It took New Line Cinemas 16 years, about $7 million, and dozens upon dozens of drafts by even more scriptwriters to finally decide how to pit slasher icons Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees against each other on screen. The 2003 final result, Freddy vs. Jason—directed by Ronny Yu from a screenplay by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift—is a perfectly fine horror mash-up. Freddy tells some one-liners, Jason kills some teens, and no one even wins in the end of a film that is, unfortunately, most memorable for Kelly Rowland of all people calling Freddy Krueger a slur that immediately guaranteed this film would age into 2018 terribly. Afterward, both the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th franchises were rebooted, Robert Englund never played Kreuger again, and Freddy vs. Jason just sort of exists in limbo as a final monument to a time when Hollywood still created memorable monsters.

But what could have been. Oh, what Could. Have. Been. In the frenzy to be the person fortunate enough to write these two titans of horror at the same time, more than a dozen writers turned in some beautifully wonky ideas, scripts filled with time-travel, sorcery, court cases, beyond over-the-top violence, and impossible-to-film surprise cameos from other horror legends.

Here, as Freddy vs. Jason turns 15 this week, we shine a spotlight on the six most insane ideas that never saw the light of day. Welcome to primetime, bitch.

 

Jason On Trial

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Image via Paramount

A draft from writing duo Brandon Braga and Ronald D. Moore—who are also credited as the minds behind the story of Mission: Impossible 2—put noted supernatural killing machine Jason Voorhees into a courtroom, on trial for his many murders. The script was written during the height of the O.J. Simpson trial, which I'm sure didn't have an effect on anything.

This scenario is 100% less funny than I wanted it to be—mostly I was picturing Jason on the witness stand dripping wet and wearing a hockey mask—due to the fact that Braga and Moore made the character a regular old serial killer. The Friday the 13th films exist in the world of this script but are loosely based on the exploits of a spookily scarred but all too human man named Jason Voorhees.

As you can imagine, this is all very distracting even before dream-infecting demon Freddy Krueger is shoehorned in.

Choice moment from the script:

JUDGE

"Will the defendant please rise during the reading of the charges."

 

Ruby stands and hesitates, afraid to touch Jason, who isn't moving a muscle.

RUBY

"Your Honor, my client...prefers to remain seated."

The Cult of Freddy Kreuger

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Image via New Line Cinema

An idea that I actually love—first introduced in a draft titled Nightmare 13: Freddy Meets Jason by Lewis Abernathy, then expanded on by writer David J. Schow (The Crow)—is a cult of violent, wayward teens who worship Freddy Kreuger; young punks that wear sweaters and red glasses, burn their skin, and take high-dose sleeping pills to communicate with their idol. The idea was that the cult worked the entire movie to bring Freddy into the real world, and the only way to stop them was to Frankenstein Jason Voorhees body back together to stand in his way. It was very convoluted, and very fun.

The problem came when Schow expanded the cult too much, giving them the official name Fred-Heads and introducing their leader, Dominick Cochran, who was taking up too much screentime away from the main even match-up.

Choice moment from the script:

NEWS REPORTER

The cult members have declined to  an on-camera interview but did send out a note with a message. The note—which, by the way, appears to have been written in blood—reads…(reads the note) To the parents of Springwood --Freddy lives! Soon he will come and take one of your children as his virgin bride. Then Freddy will -BEEP-and his -BEEP- upon her -BEEP- and -BEEP- and behold, a soulless child shall be born. The vessel for Freddy to rise and rule the darkness forever and ever.

A Boxing Match in Hell

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Image via New Line

Like I said, Lewis Abernathy's script, written in 1987 as a strictly Elm Street entry, is a blast, and nothing demonstrates this more than the fact that the fight between Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger ends up in a boxing ring in literal Catholic Hell. The ropes are entrails.

Ted Bundy is the ring announcer.

Ted Bundy gets shot by Lee Harvey Oswald.

Jason Voorhees is wearing boxing gloves.

It's brilliant and absurd, and a dang shame this insane scene never saw the light of day.

Choice moment from the script:

INT. NIGHTMARE ARENA - CONTINUOUS ACTION

 

Jason falls into a boxing arena.  The ropes are entrails and atop each corner post is mounted a human head.

 

The spectators are all DEMONS, MONSTERS, and the LIVING DEAD.

 

Jason looks over at his opponent -- dressed in boxing shorts, shoes, and gloves -- it's Freddy. Jason raises his arms and finds he too is wearing boxing gloves.

 

TED BUNDY steps into the ring.

Freddy and Jason Are Erased From Time

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Image via New Line Cinema

The draft turned in by writer Peter Briggs is, to not put too fine a word on it, absolutely batfuck insane, and I weep for the world that doesn't include this roller-coaster-ride into madness as an actual feature-length film. Of course, it would've cost New Line Cinemas roughly 10 bajillion dollars at the time; the highly ambitious script starts in a Necromancer's lair in the Middle Ages and only goes further off the deep end from there, traveling through time and into Hell, giving both Freddy and Jason a steroids-and-acid makeover, and eventually revealing that both characters have been vessels of The Devil himself through both character's entire history. Yes, every death in every Nightmare On Elm Street and Friday the 13th movie was a sacrifice to Satan, who in this script is named Thanos for reasons never quite explained. Oh, and in a genuinely clever twist, Jason Voorhees lived on Elm Street as a child, and his parents were in the mob that killed Freddy Krueger.

Reader, it rules. It makes no sense, but it rules.

In the end, and FBI Agent named Jack Cobain—it was the 90's—is thrown backward in time, where he Back to the Future-s both Freddy and Jason's time-lines, effectively erasing both monsters from existence.

Choice moment from the script:

STEPHANIE

Wow..."Spawn"!  Who'd you reckon'd win if "Spawn" fought "The Mask"?

JACOB

I dunno..."Spawn", I guess.  But it'd be dumb if it was done wrong, 'cause they're from different Universes and you gotta have a proper story to make it work.

Boogerman

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Image via New Line Cinema

Boogerman. Boogerman. This absolute gem of an idea comes from the Abernathy draft. Freddy Krueger snorts a girl up his nose—"Now that's what I call getting a buzz!"—where she encounters a horrific, sentient booger named Boogerman.

The booger speaks in the voice of jazz soloist and horror movie composer Harry Manfredini. I love Boogerman. A Boogerman Extended Universe, please.

Choice moment from the script:

BOOGERMAN

Hi there! I'm the Boogerman! Heh- heh... get it?

 

Stormie screams, backing up into the "trees", trying to put distance between herself and Boogerman.

 

BOOGERMAN

(continuing)

Aww, don't go... we can play "Star Wars". You can be Princess Leia and I'll be Jabba the Hutt!

Pinhead From 'Hellraiser'

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Image via Lionsgate

One of the many alternate endings pitched by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift, who ended up writing the actual finished product, was the cliff-hanger arrival of Pinhead from Clive Barker's Hellraiser franchise.

Apparently, the fight at Camp Crystal Lake remained largely the same but somehow ended up in Hell—a lot of these scrapped ideas ended up in Hell—where Freddy and Jason are confronted by the Cenobite. The problem? New Line Cinemas didn't own the rights to Pinhead. “New Line liked it…[they] didn’t like the idea of having to get the rights," Shannon told Bloody Disgusting.

Although that draft of the script isn't floating around like some of the others, Pinhead's line, which would've cut the film to credits, was reportedly supposed to be "Gentlemen, what seems to be the problem?"