There are some time-honored television traditions that seem destined to continue forever: Sunday Night Football, the Academy Awards, and, of course, the Disney Channel Original Movie. In an era of peak TV, DCOMs may seem like lesser television output, but for anyone coming of age in the ‘90s and beyond, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that you’ve got a few favorites of your own, each with stranger and more implausible plotlines than the last.

Since the first DCOM back in 1997, the channel has been slowly perfecting the formula of iconic original content, crafting a careful balance of schlocky sets, over-the-top, SNL-parodied acting, and almost frustratingly catchy musical numbers into an often beguiling concoction of adolescent wish-fulfillment.

Spurred on by a rabid love for the strange television subgenre (and apparently a death wish), I set out to rank all of the original films, tracking the progression of the movies from a dog-whispering Kirk Cameron in 1997 to the curious DCOMs of 2016. Rating films based on originality, quality, general rewatchability (and let’s face it, personal preference), I humbly present a ranking of the entire DCOM catalog. Get ready for some serious nostalgia.

100. You Lucky Dog, 1998

There’s a lot to tackle with You Lucky Dog, a movie directed by Beverly Hills 90210’s Paul Schneider and starring pre-crazy Kirk Cameron as a conman who can (maybe) read dogs’ minds. Drawn back into the lucrative world of canine soothsaying after the sudden death of a millionaire leaves him and the benefactor’s dog the recipient of a hefty windfall, a majority of the movie is devoted to an over-the-top battle over the estate by some of the deceased’s cartoonishly dour and inept family members. There’s not a clear message here honestly, and though it’s only been a few days since I’ve watched this one, it already only exists in my mind under the file: “Kirk Cameron Eats a Couch.” So that’s something.

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Image via the Disney Channel

99. Cloud 9, 2014

Let me say that I do not understand the Disney stardom of Luke Benward. Nor do I enjoy watching other people engage in what I think are supposed to be winter sports. Thusly, a movie starring Luke Benward set in the competitive world of snowboarding? Not so much.

98. StarStruck, 2010

Hey Disney Channel, we need to have a talk. When you made StarStruck, did someone ever step back and think, “Wait, are we really making a movie about a pop-star accidentally wounding one of his obsessed fans and subsequently falling in love with her?” Because regardless, I think some things were, shall we say, handled poorly here.

97. Den Brother, 2010

I spent the entirety of Den Brother rationalizing the fact that the star, Hutch Dano, must be related to the There Must Be Blood alum Paul Dano. That wondering spiced up the ol’ “I Can’t Juggle Two Things!” Disney Channel trope, keeping my mind busy and distracting myself from the fact that there was very little of value here. That is until I found out there’s actually no relation. Betrayed! And very bored.

96. Invisible Sister, 2015

Invisible Sister is exactly what it sounds like: a science whiz kid turns her popular older sister invisible. And that’s… about it. Doomed to be a forgotten DCOM effort, but points for that cool hair.

95. Quints, 2000

This movie, besides earning the distinction of taking our beloved Halloweentown star Kimberly J. Brown and handing her five screaming babies, is sort of an offense to the hallowed golden age of DCOM. Though on the plus side, it offers one of the best uses of Britney Spears’ “Soda Pop” I’ve ever seen.

94. You Wish!, 2003

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Image via the Disney Channel

Remember when Spencer Breslin was famous? No shade to the guy, but I haven’t seen a stranger performance than the one he gives in You Wish!, whose alternate title is definitely Be Careful What You Wish For: The Movie. A little repellant and more upsetting to watch than anything else, You Wish! has none of the staying power of even some of the mediocre DCOMs.

93. Tiger Cruise, 2004

So, before I embarked on this challenge, I had no idea Tiger Cruise existed, and it’s perhaps for good reason. It stars Bill Pullman and Hayden Panettiere, but the film takes a turn about halfway through, using tragedy of the 9/11 terror attacks as a way to kick Panettiere into gear as a well-adjusted military brat. Yikes.

92. Hatching Pete, 2009

Call me uninformed, but I don’t think I’ve seen another feature-length anything that has tried to squeeze this much drama out of a high-school mascot simply called “The Chicken.”

91. Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas!, 2011

Are you a human person that enjoys Good Luck Charlie? Then I’m sorry about this one, but there’s something about forced family antics in a Christmas movie that just really makes me sad.

90. Radio Rebel, 2012

This one is kind of like Footloose but instead of banning rock music and dancing, they ban a podcast. There are some radio shenanigans, a "MORP" (that’s prom spelled backwards, how cute), and Debbie Ryan doing her best “adorable baby,” but the whole thing refuses to gel into anything particularly entertaining.

89. Girl vs. Monster, 2012

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Image via the Disney Channel

The premise is pretty golden, but when the dramatic linchpin of your movie involves a central protagonist that has yet to understand what fear is, you’ve already lost me. Doesn’t everyone watch The Neverending Story as a child? That’s fear.

88. Ready to Run, 2000

There’s a Mr. Ed riff, totally attainable jockey dreams, and a horse wearing headphones. I got nothin’.

87. Hounded, 2001

On the surface, Hounded sounds like a thing of cheesy DCOM dreams. Ed Begley Jr. in a cage match against an aggro, off-its-meds pomeranian? Count me in. Unfortunately, as is often the case, things don’t quite live up to the insane expectations left by the premise. Except Shia LaBeouf’s flirting skills. Those will hold up indefinitely.  

86. Double Teamed, 2001

A fairly by-the-books sports victory DCOM effort, Double Teamed is actually out of print and especially hard to get, so I’m ranking this low for many reasons.

85. The Jennie Project, 2001

I can’t really say anything about this, an adorable true-life story about a chimp who learned sign language, or I lose my human license. It’s also just not very good, so I’ll just put this here. I’m sorry!

84. Dadnapped, 2009

Hey Disney, just one more question: did you mean to film the psychotic break of Emily Osment, or did that just kind of happen? This is a mess on so many levels.

83. Avalon High, 2010

Avalon High is based on a book by the author who penned Princess Diaries, which is a very good sign. But this low-level high school-set fantasy is one of the more boring movies the Disney Channel has made in its nearly 20 years. I’m not sorry.

82. Full-Court Miracle, 2003

Disney has done a lot of true-life sports re-tellings. This is maybe the dullest of them all.

81. Read it and Weep, 2006

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Image via the Disney Channel

Picture this: your high school journal featuring characters based on yourself and your high school ride-or-dies gets published and becomes a very serious bestseller. This is the Panabaker sisters (Kay and Danielle, respectively) trying to make it to Aly and A.J. Michalka-level stardom and failing pretty quietly. Their headband game, however, is pretty on point.

80. A Ring of Endless Light, 2002

The director of this one was actually nominated for his outstanding work, but all I really see is a watered down Madeleine L'Engle adaptation featuring a baby Mischa Barton.

79. Frenemies, 2012

Zendaya is hard to hate, but Frenemies is so supremely packed with 13-year-old female wish-fulfillment and sparkly scarf quotient that it’s hard to totally fall into step with it

78. The Poof Point, 2001

Hate when your parents don’t understand you? The Poof Point provides the hope that perhaps they’ll develop a machine that will slowly cause them to age backwards until they eventually disintegrate into an immature little poof, then realize what stick in the muds they were being about letting you play PlayStation past midnight.

77. The Ultimate Christmas Present, 2000

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Image via the Disney Channel

Baby Brenda Song and a misfiring weather machine comprise this Santa Claus-centric Christmas special. I’m usually kind of a Scrooge when it comes to these, but The Ultimate Christmas Present’s sunny optimism could make this one could be the best of the holiday bunch.

76. The Suite Life Movie, 2011

I can’t fight the popularity of the Sprouse twins. Clearly those little blonde-headed clones had some sort of Disney Channel secret sauce I can’t even begin to understand. But let any DCOM movie center around relationship trouble, and I really can’t get on board.

75. Now You See It…, 2005

One of the more meta aughts options from Disney, Now You See It centers around a young aspiring TV producer whose magician-centric reality show uncovers a kid with actual powers. The coolest part of this one is seeing Frank Langella somehow manage to chew scenery with Aly Michalka in tow, but the movie is far too silly for its self-serious presentation. Think of it as a halfway prequel to Now You See Me.

74. Life is Ruff, 2005

Remember 2005? Kyle Massey was a semi-bankable star thanks to his role on That’s so Raven and his own not-that-terrible series Cory in the House. Life is Ruff isn’t not a total waste, and the central conflict involves a scheme that sends Massey to a dog shelter (and later a dog show) in the hopes of winning cash to complete his comic book collection. Stakes are low, and the jokes are even lower, but I’m not so much of a killjoy as to call this out as bad.

73. Go Figure, 2005

A slightly less effective-rift on the higher ranked Cadet Kelly, Go Figure’s got the catchphrase “She shoots, she scores, she accessorizes” going for it, but not too much else.

72. Right on Track, 2003

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Image via the Disney Channel

Okay, so the entire experience of watching this one is totally overshadowed by Brie Larson’s performance that’s both perfectly Disney and also impossibly charming. Another true story about the victory of two young athletes even over competitors much their senior, Larson makes this one a DCOM you shouldn’t miss.

71. Horse Sense, 1999

Real-life brothers Joey and Andrew Lawrence were a late-90s dream team, so spending 80 minutes watching them bond by doing various outdoors-y things like building a treehouse is an okay way to spend an afternoon.

70. ‘Twas the Night, 2001

If you ever wished The Santa Clause had swapped out Tim Allen for Bryan Cranston, ‘Twas the Night has got you covered. It’s pretty fantastic, if a little sexist.

69. Going to the Mat, 2004

Andrew Lawrence is presumably incapable of appearing in any truly terrible DCOM, but even his turn as a blind wrestler can’t propel this movie to a higher ranking.

68. Cow Belles, 2006

Remember the Sprouse-ian power of Aly and A.J. Michalka? Besides being one of the few bona fide musical acts to come out of the Disney machine, the pair’s biggest claim to fame was Cow Belles, one of the sister’s first principle Disney vehicles that pretty much plays like a heartwarming edition of The Simple Life. In case that’s your jam.

67. Princess Protection Program, 2009

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Image via the Disney Channel

It was 2009 and Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez were the best of friends. Things have changed, people grow apart, but Princess Protection Program stands as a neatly manufactured proof of their pretty adorable friendship. It’s pretty par for the course Disney, but the female-penned self-empowerment message tips this above the crush of the middle of the pack.

66. Bad Hair Day, 2015

In a rare case of Disney-underselling, the concept of a girl thrown into a tailspin when she wakes up with a seriously bad hair day does little to inspire confidence, but when Bad Hair Day reveals itself to be a fairly sharply written and well-delivered kiddie version of Thelma & Louise, it’s difficult not to be pleasantly surprised. Certainly, the bad hair day, which triggers a large-scale spy investigation and a battle with villainous jewel thieves, could have been solved by a shower and some leave in conditioner. But where's the fun in that?

65. Jumping Ship, 2001

A shipwreck story with an anti-nepotism message? It’s honestly not half bad, but the Lawrence brothers are competing with some big fish here, and I can’t justify ranking this one much higher.

64. Jump In!, 2007

In the later end of the 00s, Disney seemed to be running out of sports to cover. Enter double dutch, add a little Keke Palmer and Corbin Bleu at the height of their careers, and you get Jump In! But the exclamation point is a little misleading.

63. Northern Lights, 1997

Despite largely being best known for their family friendly camp, the very first DCOM film had surprisingly lofty origins. Northern Lights, which premiered in 1997 on the Disney Channel, and featured Diane Keaton (I know!) in the starring role. Reprising a similar plotline first debuted in her light non-Disney drama Baby Boom, Keaton plays a brassy, chain-smoking New Yorker who is forced to look after a nephew she’s never met after his father dies in a freak accident involving a strangely brutal electrocution. Based on a stage play John Hoffman (and written by him as well), Northern Lights is especially sappy, with a shockingly quirky small-town atmosphere and a traditional “family first” message. It’s standard, if slightly elevated, DCOM fare that fails to be either actually good or bad enough to be wildly fun.

62, 61.  Twitches & Twitches Too , 2005 & 2007

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Image via the Disney Channel

The Twitches mini-franchise never quite made up for the fact that Disney never made a Sister, Sister movie a reality, but Tia and Tamera have some pretty undeniable energy, even if the whole “twin witches” thing isn’t any more novel than it sounds.

60. Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior, 2006

This is sort of like Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, sucked dry of the elements that made it the classic series it is. It’s hard for Wendy Wu not to feel at least mildly racially insensitive, and even though Brenda Song’s got enough charisma to make even the weakest Disney fare seem pretty passable, it’s hard to rank this any higher. Shoutout to Disney for the film’s action sequences though – Wendy Wu’s got some of the best choreography the channel has ever committed to the screen.

59. Pixel-Perfect, 2004

When Pixel Perfect premiered, Ricky Ullman was arguably at the peak of his career as the baby-faced lead of the time-travel comedy Phil of the Future. It seems fitting, then that Disney would transplant him into a Disney musical that features some cutting-edge tech of its own. The premise: which involves the creation of a sentient holographic girl to help a failing band called the Zetta Bytes, sounds a lot more fun than it actually is in practice, and Pixel-Perfect ultimately involves so many dark plot elements that the lasting feeling is one of confusion more than anything else. Pixel-Perfect did end up being eerily prophetic of the whole Tupac/Coachella hologram deal, so there’s that.  

58. Up, Up and Away, 2000

Unfairly overlooked probably because of its vaguely crippling self-seriousness, Up, Up and Away manages to be a charming, family drama-cum-superhero film, starring Michael J. Pagan as the normal son of two gifted superheros, Bronze Eagle and Warrior Woman. His brother, sister and even his grandparents have a host of ever-useful powers, but when the family and town are threatened by a malevolent group called the Earth Protectors (think really evil Greenpeace volunteers), the boy finds that it’s only he who can protect his family. It’s simple, but Up, Up and Away is populated with so much undeniably charming schlock it’s an infinitely rewatchable Disney offering.

57. Buffalo Dreams, 2005

A very classic, well-intentioned and generally pleasant story of acceptance with some decently strong performances. But there’s not much else to say here.

56. Miracle in Lane 2, 2000

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Image via the Disney Channel

It’s kind of a low blow to cast then-adorable Frankie Muniz as a kid with spina bifida and hydrocephalus who competed and won in a soap box derby and then dare me to call it bad. There’s a questionable physical manifestation of God, some overprotective family members and a scene that involves a disabled child hurtling down a hill at breakneck speeds in a box. It’s pretty great, largely thanks to Muniz’s weird nostalgia factor.

55. Geek Charming, 2011

So, this is a hard one. Geek Charming manages to be one of the most beguiling of the late-stage DCOM movies, with a mid-Modern Family Sarah Hyland really going for the gold, but the real-life violence between Hyland and the ex-boyfriend that plays her love interest seriously blunts the film’s cuteness factor.

54. Rip Girls, 2000

If you’ve ever wondered where your preternatural love for Camilla Belle comes from, Rip Girls might be the answer. Centering around a 13-year-old surfer girl who also, at that tender young age also, inherits a large piece of a previously public island (side note: I’m not a lawyer but that doesn’t sound super legal), Rip Girls follows the highly charming Belle as she decides to keep the land public and available to the inhabitants of the island. This one is certainly less than the sum of its parts, but it has a pretty solid teeny-bopper beach playlist that still holds up today. B*Witched, anyone?

53. Descendants, 2015

This one was guaranteed to be gold from the beginning. Sending the sons and daughters of some of Disney’s most iconic villains (Maleficent, Jafar, Cruella de Ville and Snow White’s Evil Queen) to the prep schools of our mortal world, Descendants is a surprisingly watchable and impressively imaginative novelty DCOM even when its execution falls flat. Bonus points for Kristin Chenoweth's admirably committed Maleficent.

52. Zapped, 2014

Watching Zendaya do anything is pretty fun: she’s talented and hilarious, and a genuine gem in the ever-fickle and impermanent world of of child stardom. So when Zapped gives Zendaya the ability to control the men in her life via an app in her phone, the results are pretty splendid. A millennial female revenge fantasy it is not, but it’s certainly one of the better of Disney’s last few years.  

51. Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie, 2009

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Image via the Disney Channel

Only the best Disney Channel series get movies, and Wizards of Waverly Place is no different. Borrowing the vacation backdrop from the (superior) Proud Family and Even Stevens Movie, Selena Gomez and the rest of the pretty perfectly cast group of wizards get to play out some heartwarming family antics at the peak of the series’ fame.

50. The Scream Team, 2002

Some of the best DCOM is also scary DCOM, and though not the best of the channel’s creepy-crawly fare, The Scream Team does manage to pull off the two-hander of scary and heartwarming. Plenty dark, especially when it comes to the father of a very young Kat Dennings who can’t help but talk major trash on his deceased father, this overlooked gem is kept light by appearances by Kathy Najimy and Eric Idle.

49. Tru Confessions, 2002

We were all waiting for this one. Remember when Shia re-watched this movie just last year and spent most of the movie with his hoodie drawn uncomfortably around his head? Yeah, that was kind of my feelings while watching Tru Confessions, too. It’s not bad, in fact, so much of this film is done with such bald-faced earnestness that it’s really hard to dislike. But then, it’s baby Labeouf really hamming up a portrayal of autism and I can’t help but feel kind of weird about it.

48. How to Build a Better Boy, 2014

You’d hard-pressed to find a stranger premise of a late-form Disney channel original movie than this: a pair of super-smart but less-than popular girls find themselves stretching the truth about their romantic entanglements to avoid seeming “so uncool”. But what do you do when you make up your own George Glass? You break into your dad’s scientific laboratory and 3D print your own dream boyfriend, of course. And when you learn that your high-tech boyfriend is actually a government-designed super soldier and the Pentagon is hot on your tail? Well, that’s this movie. Seriously, it’s about as fun as it is wacky (which is to say it is very fun) and Disney star China Anne McClain stands out as a singular joy.

47. Lemonade Mouth, 2011

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Image via the Disney Channel

Lemonade Mouth is a pretty classic “be yourself” Disney musical with a healthy dose of Breakfast Club self-acceptance. It’s been one of the most warmly received of Disney Channel’s latter years, and the music is pretty damn catchy.

46. Let it Shine, 2012

A late stage gem, featuring some knock-out performances, Let it Shine is a high school-set retelling of Cyrano de Bergerac starring the always-fantastic Tyler James Williams as a shy kid who can’t bring himself to talk to his high school crush. It’s DCOM, but the music, including a pretty lengthy rap battle, is honestly pretty impressive.

45. Minutemen, 2008

A pretty underrated DCOM, Minutemen was initially slated for a theatrical release before being shifted to television, and the higher production quality is clear. Starring Disney’s human sheepdog Jason Dolley, Minutemen is a decently fun and spirited nerd revenge story, which follows a group of young misfits as they use their time travel equipment to help save other kids from embarrassing situations. It’s likely had this one hit screens in 2001 or before, it would be an undisputed favorite.

44. Alley Cats Strike, 2000

Most notable for having one of the most detailed Wikipedia summaries of all time, Alley Cats Strike manages to be a minor classic by making nerd life look cool way before it was, and giving a home to baby Kaley Cuoco. Hands up if you became determined to log hours at your local bowling alley after you caught this one on TV.

43. Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook-Off, 2003

The whole “but Dad, I can’t be a star athlete when all I want to do is make really kick-ass omelets!” isn’t a believable conflict, and there’s an awful lot of college talk considering our protagonist is only 14-years-old, but Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook-Off has enough sparkling energy and sense of fun to make it a bit more memorable than other sports DCOMs. There’s also a pretty sweet Bobby Flay cameo.

42, 41. Camp Rock, Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam, 2008 & 2010

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Image via the Disney Channel

If you were asked to package and bottle pre-teen culture in 2008, it would probably look a lot like Camp Rock. Made at the height of Jonas Brother fame and before the internet really hated Demi Lovato, Camp Rock and Camp Rock 2 were a pretty copacetic camp pair of films, and with musical whiz Kenny Ortega at the wheel, it’s no wonder it’s a difficult franchise to totally write off, no matter how much you’re totally over the J-Bros.

40, 39. Teen Beach Movie, Teen Beach 2, 2013 & 2015

I’m sorry, but I’m pretty convinced that anyone who hates Teen Beach Movie, hasn’t actually seen it, which given its recent release date, is actually pretty likely. Transplanting current-day teens into the world of teen beach films of yesteryear, Teen Beach Movie is a pretty clever musical that smacks of white-bread schmaltz. But who doesn’t need a little of that in their life every once in awhile? The sequel never quite captured the novelty of the first, but this little pair of films deserve a tad more praise than you might expect.

38. Can of Worms, 1999

There’s a lot of talent at work here in Can of Worms. Paul Schneider sits in the director’s chair, Jim Henson’s behind the surprisingly creepy alien creatures, Mark Mothersbaugh’s got the music and Malcolm McDowell’s in the cast as the MVP of voice actors. But that’s not to say this one is good – it isn’t. In fact, I certainly wouldn’t have remembered this one at all if Henson’s wildly creative creatures hadn’t kept me awake for a long, sleepless night in 1999. The premise, unsurprisingly, is baffling: a misfit kid repeatedly rejected by his middle school crush resolves that he simply doesn’t belong on earth, prompting a malevolent space element known as Thoad to attempt to collect him from earth to join his space “zoo”. Girls are loved, old technology takes center stage, and in the end everything goes back to normal, with a simple lesson learned. I’m not sure what the lesson is here, but my guess is it sounds a little like this: remember kids, don’t send your prayers into space if you’re not ready to spend the rest of your life in an intergalactic zoo!

37. Mom’s Got a Date with a Vampire, 2000

An elegant metaphor for the concerns of children as their mothers attempt to begin dating again or a simple, pretty effective comedy horror from the Disney film mill? It’s anyone’s guess, but that doesn’t make this classic any less mindlessly fun. Think of it as a kiddie remake of The Lost Boys.  

36. Stepsister from Planet Weird, 2000

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Image via the Disney Channel

What do you do when your newly single windsurfing mom meets a man named after an off-brand supermarket soda (Cosmo Cola)? Team up with your new stepsister to be to break them up! But what if the new dad and daughter are actually aliens, and prior to arriving to Earth were simply gaseous bubbles? Well, that’s when you go back to their planet with them and defeat the ruler of the race using hair dryers and leaf blowers. This is indeed a weird one.

35. Under Wraps, 1997

The first of Disney’s semi-scary output, Under Wraps is a pretty by-the-book DCOM that surrounds three pre-teens who accidentally resurrect an ancient mummy. The biggest surprise on a modern rewatch is how nightmare-inducing the mummy actually is, with cavernous eyes and worn-away lips, but otherwise what lies underneath this early DCOM is a surprisingly well-written piece of Halloween fare.

34. Jett Jackson: The Movie, 2001

Based on the Disney Channel series The Famous Jett Jackson, a series notable largely for an episode that features Destiny’s Child (complete with a baby Beyonce), Jett Jackson: The Movie follows child star Jett Jackson known for playing a superspy on a fictional television show called Silverstone. Clearly laying the framework for the “best of both worlds” Disney premise largely popularized by Hannah Montana, Jett Jackson: The Movie concluded the series with a truly mind-boggling twist of fate. On the eve of his retiring from Silverstone, Jett is injured on set, sending him deep into the fictional world of Silverstone, while his fictional superspy alter-ego is forced to navigate the delicate politics of high school. It’s a fantastic gem of early-DCOM imagineering, but remains glossed in a layer of sadness after Lee Thompson Young’s death in 2013.

33, 32. Kim Possible Movie: A Sitch in Time and So the Drama, 2003 & 2005

An unfairly forgotten long-running series of the aughts, Kim Possible spawned two pretty fantastic feature-length movies – alternately involving time travel and high-flying international hijinks. And between the impossibly catchy Christina Milian theme song and the really on-point snark, this animated action series featured some of the best action Disney had to offer. It’s hard to tell why Disney doesn’t count A Sitch in Time as one of their original movies, but it felt wrong to leave it off the list.

31. Genius, 1999

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Image via the Disney Channel

Further cementing the reign of 1999 as a peak DCOM year is Genius, which delivers a Dostoyevskian tale of a 14-year-old college student whose love for a girl his own age (Emmy Rossum!) causes him to scientifically develop a suave, high-school bad boy alter-ego named Chaz Anthony. From there, you can probably guess what happens: he’s exposed, and after a bit of hormonal waffling, the two budding heartthrobs find love, but it’s much more about the journey than the destination with this one.

30, 29. Johnny Tsunami, Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board, 1999 & 2007

Pretty much the definitive set of Disney sports movies, Johnny Tsunami managed to combine surfing and winter sports into a veritable smorgasbord of sick Disney stunts. Johnny Kapahala sees a definite decline in the Disney fun, but it’s to be expected after eight years away, and certainly doesn’t detract from the legendary status of the original.

28. Phantom of the Megaplex, 2000

For anyone who grew up in the ‘90s with a love for movies, it’s pretty much a guarantee that if you caught this film, it kind of changed your life. Centering on a movie-obsessed teen with a much-coveted job at the local theater, this DCOM is a sort-of mystery taking obvious hints from the Phantom of the Opera and adding an appreciated boost of movie reverence.

27. Gotta Kick it Up!, 2002

Featuring a pre-Ugly Betty America Ferrera and all kinds of good girl-gang vibes, Gotta Kick it Up! was an important moment in DCOM diversity and more than a few childhoods. It’s impossible not to feel warm inside when the dance team yells, “Si se puede!”

26. Cadet Kelly, 2002

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Image via the Disney Channel

Ah, the Hilary Duff days. A simpler time, when entrance to the cool-girl pantheon could be bought for the price of a $6 hair clip from Claire’s. Cadet Kelly was Duff’s mid-Lizzie McGuire triumph, and despite operating on a totally nonsense plot point that forces Duff’s free-minded art student into a no-nonsense military academy, it had some seriously aspirational moments of lady friendship.

25. The Even Stevens Movie, 2003

Sure, he slept through Transformers, but when Shia Labeouf caught The Even Stevens Movie, the actor-turned-provocateur couldn’t stop smiling. Even after thirteen years, this movie remains one of the weirdest of the DCOM bunch, which features the Stevens family being unknowingly filmed for a reality while on vacation and ends with Ren (Christy Carlson Romano) and Louis (LaBeouf) employing the help of another reality show to uncover the truth. 2003 was wild.

24. Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension, 2011

It’s pretty much a fact that despite being a late-stage Disney series, Phineas and Ferb is as good as Disney gets. Tech-y, quippy and generally the most imaginative thing the channel has made in a while, it was kind of a foregone conclusion that this was going to be one that hit the top part of my ranking. And the payoff of Perry finally revealing his secret agent status? Legendary.

23. The Proud Family Movie, 2005

Remember when The Proud Family, one of Disney’s most thoughtful and consistently interesting series, made a film about human/peanut soldiers and a fictionalized version of the great-great grandson of Dr. Washington Carver? Remember when Penny made out with a 50 Cent parody? I certainly didn’t, but it turns out The Proud Family Movie is one of those blissfully nutty DCOM creations that is as strange as it is kind of perfect.

22. The Other Me, 2000

If you ever wanted to watch Andrew Lawrence lead a cafeteria full of white kids in dancing to “Bringin’ Da Noise” by N*SYNC, look no further than The Other Me. The finer points of the plot involve Andrew Lawrence cloning himself so he can do better in school, but Allison Pill’s turn as his cool, snotty sister and Lawrence’s sick dance moves earn it a spot in the top 25.

21. Motocrossed, 2001

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Image via the Disney Channel

Before She’s the Man took the Bard to the soccer field, Motocrossed (very loosely) took Twelfth Night off road, centering around a young, aspiring dirt bike racer who disguises herself as a boy in order to be taken seriously in competition. Motocrossed is kind of the Stefan of Disney Channel Movies, it’s got everything: casual sexism, a Travis Pastrana cameo, roots in a true-life story, and in the end, victory for the mega-heroic Andi. For anyone even sort of into the X-Games, this one was pretty major.

20. Don’t Look Under the Bed, 1999

Don’t Look Under the Bed remains in the DCOM history books for one reason: it’s scary as hell. If you were a frequenter of the Disney Channel at the time of this movie’s release, it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that this movie gave you nightmares. Not sure you remember? I’ll refresh your memory. Rather than adhere to the DCOM mainstay of potentially scary but actually very friendly monsters, Don’t Look Under the Bed is fine with just using the actual Boogeyman, the all-hallowed representation of terror, as the antagonist. There are jump scares, creepy dolls, a very very creepy looking boogeyman, and a lesson that essentially tells you: if you forget and abandon your imaginary friends, they will get angry and haunt you for all eternity. Cool. Rad. Sweet dreams, kids.

19. Get a Clue, 2002

A DCOM starring Lindsay Lohan as an amateur sleuth and stylish gossip columnist? Get a Clue is every bit as fantastic as it sounds, albeit with a truly confusing central mystery. But I can’t pretend it’s not a little sad to watch Lindsay Lohan pre-everything.

18. Stuck in the Suburbs, 2004

Stuck in the Suburbs manages to get only better as Taran Killam does, as this DCOM stars the funnyman as a fickle and quietly artistic pop star named Jordan Cahill whose artistic vision is constantly quashed by his cookie-cutter record company. When two high school friends (Disney all-stars Kay Panabaker and Brenda Song) find his phone, they essentially blackmail Cahill to perform at their school. Morally questionable actions aside, the two get to know the real Jordan, eventually encouraging him to stay true to himself. (Because, of course.) As far as I can tell, none of the musical stylings were Killam’s, especially considering this story he told Jimmy Fallon, but it’s still pretty priceless to see him sing in a fedora on a merry-go-round.

17. Brink!, 1998

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Image via the Disney Channel

It’s been official pretty much since it aired: Brink! is a classic. And, it's potentially the best aggressive inline skating movie ever been committed to film – though it might also be the only one. Brink! could be Disney’s most anti-capitalist film, serving largely to deliver the message that you should do things for fun, rather than money. Stay Soul Skaters, kids. (But maybe get a day job. It helps.)

16. The Thirteenth Year, 1999

For some, a thirteenth birthday means a bar mitzvah. For Cody Griffin, it means fins. An indisputable DCOM classic, The Thirteenth Year follows the slow transition of a pre-teen from everyday middle schooler to merman. Despite boasting a pretty off-the-wall premise, the emotional beats the movie hits are Disney through and through, complete with a warm and bittersweet final scene that finds Cody really “following his heart”.

15. The Color of Friendship, 2000

It’s totally fair that The Color of Friendship is one of the most lauded installments in the Disney franchise. Featuring a comparatively unflinching look at race relations, the movie follows the true-life friendship between two girls in the 70s, a young black girl from Washington, D.C. and a white girl from South Africa. The film scores extra points for refusing to shy away from the more difficult sides of racism, making sure to drive home the harsh realities of racially-motivated violence. Bravo, Disney.

14. The Luck of the Irish, 2001

In premise, The Luck of Irish should be terrible: a family of leprechauns who have previously passed as humans thanks to a charmed golden coin begin to slowly revert back to their petite origins, revealing to middle-schooler Kyle the truth about his ancestry. But thanks to Disney’s willingness to go full bonkers, The Luck of the Irish manages to be pretty much the platonic ideal of a DCOM. Ryan Merriman is an over-the-top virtuoso, the film’s love interest is a sharply intelligent and fully-fleshed out character (hallelujah!), and while it remains light throughout, makes sure to point out the actual difficulties Irish immigrants faced in America. If that weren’t enough, the film concludes with a school-wide sing of ‘This Land is Your Land’ and some spontaneous river dancing.

13, 12, 11. The Cheetah Girls (2003), Cheetah Girls 2 (2006), Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

I’ll admit right now that One World is a travesty, which is no wonder considering Raven-Symone kind of is the Cheetah Girls, but the first two films were so packed with glittery energy and some solid musical numbers to manage to scale beyond the often sheer-faced walls of the Disney Channel. Handing off a classic “be true to yourself” message but featuring some genuinely good girl-group tunes, Chanel, Galleria, Aqua and Dorinda were a carefully packaged pop group that were so rapturously groovy, it didn’t matter that they were clearly so manufactured.  

10, 9, 8, 7. Halloweentown (1998), Halloweentown II: Kalabar’s Revenge (2001), Halloweentown High (2004), Return to Halloweentown (2006)

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Image via the Disney Channel

If you grew up loving Halloween, chances are you also grew up loving Halloweentown. And just like those year-round Christmas shops your Aunt Maxine loves to visit, Halloweentown was all-Halloween, all the time – a place that fulfilled the dreams of any kid who was lucky enough to catch the series during its inevitable October airing. Kimberly J. Brown found her calling as the macabre and charming Marnie, and Debbie Reynolds seriously rocked as the witchy grandmother you couldn’t help but wish you had. The wonky CGI and questionable makeup effects only add to the series’ charm and though the fourth installment tried to swap Brown for Sara Paxton, and acted like we wouldn’t notice, the franchise remains some of the most rewatchable stuff Disney’s ever churned out.

6, 5, 4.  Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century (1999), Zenon: The Zequel (2001), Z3 (2004)

The holy grail trilogy of late ‘90s/early-aughts Disney, Zenon was a surprisingly accurate prediction of some of the 21st century, including nailing iPads and the modern, metallic stylings of American Apparel. Besides introducing ultimate friendship goals in the form of Zenon and Nebula (a fantastic Raven-Symone who was unfortunately swapped out in the sequels), Zenon also came with some now-iconic slang and a probably forgotten dark underbelly that involved machinations to destroy an entire space station entirely populated by families. Now only 33 years away from Zenon’s year of 2049, it seems unlikely we’ll be living on space stations or discussion President Chelsea Clinton’s energy saving tactics anytime soon, but I’m pretty sure that Zenon will still be a serious classic no matter what the year.

3. Smart House, 1999

Arguably the most iconic of the entire DCOM catalog, Smart House is the unlikely futuristic family drama nobody knew we needed. Epitomizing the genre with a plucky middle school protagonist, a totally off-the-wall premise, an annoying younger sibling, epic dance sequences and a nightmare-inducing denouement, Smart House is the Disney Channel Original Movie perfected.

2, 1. High School Musical, High School Musical 2, 2006 & 2007

Here it is – the big kahuna, the be-all, end-all, the best Disney Channel Original Movie: High School Musical. Yes, it missed the golden age of DCOM films (which I’d say had definitely concluded by 2006), but never did a Disney Channel series capture the collective cultural attention as much as High School Musical did. Think back to 2006, and it’s a year unmistakably marked with the branding of HSM: the backpacks, the themed parties, the sudden catapult to super-stardom for both Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron. Living legend Kenny Ortega was arguably the guiding light that made this series work so well, managing even to offer a sequel that’s by all accounts on-par with its original film. If that weren’t enough to get the series into the pantheon, the third film was so successful that Disney took it for a very real theatrical go-round. In short, screw your opinion. This is Disney’s number one.

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