The saying about Hollywood, according to William Goldman, is that "Nobody Knows Anything". That may be true, but I do know this: "Baster" is a flop waiting to happen.  Nathan Rabin will chronicle it one day in "My Year of Flops". If this film could just tank at the box office this weekend, it would save everyone a lot of time.

But we won't save that time so let's go through the motions.  Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman has been cast in "Baster".  It's a title that should you pronounce it correctly (base-ter), it is gross, and not in funny way.  The film is about best friends Wally and Kassie. When Wally learns that Kassie plans to become pregnant through artificial insemination, he replaces the donor's semen with his own and must live with the secret that he is the father of her child.  Um, hilarious?  If this is a dark comedy, then bravo.  It ain't.  It's a romantic comedy which will probably end with Kassie forgiving Wally because even though he snuck his seed into her (which is a little rape-y), he only did it because he loves her.  Awwww fuck this movie.

It will be directed by Will Speck and Josh Gordon ("Blades of Glory") and written by Allan Loeb ("21").  Boy, those are two great films to have to your credit. 

Does any of this sound appealing to anyone?  I love Bateman. I wish that dude nothing but success.  But Aniston, Speck, Gordon, and Loeb?  Why are you wasting everyone's time?  You have nothing worthwhile to offer here.