April 15, 2009

Written by Eli

Its seems like everyday now I turn around and someone is advertizing some “lost” collection of films. Generally I don’t give a crap, because a lot of lost gems are better off lost, and if we’re going to watch mediocre movies, we might as well watch new mediocre movies. I would stick to this rule more staunchly if a)Steve didn’t send me free shit all the time and b) if damn nostalgia for the eighties didn’t sucker me in every time. (You are reading the words of a man who recently wrote a defense of Howard the Duck.)

Enter the lost gems Hiding Out and Morgan Stewarts Coming Home. Both star Jon Cryer, both are less than genius, and both warm my heart due to their places in my childhood. But before I get to the hardcore reminiscing let me talk about the movies a little bit first.

Morgan Stewarts Coming home is a coming of age tale of incredibly good natured teenage rebellion. Morgan Stewart (Cryer) has been away at boarding school for seven years. When his politico parents need a bump in the polls they decide to “focus on the family” and involve their son in some ad buys. Morgan originally thinks he is coming home so he and his parents can “finally be a family.” Cryer exhibits his general awkward charm as he gets into trouble, meets a girl (Viveka Davis, more on her later), and finds a bad guy to fight (perennial asshole Paul Gleeson of Breakfast Club fame.)

Hiding out is a little bit stranger, and a little bit better. Cryer plays baby faced, yet strangely bearded stock broker Andrew Morenski. He is set to testify against a crooked client who then hires a hit man to make sure he never testifies. It quickly becomes clear that the FBI can’t protect Andrew so he… shaves his beard dies his hair and goes back to highschool. The movie then shifts from comedy thriller to odd coming of age tale. It’s a weird mix, especially when Max House (Andrew in disguise) ends up dating a highschooler Ryan Cambell (Annabeth Gish, more on her later) and falling for her, despite his knowing that it is oh so wrong.

The movies, as said, are not brilliant. Regardless they are definitely worth the time for fans of Cryer, or 80’s nostalgia enthusiasts.

Personally the movies hold a place in my heart for two reasons. The first is Cryer, whose performance as horror film loving geek Morgan Stewart explains a lot of my behavior in middle and highschool. Add in his awkward fish out water who just can’t help being so darn cool in Hiding out, and you pretty much have a blue print for my ways of wooing women up until the point that I discovered that in addition to having crippling social anxiety, I also have rugged good looks.

The second is the ladiez. Yes I spelled that with a sleazily placed Z. Viveka Dvis presents a punky and fun hottie in In Morgan Stewart. Think sort of like Madonna but a girl you could maybe actually bag. Her bra and panties (and monster mask) shower scene with Cryer caused feelings in my eight year old self that I would not fully understand until I was nine or ten. And in hindsight, my middleschool girlfriend is the spitting image of Annabeth Gish. That clears things up. For years I though the reason I dated her was because she had boobs and let me touch them.**

But enough about me, onto the extras.

A trailer! How exciting. And a trivia track.

But you weren’t buying these movies for the extras. Rent these films and try your best to forget that Two and a Half men exists.

** While it is true that the reason I originally wooed Meghan was her boobs, I lucked out and she also happened to be smart, funny and creative. This goes to show that sometimes listening to your penis works out okay.

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