How THE DARK KNIGHT RISES Should Have Ended

by     Posted 2 years, 59 days ago

the-dark-knight-rises-cartoon-slice

This video has been making the rounds over the past few days and though the piling on of nitpicking over Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises has gotten pretty heavy already, this one’s all in good fun.  The good folks over at HISHE have put together an animated take on how The Dark Knight Rises should have ended.  Some of the points are comically valid, but others are a bit far-fetched (there’s no way Bane gets taken down by sleeping darts without his goons retaliating immediately).  At the end of the day, while far from a perfect, The Dark Knight Rises was a damn fun ride.  Despite the vitriolic flame wars that broke out over the film’s merits, Nolan’s trilogy put a stamp on the Batman legend that will loom large for a very long time.

Hit the jump to watch the HISHE video, along with another ending parody that is definitely worthwhile.

Via HISHE.

Funny stuff, but of all the videos to come out of The Dark Knight Rises release, this one is by far my favorite. Warning, not exactly safe for work:

Batman-The-Dark-Knight-Rises-wall-poster




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  • t

    rather than “put a stamp on batman” the dark knight rises completely embarrassed the legacy of the trilogy. Oh, Begins and DK largely centered around batman never killing somebody as the crux for large parts of the drama? Let’s have him explode a gun with missiles in the 3rd movie and never address it. Everyone should hate this movie and anyone who liked it should feel a deep, abiding and everlasting sense of shame and disgrace.

    • AgentOfFate

      Wow dude, you are completely retarded, I mean thats the sort of comment someone would leave if they had gotten raped by Christopher Nolan and/or Batman as a child. Lighten up loser, and next time try and leave a comment that doesn’t reek of insanity.

    • nkutzler

      Firstly, I don’t know what you just said about the gun (the tank that he EMP’s, I suppose) but the great street chase in TDK sees him killing two people (trash-truck driver and Semi-driver). In this one, Batman kills Talia and her Henchman- except that it’s actually Talia’s stubbornness to press forward that makes her crash horrifically.
      As I see it, the first half-2/3 of the movie is great largely because it harkens back to TDK. The part that pushes the film downhill is basically when the Bomb is introduced, leading to a complicated city fight that took something like 10 hours total. However, fans of Batman Begins (good movie, just not great) probably loved the city sequence. The secondary stories are almost more interesting- Blake returns to save the orphans who have brought him through after his parents’ deaths, Selina must decide if she can abandon the people to save herself. It’s really Talia that makes it weak- firstly, she makes sure that Bane can’t go and hunt Batman. Second, Batman wages a fist fight to save her. Third, there’s no real sign that she’s a great warrior or threat except that she sort of seduced Bruce Wayne. That’s what I found to be the weak part, and it reminds me of how little I liked Raz and how great the eccentric Scarecrow was (and God bless Cillian Murphy for his roles in all three movies).

    • Mikey Filmz

      Couldnt agree more

    • t

      Sorry exploded a “guy” with missiles, not gun. This movie is the worst turd ever forced down the throats of the viewing public by Warner bros marketing. Inane story, dialogue, plot and characters. Nolan should be pilloried in town square and personally go door to do to give anyone who paid to see it there money back and offer a heartfelt apology before spreading his legs to receive a field goal kick to the scrotum.

      • u

        cool story, bro.

      • GET OVER IT!

        really? so its worse than Batman Forever and Batman & Robin? You absolute fool!

      • t

        At least Batman & Robin knew it was a comedy. The Dark Knight Rises is serious and ludicrous a much worse thing than intentional camp. It’s as bad as Battleship, Revenge of the Fallen or The Phantom Menace. The dialogue is heinous. The story is full of wholes and contradictions. Critics are afraid to say how puke-inducing it is because they’ll get death threats from fanboys. But here, now, I will make a stand. For freedom of speech. For liberty. For democracy. THE DARK KNIGHT RISES SUCKS!!!!!!!!

      • everlastinglove

        YES! I think i love you.

    • Elrojo

      OK you Twilight bitch go choke on a Cock!

    • spongefist

      I enjoyed Batman and Robin more… TDKR was truly bad in so many ways… the kids climbing wall put me over the edge.

      Are you telling me that prisoners with access to knives and ropes could not easily have got out !?

      Ridiculous.

      In rock climbing their is something called ‘protection’ which although I’m sure the dick-wads who loved the movie have not heard about but is in reality how even an average climber ascends a wall.

      This is just one among hundreds of utterly ridiculous plot devices that failed the movie so incredibly…

      • Jay Wilson

        I can not possibly agree with you about Batman and Robin, but I’m on board with everything else you said.

        Though I will say I enjoyed Ghost Rider 2 more than TDKR…

  • amg907

    “t” likes cock. ^^^^^^

    • Elrojo

      ‘t’ likes cocks ‘n’ dicks!

  • Anonymous

    haaha first

  • Twojawas

    TDKR is definitely the Return of the Jedi of this trilogy but it’s still pretty good.

  • Lance

    Return of the Jedi? Sorry, but there was nothing approaching the level of Ewoks in this film.

    TDKR is an awesome film. It, Prometheus, and Avengers ought to be remembered as the standout films of the summer.

    • movie kid

      You lost me with Prometheus

    • Sean

      Prometheus? No. That film was an episodic mess of Red Shirts in place characters adm a terrible script. I remember it as the one of the 4 films I saw that I absolutely hated.

  • Johnson

    OK, that second video was absolutely disgusting and retarded! Seriously, mr. Chitwood, I had much greater respect for you before you showed us that thing…

  • Todd

    The second video is beyond horrible. That has crossed the line, really. I didn’t like TDKR but that parody is totally disgusting and done in poor taste.

  • Strong Enough

    It just goes to show you how good TDK was that some people have a problem with TDKR.

    bottom line is TDKR is a great film. TDK is a moment in time, lightning in a bottle that won’t happen again for a very long time. But TDKR is an excellent film and the whole TDKR trilogy is the one of the greatest trilogies in all of cinema.

    Amen.

  • tt

    The second video was made by a bunch a retard fuckwads and Chitwood is a bigger retard fwad for linking to it. Not funny and anyone who thought it was– how should I say this– you should feel a deep, abiding and everlasting sense of shame and disgrace.

  • Marco

    Seriously, Adam Chitwood… You think that disgusting parody was the funniest one? I think that’s borderline deranged and I have a pretty open sense of humor…I would be embarrassed to say I thought that was funny….but then again your last name is Chitwood….That’s funny!

    • GET OVER IT!

      agreed!

  • Joe

    That second clip was COMPLETELY outta line you fuc.kin lout.

  • Andrew

    Why the hell do you think that is funny?

  • Patuniverse.com

    The Dark Knight Rises was a great film. I think even the people who claim to dislike it so much, like it but they’re just looking for something to bitch about. A lot of bitching and trolling online happens after a sequel to a classic movie like The Dark Knight somewhat falls short. The first video was funny but the second one was garbage.

    • t

      No, it’s just that…how can I put this politely…some people are more intelligent than others and are offended when they are gold bricked by a snooty limey whose reach exceeds his grasp. Poor Chris “George Lucas” Nolan has totally lost his edge. He’ll never make a good film again.

      • Sean

        You do know that your trolling is as transparent as a window right? Even if you had a point about the film not being good, when you say things like Nolan will never make a good movie again you sound like a moron, right?

      • everlastinglove

        THANK YOU!!!
        We are not trolls – I say we because I agree with t that the film is a mess.
        There are so many inconsistencies, and flat out contradictions in the storytelling, that it is uncomfortable to watch. My issue with all of this undue praise is that the more people who support this sort of shoddy craftsmanship, the lower the standards become for follow up films. Hollywood is very focused on what the geeks and nerds want -and right now you are saying “No hollywood -we don’t need quality stories, or sense or logic -we just want to see superheroes in gritty, dark worlds. We don’t even care if we can understand what they say! Of course batman talks like scooby doo! That’s okay by me! Sure, there is only one man in the world that can defuse a bomb -execpt for that OTHER only man in the world that can defuse the bomb – Nolanities are the ones who are in denial, not us.

    • Herb White

      As a fan of Batman the character – and also a Nolan fan in general, but I like Batman more – I was disappointed in the film. It has a clear trajectory as far as story goes, and a lot of the nitpicks are silly (like the ridiculous question, “How did Bruce Wayne get back into Gotham?”), but I can’t help but feel that Nolan not only failed to nail the Batman/Bruce Wayne character in this film, he also undercut the primary theme of the first two films, which is that not anyone can be Batman, it takes a special person to be above corruption and take on the role of symbolic hope.

      TDKR really kind of screws with TDK in the sense that the ending of TDK, which was so incredibly powerful before this film, is rendered moot. In TDK, Batman takes the flak for Dent’s murders because, as the film states, he can “take it.” But when TDKR opens, what are we shown? That he CAN’T take it – he gave up being Batman that very night. TDKR, in a roundabout way that I don’t believe was intentional at all, shows that Batman failed at stopping the Joker, and that he lost. He couldn’t be the symbol or the man that Gotham needed him to be. He just stopped being. That’s not the Batman character. At all.

      The other primary gripe I have with the film is that it, ultimately, downplays the importance of Bane because Talia had daddy issues. It’s not a huge flaw, but it’s one that, in hindsight, weakens the overall arc of the film for me.

      These are not just unnecessary gripes – these are issues that hurt my genuine enjoyment and love for the film, and weakened previous entries, as well. I hoped that The Dark Knight Trilogy would go down as the best cinematic trilogy ever, but it seems as though it wasn’t meant to be. For my money, that title still belongs to Lord of the Rings.

      • Polarboy

        Great comment, couldn’t agree more.

  • Dantesbull

    What the fukc!! Come on!! There’s one thing like House with a 1000 Corpses or freaking Hostel II but that second vic was just disgusting!!! Not funny!!! Sick!! What’s wrong with you!!???

  • chrissy

    By the way people were talking about the second vid I thought it was gonna be something about that shooting. It’s still gross and not funny though.

  • Wes

    And some of us know how to complain about a film while RESPECTING the opinions of other people. You didn’t like it, t. Get over it!!! You’re not going to get anybody on your side by insulting them!

    • t

      No, these blind fanboys bully and shout down anyone with valid criticisms just because they swing from Nolan’s sack. I’m not going to let them push people around. There punishment must be more severe. They’re not even being obnoxious about a good movie, which is the worst part.

      • Alan

        I am sorry, but “bully”? Didn’t you write that people would have to be stupid like the film (“No, it’s just that…how can I put this politely…some people are more intelligent than others”) and now you want to cry and beg for others’ sympathy? Poor, T, I do feel sorry for you …

      • spongefist

        t, you sir are a legend…. these Nolan fanboys have the intellectual capacity of a table cloth.

        TDKR was even worse than Inception, which I though couldn’t be topped for intellectual wank crap of the decade.. but in Nolan I trust to make utter shite…

      • spongefist

        t, you are indeed a legend and indeed the bully boy fan boys punishment must indeed be more severe !!
        ha ha ha ha, that really cracked me up.

        Once again fan bully boys answer this:

        the kids climbing wall put me over the edge.

        Are you telling me that prisoners with access to knives and ropes could not easily have got out !?

        Ridiculous.

        In rock climbing their is something called ‘protection’ which although I’m sure the dick-wads who loved the movie have not heard about but is in reality how even an average climber ascends a wall.

        This is just one among hundreds of utterly ridiculous plot devices that failed the movie so incredibly…

  • kyle

    the second video was hilarious! lighten up people jeez…

    • marco

      Funny for people who think morbid headless skullf##king and semen jokes are really creative…..It’s more about growing up than lightening up….

  • Poor batman

    Sorry but the 2nd video was funny. Funny or Die is a crazy fn show. I just thought the whole ripped cam was the funniest part with people clapping. Yes it’s disgusting but that’s the point. Like WTF. I like when he kicks his head that was great. I give you this though, it shouldn’t be on this website like this. And how can they just put Nolan’s name on it lol. If he saw that he would prop sue lol. Or puke

  • Shaun

    Um, no… Pat. I definitely did not like TDKR. In fact, I pretty much hated it. Sure, there were some really good moments, and I think there was a good film hiding somewhere in that bloated, nearly three-hour mess, but my disappointment far outweighs anything else.

    Batman Begins and TDK remain two of my all-time favorite movies, but TDKR (for me, at least) is all the more disappointing because of it. I completely respect other people’s opinions of it, but for me it’s just I’m not going to belittle others, like our friend “t” is doing.

    The cartoon parody here does a nice job with some of my gripes, but I have lots more…. I didn’t like the eight-year gap. Nothing in TDK led me to believe Bruce was just going to quit like he did. Batman’s always been an outlaw in these films, and at times even treated as an “urban legend” in the comics. I didn’t think he’d just quit completely. Even so, if we accept that, why is Bruce suddenly limping around, using a cane? Even if his injuries at the end of TDK were that serious (and I never got the impression they were… Not even the gunshot, since his suit protected him somewhat), he’s had eight years to heal up. He still appears to be in great condition, when h\’s shirtless after boinking “Miranda.”

    Bruce ends up quitting again, at the end of course. I just don\’t believe he’d abandon Gotham completely, and run off with Selina like that. Did he at least stash a bunch of money away, that wasn’t lost in the Daggett’s fraud? If not, how do he and Selina plan on getting by the rest of their lives? And why didn’t Bruce and Lucius do anything to prove the fraud? Lucius says it might take months… Wouldn’t that attack on Wall St., along with Bruce already having evidence of Daggett’s connection to Bane, have any impact on proving it? At the very least, I’d think all activity from that day would’ve been voided due to the attack.

    Since Bruce is (apparently) broke and has now faked his death and disappeared, how successful can Blake possibly be as the new Batman? He didn’t exactly come off as much of a fighter when confronting the fake construction workers. The idea that “anyone” can be Batman really doesn’t hold up. Without Bruce there (whether he fakes his death or not) to provide training and resources, Blake’s time as Batman (and Blake himself) will be short-lived indeed.

    How the hell do Talia and Bane know about the R&D at Wayne Enterprises, and then manage to set up shop right under it? Lucius says it\’s invisible and completely off the books, but yet the League knows where it is. It’s unclear if Talia really knew where the reactor was (but she probably didn’t, since they didn’t just take it earlier), so how likely is it they knew about R&D?

    Batman\’s supposed to be a detective, and see a little of that in both TDK and TDKR, but he never once suspects “Miranda’s” intentions for this huge project? Very disappointing… I wanted him to find Talia out, so seeing him get shived by her, and then just sit there and bleed, was lousy. I refuse to believe Batman wouldn\’t fight on. He’s been seriously hurt before. Instead, after defeating Bane in their second fight, we get Bane getting back up and nearly killing Batman, who would’ve died if Catwoman hadn’t returned (ala Han Solo) to save him. And she kills Bane with guns, then making a wisecrack about Batman’s anti-gun stance. All of this serves to make Batman look weak and foolish, IMO.

    That’s not what I wanted out of this finale… I wanted Batman to put Bane down himself, once and for all. Maybe he should’ve smashed Bane’s mask off completely, in a nice mirror image of the first Batman/Bane fight, and the sudden rush of pain completely incapacitates Bane? Maybe it even kills him… I dunno. I just know I didn’t like how the actual movie played that out. I just wanted Batman to definitively defeat Bane, and we didn’t get that.

    I could go on and on about other gripes: the supposed political commentary that, if there was a point to it all seemed muddled at best, wasn’t needed (Talia and Bane coming to Gotham to finish Ra’s work was enough) , the Wall St. attack and chase scene that suddenly changed from day to night, Bruce’s back being healed by a punch to his back and some sit-ups, a prison that offers an escape (no matter how unlikely, why offer the chance?), holding Gotham hostage for months when you’re just going to blow it up anyhow (and Talia, Bane, and the whole League just going to sacrifice themselves?), or Batman saving the cops from a missle, but then just flying off to leave the (mostly gunless) cops to fight all those guys with guns? WTF??

    A lot of this, to me, was just bad writing. Blake “just knew” Bruce was Batman, even as a kid? Whatever. Alfred walk out on Bruce? What happened to “Neve-AH!” from Batman Begins? I never once believed he would actually do that to Bruce, and his telegraphing the end of the movie, with the cafe in Florence, was just cheesy as hell. Watching Caine blubber at the funeral was just embarrassing. Then again, so was everyone running around trying to find a bomb up until the very last second, practically. Totally cliched. Batman\’s going to the trouble of of creating the flaming bat atop the bridge sure seemed like a waste of time too… And he just knew Gordon was going to be there on the ice (which is conveniently thick enough to walk on now) to pick up his flare? Uh-huh.

    Mostly though, I just felt like there wasn’t enough Batman in this final (for now) Batman movie. Too many pointless characters and subplots (why the hell was Matthew Modine even in this film?) crammed into what didn’t need to be such a convoluted tale. Even Neeson’s cameo was disappointing. A hallucination, there just to try to fool us into thinking Bane was R\a’s son? Lame. As lame as the entire movie was, for me, unfortunately.

    Nolan made two-thirds of a great trilogy. I suppose the final third puts a definitive finish to it, and it doesn\’t negate what great work he did with the first two, but it wasn’t the epic, triumphant finale I was hoping for.

    • ScaredForMovies

      I agree with a lot of your points. Although I still enjoyed it more than you did I feel the same way. It wasn\’t up to the standards of Begins and the Dark Knight. It was the weakest of the trilogy for sure. The elements of a great story were there but it just didn\’t reach its full potential. I\’m not sure if Nolan rushed it but it felt a little like lazy story telling. For me Bane and Talia\’s deaths really stood out as the weak points. They should have dropped Matthew Modine\’s character and focused on developing Talia. It’s not like anyone was surprised when her big reveal happened. And two minutes later she was dead. Sorry if this double posts but blame Collider.

    • Nate

      Excellent summary. I feel the same way: I really wanted to like TDKR, but this movie was a disappointment to me.

      There was not enough Batman or Alfred in this movie. Even “John Blake” got more screen time. Ultimately, my problem with this movie was that it was totally unbelievable, especially the whole “bomb plot” and “martial law” stuff. The characters were totally unrealistic as well: Alfred simply leaving. Batman is crippled, but then straps on a knee brace and suddenly he is healed and kicking through walls! Batman repeated trusting Catwoman even after she robbed him, stole his identity, betrayed him to bane and left him for dead…”Hey Selina, I know you just screwed me over the entire movie, but I am gonna just trust you one last time”…geeez….He should have choked that b*tch…

    • Alan

      I am sorry, but all these criticisms are cosmetic and shallow, and just show that you wanted the film to be more mindless.

      “I didn’t like the eight-year gap. Nothing in TDK led me to believe Bruce was just going to quit like he did.”

      Oh, you mean after the love of his life is killed, the man he saw as the future of his city turned out to be a killer and the city hates him, he’s shot, but you still don’t ‘believe’ that he would retire? Gotham is a better place at the beginning of TDKR, and it is clearly establishes in the Bane/Batman chase that Bruce’s presence is a distraction of the police. If Bruce had stayed out of the chase, then Gotham’s police may have intercepted Bane, but Batman’s presence created an unnecessary distraction for the police. This is a clear plot detail.

      “I just don\’t believe he’d abandon Gotham completely, and run off with Selina like that.”

      Bruce is not his wealth, the film made a strong point about this, and such wealth will not bring him happiness. The film establishes that Bruce deserves a chance at happiness, and I don’t understand how you can think that a man that repeatedly puts his life on the line doesn’t deserve the opportunity for normalcy. (‘But Bruce Wayne is the rich superhero. He can’t be poor because he is rich and that is what makes him cool.’)

      “I wanted Batman to put Bane down himself, once and for all. Maybe he should’ve smashed Bane’s mask off completely, in a nice mirror image of the first Batman/Bane fight”

      Oh God, this isn’t even criticism anymore: this is just saying that you wanted things to be done YOUR WAY, and that the film sucks because it didn’t follow your idea. So, essentially, it’s rubbish because it isn’t the film that you wanted? Right … well, the point of Selina killing Bane was to show that Bruce’s faith in others is restored and justified, but considering that you clearly want Batman to punch criminals for two hours I guiess this thematic thread went a little over your head.

  • Nate

    I really wanted to like TDKR, but this movie was a disappointment to me. There was not enough Batman or Alfred in this movie. Even “John Blake” got more screen time. Ultimately, my problem with this movie was that it was totally unbelievable, especially the whole “bomb plot” and “martial law” stuff. The characters were totally unrealistic as well: Alfred simply leaving. Batman is crippled, but then straps on a knee brace and suddenly he is healed and kicking through walls! Batman repeated trusting Catwoman even after she robbed him, stole his identity, betrayed him to bane and left him for dead…”Hey Selina, I know you just screwed me over the entire movie, but I am gonna just trust you one last time”…geeez….He should have choked that b*tch…

  • junierizzle

    The only two complaints I cant argue are: 1) Blake knowing who Batman was. You either go with it or you don’t. 2)Matthew Modine. Just shouldn’t have been there.

    All the other complaints are either nitpicks or just bated what they did.

    And one more thing. You cant say its bloated and convuluted and say its dumb. If there is so much going on that you couldn’t follow then maybe you are the dumb one. Just saying.

  • spongefist

    I enjoyed Batman and Robin more… TDKR was truly bad in so many ways… the kids climbing wall put me over the edge.

    Are you telling me that prisoners with access to knives and ropes could not easily have got out !?

    Ridiculous.

    In rock climbing their is something called \’protection\’ which although I\’m sure the dick-wads who loved the movie have not heard about but is in reality how even an average climber ascends a wall.

    This is just one among hundreds of utterly ridiculous plot devices that failed the movie so incredibly…

  • ScaredForMovies

    Bruce doesn’t kill people yet his faith is restored when Selina kills people. Meh. What were your thoughts on the Talia arc or lack there of? Look I didn’t hate this movie. In fact I rather enjoyed it but to say it was flawless and get angry at other peoples criticisms is ignorant. His point was that in the build up of Bane,(who was a great villain) it just seems silly that in the end Selina busts through a wall and kills him. Considering that he broke Batman it just would have been more fitting if Batman returned the favour. The payoff was lacking in comparison to the build up.

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