Monopoly Plot Revealed (Spoiler Alert: It’s Going to Suck)

     November 11, 2009


Hollywood is known, and some would say loathed, for the “me too” attitude studios adopt in order to ride the coat tails of money-making trends. When Transformers made a bazillion dollars a few years ago, studios scrambled to secure the rights to every imaginable toy, board game, and absolutely anything that children were interested in during the early 1990s.  We now have two Transformers movies, a G.I. Joe movie, we’re getting Candyland and Battleship movies, and of course Ridley Scott’s (I seriously have to do a double take every time I read this) Monopoly.  I could go into a lengthy discussion illustrating the differences between giant weapon-wielding robots that transform into jets and tanks and a boring (that’s right, I said it) board game designed to teach children the thrilling world of property management, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume I’m preaching to the choir.  Instead I’m here to reveal to you the plot behind this whopper of a bad idea straight from the mouth of story writer Frank Beddor.  You really need to follow the jump for this.

Ridley Scott.jpgBefore we get into the meat of the story, there are some things I want you to notice about Beddor’s comments.  First, they are written as though he is joking, as though his plot is the satire of an alternate reality in which it’s acceptable to make a movie out of a slow-paced board game that usually ends in frustration or disinterest.  Second, the film will be essentially one long pun, incorporating imagery from the board game that Beddor believes (falsely) will elicit fondness and wonderment from audiences.  Third, it is Jumanji. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, here (in its entirety) is the plot of Ridley Scott’s Monopoly from the L.A. Times Blog:

“I created a comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they’re playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding a Chance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.'”

monopoly_funny_chance_card_01.jpg“He’s all groggy and he goes down to buy some coffee and he reaches into his pocket and all he has is Monopoly money. All this Monopoly money pours out. He’s confused and embarrassed and the girl reaches across the counter and says, ‘That’s OK.’ And she gives him change in Monopoly money. He walks outside and he’s in this very vibrant place, Monopoly City, and he’s just come out of a Chance Shop. As it goes on, he takes on the evil Parker Brothers in the game of Monolopy. He has to defeat them. It tries to incorporate all the iconic imageries — a sports car pulls up, there’s someone on a  horse, someone pushing a wheelbarrow — and rich Uncle Pennybags, you’re going to see him as the maître d’ at the restaurant and he’s the buggy driver and the local eccentric and the doorman at the opera. There’s all these sight gags.”

If you read that and at no point expressed disbelief that this is actually real, pat yourself on the back.  There’s not one original, fresh, or non-suicide motivating idea in the entire description, and worst of all it made Ridley Scott (still can’t believe it) say, “I must direct this movie”.  This is where film making is headed, folks.  We’re headed for a world where fantastic auteurs churn out absolute garbage and do so with pride.  I hate this movie.

Around The Web

Latest News

BLACK PANTHER: Ava DuVernay Passes on Directing the Marvel Film

The 'Selma' filmmaker says she and Marvel had different ideas about what a 'Black Panther' movie should be.

High-Res Presentation Reel Reveals the JOHN CARTER that Could Have Been

This actually looks awesome.

BATMAN V SUPERMAN Scenes Include a Rainy Rooftop Battle and Solemn Chats with Alfred

Get ready for some more crash-bang destruction, now with twice the superheroes!

Skydance CEO & COO David Ellison and Dana Goldberg and Director Alan Taylor Talk TERMINATOR GENISYS

The director and producers talk first cut, deleted scenes, what they learned from friends and family screenings, Easter eggs, and more.

Disney’s 9 Most Wicked Animated Villains

Haleigh, Matt, and Dave single out their picks for best Disney Animated villains, ranging from Snow White's Evil Queen to Hercules' sassy ruler of the Underworld.

New ANT-MAN Trailer Disses the Iron Man Armor

Hank Pym believes that a suit designed to make someone shrink down to the size of an ant isn't “cute technology”.

Matt Bomer on MAGIC MIKE XXL, the WHITE COLLAR Ending, Shane Black, and More

The actor discusses his adoration for 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang's Gay Perry, working with Black on 'The Nice Guys', and how 'E.T.' made a strong impression on him as a child.

SELF/LESS: Four Clips & Behind-the-Scenes Footage Reveal the Side Effects of Death

The new 'Self/less' clips finally show off some of Tarsem's signature flair.

New PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES Images Prepare for Proper Slaying

Director Burr Steers says his spin on Austen’s novel won’t be winking at the camera.

DEADPOOL: The Merc with a Mouth and Negasonic Teenage Warhead Catch a Cab

A new image showcases Wade Wilson and his young, telepathic pal.

Page 1 of 4,02712345...102030...Last »
echo ' '; ?>