"There's nothing more powerful in the world than a good story," said Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), referring, of course, to the moving, heartrending, but ultimately satisfying finale of HBO's Barry, which aired just minutes after the characters on Game of Thrones decided a psychic Hot Topic t-shirt with a bowl cut who hasn't said more than eight goddamn words all season should be king of the Seven-ish Kingdoms. That's right friends, fans, and probably George R.R. Martin feverishly jotting notes in an "Ideas 4 Books" sketchpad, you heard correctly: Game of Thrones' series finale, titled "The Iron Throne," concluded with a Westerosi council guffawing at the idea of democracy before unanimously voting Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead-Wright)—now going under the the extremely passive-aggressive nickname Bran the Broken, which I can't imagine Bran ever signed off on—as the king of Westeros. When you play the game of thrones you win or you die, especially if you have a cheat code that allows you to nap through all the important bits.

'Twas but one of the many wonky conclusions drawn across GoT's final hour, an episode both written and directed by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss because very much like Thanos they said "fine, we'll do it ourselves" and proceeded to decimate an entire world. I'm kidding (kind of). "The Iron Throne" certainly wasn't the pitch-perfect conclusion I'd personally dreamed up—Jon and Tormund kiss a whole lot more in that version—but it was far from the complete disaster I've been expecting pretty much since Season 8 began. There was good, there was bad, there was that dope shot that made Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) look like she'd literally morphed into one of the gargoyles from Gargoyles. In a few words, it was an ending fit for the back-half of Game of Thrones: Bittersweet, bold, and a bit annoying, a blend of epic fantasy, brutal fire, and undeniable frustration through which Kit Harington managed to not change his facial expression, not at all, not even once.

Even now, here at the very end, there are questions. So many questions. Beginning, of course, with the most important question of all...

Could Robin Arryn Get It?

It brings me no pleasure to report that the answer is unequivocally yes. It appears that somewhere between Seasons 6 and 8 little lord Robin Arryn got his hands on that unique blend of adamantium and anabolic steroids that they feed the kids from Riverdale. In conclusion: The Three-Eyed Raven < The Six-Packed Robin.

No, but seriously:

Bran?

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Bran. Braaaaaan. I know enough about cereal to know that too much Bran is always gonna' lead to a shitty situation, and this, right here, is one soupy bowl of bad narrative decisions. The biggest frustration for me is that, in theory, this works! It is absolutely the right decision for Westeros to do away with a next-of-kin monarchy in favor of a sort of House of Representatives from all over Westeros, because the background dancer from Guy Ritchie's Aladdin that represents Dorne deserves to have his voice heard, too. And the idea of Bran isn't a terrible choice for king. He quite literally knows everything, all at once, everything that's ever happened or will happen, plus the occasional ability to warg into some birds for epic pranks. It's like electing Doctor Strange president, or hiring an actual TI-89 calculator to run a small business. The personality could use some work, but the guy knows facts.

But this sequence, as written and presented, is a hotter mess than the melted children of King's Landing, my friends. To start, Tyrion begins the scene being trotted out in chains as a war criminal and traitor by Grey Worm—who, I guess, has been de facto ruler of King's Landing for months—and proceeds to propose a new form of government like some sort of wilderness-beard Alexander Hamilton, and everyone is just extremely, immediately onboard. Including, somehow, Grey Worm! My dude Grey Worm is like "You don't get to speak! We are done with words!" and Tyrion is like "Yes, but what about these words?" and Grey Worm looks away like "gah bamboozled again" as if he just got shut down by some 5-D chess bullshit and not writing so lifeless Qyburn is sexually attracted to it.

And look, Peter Dinklage is a damn talent, man, and between his farewell to Jaime in "The Bells" and finding his siblings in the rubble here, he's done some of his best, most moving work on Game of Thrones in a long, long time. This multi-Emmy-winning sonavabitch could sell jockstraps to the Unsullied army, and he puts in a downright Herculean effort trying to sell Tyrion's pitch for Bran to be king. But the reasoning just isn't there; instead of opting for the fact Bran is a living, breathing history book, Tyrion leans hard into the idea that Bran has a somewhat intriguing origin story. That's it. Imagine, just imagine hearing this exchange happening in your office:

Colleague 1: Hey, why do we call Steve in accounting Shit-Pants Steven?

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Colleague 2: Last year at the Christmas party he did bath salts and shit his pants. It's actually a pretty epic story. He's been through a lot.

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Colleague 1: Shit-Pants Steven should absolutely be our CEO.

And then it just happens. Everyone's just looking at each other and nodding and the temp guy Robin who got uncomfortably sexy over the summer says "aye" and a slow but steady "Shit-Pants Steven" chant starts to build and suddenly Shit-Pants Steven from accounting is the boss of everything even though, frankly, he's never been any help during a single group project. Dude just naps through quarterly meetings and now he runs the show. Bran Stark, the Shit-Pants Steven of Westeros, wins the crown despite A) Repeatedly insisting he's not Bran Stark anymore, B) Constantly reminding everyone he doesn't really feel human feelings anymore, and C) Having zero, none, nada experience running anything except one (1) expedition beyond the wall, in which 95% of his party died horribly while he chilled in a sled.

If this is the logic Benioff and Weiss are aiming for, fine; flawed though it is, fine, nobody else on the council seems to have a better idea, especially not the constantly melting Lord Yohn Royce. But it is arguable, bordering on objectively true that Bran has like, the sixth or seventh most interesting story of all those people. Sansa Stark survived years of brutal abuse only to literally feed her tormentor to his own dogs, rise the ranks of her House and effectively take control of the notoriously staunch lords of the North through sheer willpower and side glances. Arya Stark traveled across the ocean to basically join the assassin guild from John Wick where she learned to wear other peoples' faces over her own goddamn face, among other talents, which she put to use by singlehandedly saving all of mankind from the living embodiment of death. Davos Seaworth somehow survived 90% of Game of Thrones' biggest battles despite having the athletic ability and temperament of an antique grandfather clock brought to life by a witch's curse.

It's just, gah. Like most of Game of Thrones Season 8, it's about one or two clearer paths to achieving greatness, instead of this dull, thudding blah. I'm more confident than ever that George R. R. Martin did tell Benioff and Weiss every character's conclusion but not the paths to get there, and the six-episode season forced us to take the most shoe-horned, ass-backward roads possible. It's like telling your Uber driver "I don't care which way you go, as long as I eventually end up at this address" and the dude drives straight through a wild baboon sanctuary to get there. Like, applaud the sheer efficiency, but surely there was a more logical route that didn't involve monkey shit getting flung at us from all sides.

Is This Really an End Fit for a Dragon Queen?

Kit Harington as Jon Snow killing Daenerys in Game of Thrones.

If we're being honest, things were never going to end well for Daenerys Targaryen. Not in Westeros, not on Game of Thrones. A cruel world and a cruel show, particularly cruel to women, to rulers, and to people with too much ambition. (Notice how the two people in charge now, Tyrion and Bran, are two dudes who will not stop saying they don't want the job.) Daenerys was, from the start, all of those things turned up to 11, set on fire, given a kick of the ol' incest, and with the added ticking time bomb bonus of having three nuclear warhead sons named after men in her life who died horribly. 

I still think Dany's heel turn in "The Bells" feels like shock over substance, but "The Iron Throne" admittedly did an admirable job contextualizing the mayhem. Dany didn't suddenly transform into a mustache-twirling Mad Queen; she's just a person whose moral compass is so askew it can only point in the direction of batshit bananasville. Down all of her advisors, 3/4 of an army, and two dragon sons, she still just wants to save the world too hard. But thanks to a society that's punished and ridiculed her for trying to be good, she's officially mistaken burning the jail down for opening the cell doors with a key. Why take the road less traveled when you can turn the whole dang forest to ashes?

In comparison, Jon Snow is someone with a moral compass that's been rigidly stuck hard and throbbing on doing the right thing for so long that it technically counts as a serious medical condition. The dude is less direwolf and more McGruff the Crime Dog with a Valyrian steel sword. Jon Snow would rather die than take a whiff of dishonor. He did that. And then the only probably real deity in this world brought his moody ass back to life because humanity could not function without his guiding light. Dude was like "plez, I dunt went teh lev" and God himself was like "too bad you beautiful Christ allegory, get back to work."

So Jon killing Dany is a disappointing inevitability, coming way too soon in a shortened season. It is, in the most literal possible way, her uncontrollable cleansing fire vs. his cool ice. Sometimes it is right there in the title. You go into Batman vs. Superman and kind of expect Batman to be fighting Superman by the end. In this specific scenario, Batman and Superman have sex, like a lot, and then the "Martha" scene is them finding out they're related, and they're actually pretty chill about that, but then Superman flips his shit and nukes Metropolis with his laser eyes. These two things are barely similar and I apologize. The point is, Daenerys Targaryen deserved a better death in a better season, but at this point this is the only death that made sense. If Game of Thrones wasn't going to end with a world on fire, it needed to extinguish its brightest flame.

Speaking of heavy-handed metaphor:

Why Did Drogon Melt the Iron Throne?

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Image via HBO

After finding his mother lying dead among the Red Keep's ruined throne room, Drogon—the last living dragon on the planet—turns his rage on the Iron Throne, melting it into a lava-puddle before grabbing Daenerys in his claws and flying into the mist above Blackwater Bay. It's a beautifully rendered, poignant, highly symbolic moment that is also objectively funny for the following reasons, listed here in the order of how hard they make me chuckle:

  1. This is the second time in six episodes that Jon Snow has stood up and screamed in the face of a dragon.
  2. There is the narrative possibility that Drogon saw Daenerys had been stabbed and turned his attention not on Jon, but on the only rational culprit: A chair made of swords.
  3. There is a second narrative possibility that Drogon has been studying English Lit in between genocides and, instead of killing Jon, this actual dragon delivered a B+-worthy dictation on metaphor and symbolism by burning the real reason for Daenerys' death.

I actually think the third option is the most likely, which indicates a level of cognitive understanding from Drogon that simply has not been hinted at for eight straight seasons. I think we all remember this great scaly monstrosity flying straight into some trees during "The Long Night." Again, like so much of Season 8, it's a beat I adore in a vacuum. I'm all here for Puff the Sassy Dragon telling Jon "if my mom can't have it, no one can." Go all in with it. Have Drogon speak for the first time just to say the real Game of Thrones was a mother's love. There's no way Benedict Cumberbatch couldn't spare an afternoon to read one line.

But I can't shake the feeling that it's just storytelling mechanics getting in the way of actual storytelling. It's bordering on subtext just becoming context. It's a few precarious steps away from some Bilbo Baggins-ass meta nonsense where someone just whips out an actual copy of A Song of Ice and Fire and then

Gods.

For the record, Bran—who basically confirms he could Warg into a dragon if he ever felt like doing something useful—remarks that Drogon was last seen "headed East." To the east of Westeros lies Essos, which is crawling with the red priests and priestesses who worship the Lord of Light, the celestial homie we know for a fact can bring people back from the dead. Just, you know, something to keep in mind for the Game of Thrones revival that is 100% coming to HBO in 2029.

What's West of Westeros?

Uh, nothing. Nothing that anyone has ever seen and lived to tell the tale, anyway. Probably the most satisfying conclusion in the finale is Arya watching Bran take the crown and saying "I'm actually just gonna" sail into a vast unknowable ocean and possibly right off the side of the Earth."

According to the mythology, which I believe Benioff and Weiss probably refer to helpfully as "that nerd shit," to the west of Westeros is the Sunset Sea, an un-crossable ocean without any charted ending. Arya's distant relative, King in the North Brandon Stark, set sail across the Sunset Sea and never came back. His son, Brandon the Burner, went a tad insane with grief and burnt the remaining Stark family ships. So, you know, some really great precedent for putting dudes named Brandon Stark in charge of anything.

Not for nothing, but there are currently two super-secret spin-offs in the works at HBO besides the prequel starring Naomi Watts. There's no indication that Arya Goes West is one of them, but it is highly interesting that the rest of the Starks got closure while Arya basically winked at the camera and said, "my adventures are still under embargo." Or, maybe the fact Maisie Williams is headed off to a destination that no living human has seen and nobody actually believes is real is just free marketing for New Mutants.

Does the Night's Watch Still Exist?

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Image via HBO

Extremely, extremely unclear. For the crime of killing Daenerys Targaryen—who I think more than half the council that makes all the rules now thinks is a dangerously insane war criminal—Jon Snow is sentenced to return to the Night's Watch. To get a sense of the plotting in Season 8 of Game of Thrones, Jon responds to this news with, "Wait...wat."

Because technically, there really isn't a reason for the Night's Watch to exist anymore. For centuries, the men of the Night's Watch defended The Wall, the one that has a football field-sized hole in it now, from the Wildlings and the hypothetical threat of something worse, like The Night King. Well, pretty much the entire realm is chill with the Wildlings now, and a small assassin teen all hopped up on sex saw to the Night King. So barring a surprise Grumkin and Snark Uprising, the Night's Watch's purpose is essentially just jail with a more muted dress code. Tyrion explains it away by saying "the world will always need a place for bastards and broken men," which is a fun saucy way of telling Jon the only friends he'll ever have now are rapists and murderers.

Of course, there's a different read. Considering the fact Tormund met Jon at Castle Black along with #1 Good Boi Ghost—which, okay, their reunion was delightful—seems to hint that this was a ruse, a flim-flam, not a punishment but a way of rewarding Jon Snow with his ultimate goal, a.k.a. fucking off into the woods forever with his dog. (And honestly, whom among us can't relate?) This tracks for me. Having Jon end up physically where he started but with a far firmer sense of self and purpose is pretty much the only arc on the show that somewhat resembles a full circle instead of a loopy roller coaster diagram drawn by a blind person. But the amount of people that would need to be in on this lie kind've makes it feel like they could have just...freed Jon normally, no? Who are they fooling? Grey Worm? With all due respect to Grey Worm, I'm relatively sure you could tell Grey Worm that Jon was an actual ghost this whole time and he'd at least half buy it. Grey Worm is off on a well-deserved beach vacay to Naath to finally discover how the hell to properly pronounce Missandei. Dude doesn't care.

Was 'Game of Thrones' Worth the Eight-Season Effort?

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Image via HBO

Absolutely. Absolutely. Listen, we've had a lot of yucks and picked a lot of nits here in Season 8, because to be honest logic and reason flew out the window immediately, and was replaced by the horniest of pirates and his giant harpoon gun, here to take us over the finish line without any sense of character or cohesiveness. We had Dragons falling from the sky and Long Nights lasting about three-and-a-half-hours. Prophecies went unfulfilled and 'ships sailed in the night only to hit the rocks a few scenes later. If you loved Season 8, more power to you. If you hated Season 8, that's also okay. If you signed a petition to re-do Season 8, go outside and get some fresh air, you absolute buffoon, because stories need to stand on their own as intended, good, bad, or in-between.

I don't entirely disagree with Tyrion's take on stories, and I certainly don't think stories are just their endings. Stories are everything that went into bringing words and images to life, and with Game of Thrones that includes whatever strange, unspeakable alchemy makes Martin's tale of crowns, kings, and crows such a phenomenon. It's easy to lose the forest for the trees when you can't Warg into a bunch of birds for seemingly no reason, but I do think we'll eventually realize something special happened here. Game of Thrones isn't the last great story, obviously, but it certainly feels like the last great story we'll experience together. When I think of moments—Ned's death, that first "Dracarys," the Red Wedding, Jon's resurrection—I think first of sharing notes, sharing traumas, sharing that experience with people I knew and people I didn't. Yeah, I don't know. That's it, really. Something special happened here.

I was a junior in college when I first heard of Game of Thrones, back when someone wasn't paying for my opinion on it or much else, and it felt like an impossible pipe dream. What a time it's been. What a bloody, bizarre, bewildering, beautiful time.

Finally, my watch has ended.

But Seriously What Was the Point of the Whole Cersei Hiring Bronn Thing?

Jerome Flynn as Bronn in Game of Thrones.

I said my watch has ended.

For more on the Game of Thrones finale, click on the links below: