished, the Misery wants more revenge.

Let’s make one thing clear: I hate the Boston Red Sox more than the New York Yankees. The Yankees may be despicable in their own right, but the Yankees don’t pretend that they are anything other than the team with the most money. Their fans may be obnoxious, but they have always been obnoxious and they have always been present, good times and bad.

The Red Sox steadfastly refuse to acknowledge that they have the second highest payroll in Major League Baseball, including $14 million for J.D. Drew and a $51 million posting fee for Daisuke Matsuzaka. But because they aren’t the Yankees, that fact is meaningless to them (it would be like Jeffrey Dahmer asking for sympathy because he wasn’t as bad a guy as Joseph Stalin). Many of their fans were hidden until the 2004 World Series, when because of all the 1918 crap, it became trendy to root for the gutty Sox, who came back from down 3-0 against the Yankees. If memory serves, the comeback was due to the fact that Curt Schilling’s ankle got its period.

Yep, I hate the Red Sox.

When I was 12 years old, my father taught me that revenge is a dish best served cold. In this year’s ALDS, the Indians garnered some small payback for the 1998 ALCS. Now it’s on to the Sox, who ended the Mike Hargrove era by coming back from a 2-0 deficit. It wasn’t the last time until this year that the Indians made the playoffs (they won the division in 2001), but it was the official beginning of the end of the magical 1990s Jacobs Field teams.

We all know what happened. Dave Burba’s game 3 injury forced Hargrove to use the seemingly useless Jaret Wright. He then turned to Bartolo Colon on short rest in Game 4, and Colon pitched afraid and lousy. Charles Nagy had nothing on short rest in Game 5, and Pedro Martinez stormed out of the bullpen, invented the wheel, sliced bread, and cured polio en route to six hitless innings.

Yep, I want the Red Sox.

(FAMOUS BRIEF MIDWEST MISERY ASIDE: Who cares about which hat Lebron James wears to a baseball game? Should the Indians manage to win the World Series, or Browns ever win a Super Bowl, nobody will even care that James was ever here. There are far bigger things for everyone to worry about than whether Lebron James roots for the Indians).

Here’s a quick position-by-position breakdown:

Catcher: Victor Martinez vs. Jason Varitek. Three or four years ago, this might go the other way. But in 2007, Martinez is the Indians’ MVP and best catcher in the American League. Varitek is still a leader and can still come up big, but isn’t the player he was. Edge: Indians.

First Base: Kevin Youkilis vs. Ryan Garko: Youk is an underrated hitter and the best defensive first baseman in the game. Garko performed well against the Yankees, but isn’t quite as good. Bonus points to Youk for the classic Denis Leary YouTube! Rant. Edge: Red Sox.

Second Base: Dustin Pedroia vs. Asdrubal Cabrera. Pedroia may be the Rookie of the Year, but Cabrera, in his short stint in the majors, has proven excellent defensively and a decent bat. He also showed he can lay down a bunt when he needs to. Edge: Even.

Shortstop: Jhonny Peralta vs. Julio Lugo. One can hit, one cannot. One can play defense, one cannot. Edge: Even.

Third Base: Paul Bunyan vs. Mike Lowell. Yeah, Casey Blake wins the “Player with the Most Outlandish Facial Hair” Award. He looks like the product of a Grizzly Adams-Paul Buynan tryst. Lowell has been awesome this season hitting behind Ortiz and Ramirez. Edge: Red Sox.

Left Field: Kenny Lofton vs. Manny Ramirez: See the analysis for Shortstop (although Manny’s arm has always been underrated). Seeing these guys on opposite sides is a bit tough (the Tribe lost in 1999 in part because that’s when Manny decided to change his swing and got one hit all series). Edge: Red Sox.

Center Field: Grady Sizemore vs. Coco Crisp: Crisp has played solid defense, but there’s a reason Sizemore was brought in to replace him. Edge: Indians.

Right field: Franklin Guiierrez vs. J.D. Drew: Gutierrez was a platoon against the Yankees, which I think makes no sense given his excellent defense and speed. Drew is Drew; very tantalizing, usually very little results. Still, he is the more talented. Edge: Red Sox.

DH: Travis Hafner vs. David Ortiz: In a typical year, their numbers are closer. But Ortiz has come through in the clutch many times. The idea of Joe Borowski pitching to Papi in the ninth gives me the heebie jeebies.

Starting Pitching: One through four, both teams possess depth and excellence. The Indians are hoping to ride the duo of C.C. Sabathia and Fausto Carmona, much like the Red Sox hope to ride Josh Beckett and Curt Schilling. After that, for both teams, it gets a little dicey. Jake Westbrook is fine until whatever inning he decides to implode; Eric Wedge will need a quick hook. Paul Byrd throws too many strikes; his Game 4 performance against the Yankees was gritty, but he could have given up ten runs. Dice-K has been awful in the second half and got knocked around by a depleted Angels’ lineup. Tim Wakefield is either really on or gets shelled (the Sox might go with phenom Clay Bucholz). Edge: Pretty Even. Carmona and Beckett are probably the two best going right now. Sabathia should be motivated to better his start against the Yankees. Schilling is magic in the playoffs (so was Orel Hershiser until he finally got old). Edge: Even.

Bullpen (non-closer): Right now, no duo is better than Raffy Left and Raffy Right. Jensen Lewis was pretty good against the Yankees as well. Okajima, Timlin, and Delcarmen are no slouches. Eric Gagne can go either way. Edge: Indians.

Closer: Joe Borowski vs. Jonathon Papelbon: Papelbon has a power arm and better stuff. He’s a little unproven on this stage. Borowski makes everyone nervous. Edge: Red Sox.

Prediction: The teams who tied for the best record in the majors should have a good series. I am hard pressed to see it going less than six games. If it goes seven, the Indians would likely have Westbrook pitching against Dice-K, unless the series goes in a way that Beckett makes three starts. The Indians have played great baseball from late August on. Boston has far more experience and a slightly deeper lineup. Then again, what happens if either side’s Big Two earns a sweep this weekend in Fenway? Red Sox in seven.

Comments? Adamh164@yahoo.com