‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom’ Spoiler Review: Stupidity Finds a Way

     June 25, 2018

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Jurassic World was by no means a “smart” movie, but it had some loose kind of internal logic that barely held together if you didn’t look at it too hard. Its sequel, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, however, goes full-blown idiotic from the get-go. Working from a premise that makes absolutely no sense, the movie fluctuates between predictable, stupid, and predictably stupid. Despite some pretty direction from J.A. Bayona, there’s nothing he can do to rescue Colin Trevorrow and Derek Connolly’s lazy, boneheaded script that never met a shortcut it wasn’t willing to take. Yes, the film will give you the destructive dino carnage you crave, but it’s difficult to enjoy when you’re constantly rolling your eyes at every decision the characters make.

Three years after the events of Jurassic World, Isla Nublar is about to explode* due to an active volcano that will destroy all the dinosaurs remaining on the island. Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) is now an activist for the protection of dinosaurs, and already the movie has fallen apart. Claire and her organization, which includes paleoveterinarian Zia Rodriguez (Daniella Pineda) and systems analyst Franklin Webb (Justice Webb), want to prevent the re-extinction of dinosaurs. At no point in the movie does anyone ask, “Can’t you just make more?”

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Image via Universal Pictures

I do know I was constantly reminded of a quote from Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) not from this film, where he sits in at a senate hearing and gives dire warnings, but his dire warning from Jurassic Park:

“This isn’t some species that was obliterated by deforestation, or the building of a dam. Dinosaurs had their shot, and nature selected them for extinction.”

Fallen Kingdom operates under the assumption that we want the dinosaurs to live. Even if you think they shouldn’t go re-extinct (and they totally should because they’re a freaking hazard and the best thing anyone could think to do with them is put them in a theme park), their extinction on Isla Nublar wouldn’t matter because the previous movies establish that the science exists to just make more dinosaurs. Throughout the film, every time someone brought up trying to save the dinosaurs, I instantly responded, “Why don’t you just make more?”

When the U.S. government wisely decides not to save the dinosaurs, Claire gets a call from Johnny Exposition, Eli Mills (Rafe Spall), the assistant to the wealthy Benjamin Lockwood (James Cromwell), who was John Hammond’s former partner who has never been mentioned until now. Eli says they want to save the dinosaurs by putting them on a nearby island that won’t explode (why this wasn’t the location for the theme park is never explained), but he needs Claire to recruit Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) because they’ll never be able to capture his beloved raptor, Blue. Claire replies, “DURRRR. OKAY. I’M SURE THIS ISN’T A DOUBLE-CROSS,” and happily goes off to believe something that’s too good to be true. Owen, with his past feelings for Claire and his affection for Blue, reluctantly agrees to be Blandsome McCoolguy once again and head off to the island.

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Image via Universal Pictures

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