Matt Live-Blogs the 85th Academy Awards

     February 24, 2013


You’ve read our predictions, you’ve read all of our Oscar coverage, and tonight the winners of the 85th Academy Awards will be announced.  As I’ve done in past years, I will be live-blogging the ceremony and some of the red carpet.  Seth MacFarlane is hosting this year’s ceremony, and I’ve got a good feeling that he’ll do a solid job.  Of course, it’s the Oscars so there will be plenty of silliness both intended and unintended, and I’ll be providing my thoughts on all of it throughout the night.

My live-blogging will kick in around 8:00pm (EST) and then just keep refreshing the page for my latest thoughts on the 85th Academy Awards.  I’ll also be tweeting (cross-platform mockery!), and you can follow me on Twitter at @MattGoldberg.  We’re almost at the finish line of the 2013 awards race.  Let’s brave Hollywood’s self-congratulatory ceremony together.  The ceremony begins at 8:30pm (EST).

[All times Eastern]

8:00pm — It begins.  Jennifer Aniston is doing empty red carpet banner and wearing a nice dress.  It’s going to be a long night…

8:03pm — Is there something wrong with Kristin Chenoweth’s stomach?  Is she trying to keep Kuato in?

8:04pm — Halle Berry is proud to be a part of the Bond franchise.  And now she’s driving away in her invisible car.

8:06pm — George Clooney is preparing for his role as sexy Santa Claus.

8:10pm — I could switch over to E! for more red carpet coverage, but WHY.

8:12pm — Anne Hathaway’s dress is awful, therefore I am better than Anne Hathaway.

8:15pm — “Has Abraham Lincoln stayed with you in your heart?” “No, now I’m all about Millard Fillmore.”

8:18pm — Chenoweth is clinching her side more than Noomi Rapace in PROMETHEUS.  Someone has been using the Abortionator5000…

8:22pm — So are black monochrome tuxedos a thing now?

8:23pm — Holy shit!  The Oscars are on a table!  And they’re being polished?!  Everything before the show is so essential.

8:24pm — Hey guys, remember COLD MOUNTAIN?  If so, I’m sorry.

8:25pm — I’m waiting for the part of the ceremony where someone is handed an Oscar but it’s actually Chenoweth and she goes “Psych!” and runs away.

8:30pm — “And the quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh starts now.”  Good opener.

8:34pm — “If you bumped into Don Cheadle on the lot, would you try to free him?” That got a big laugh out of me.

8:35pm — How can we make this show get really weird, really fast?  William Shatner reprising his role as Captain Kirk.

8:38pm — And now a song about boobs.  I think I’m having a fever dream.

8:39pm — This opening is giving my brain whiplash.

8:41pm — This is the worst kind of self-deprecation.  It’s saying “I know the jokes are shitty, but at least I’m in on it.”

8:42pm — So the plan is to do something fucking awful and then something great?  Why not just ditch the obviously crappy parts?

8:45pm — And now a Flying Nun/Gidget joke.  Hoo-boy.

8:46pm — This is pandering-squared.  But hey, now they can’t get trashed by EW!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR — Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

8:50pm — This is all part of an elaborate plan to get the bounty on Sally Field.

8:56pm — I want Paul Rudd to start doing his “Get on my dick” line repetition from Wanderlust.



8:59pm — Academy logic: When in doubt, Pixar.

9:02pm — Probably best to just group the Best Picture nominees into 3s.  Efficiency!

9:05pm — Yep.  That’s MacFarlane taking a good joke about Wallis’ age and driving it into the ground.


9:07pm — Snub #10 for Roger Deakins.


9:10pm — Last year, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was snubbed.  Academy prefers tigers to apes.

9:12pm — Cut his mic!  He’s talking about people who lost their jobs!

9:14pm — The next time they play someone off, I hope they do it to the Requiem for a Dream score.




9:20pm — Fun fact: They used Homer Simpson’s makeup gun for the hookers in Les Miserables.

9:22pm — And now a tribute to James Bond, a franchise with 23 films and only six of them are good.

9:24pm — I was kind of hoping for an interpretive dance tribute to James Bond.

9:32pm — The shorts?  On DVD?  We live in the future!



9:35pm — Didn’t see any of the documentary shorts, AND NEITHER DID YOU.

9:41pm — The fact that the audience cringed at a Lincoln’s death joke tells you everything you need to know about the Academy.

BEST DOCUMENTARY – Searching for Sugar Man

9:44pm — I’m conflicted about this win.  I really like Sugar Man, but Invisible War and 5 Broken Camera are important social documentaries.

9:49pm — And now, Amour and the other four foreign movies.


9:52pm — Amour!  It’s so good, it hurts…hurts…

9:53pm — Hey, remember when Travolta dressed up like a fat lady and people thought it would give him a shot at an Oscar nomination?

9:54pm — I love Chicago.  Bring it, haters.

9:58pm — Eddie Murphy is going to walk out of the middle of the Dreamgirls number.

9:59pm — Hudson singing the number live is even better than when she does it in the movie.

10:00pm — And now you have to follow that, Les Miserables.  Godspeed.

10:01pm — Hey!  It’s that bad song that was written specifically so it could be nominated for an Oscar!

10:04pm — A fitting conclusion to the story of how Hollywood couldn’t quite get Les Miserables right.

10:10pm — Way to fish for that complement!  No one totally saw your gigantic blockbuster which is nominated for Best Song!

BEST SOUND MIXING — Les Miserables

10:12pm — “This is a real honor, especially when you consider half of the Academy doesn’t understand our profession.”

BEST SOUND EDITING — Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall

10:15pm — It’s a tie!  All Oscar pools are nullified!

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS — Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables

10:23pm — And at the Academy museum, you’ll be able to go on Schindler’s List: The Ride!


10:33pm — I think Adam has only missed one category so far…

10:36pm — If you want to hear the other four Best Song nominees, use the Internet.

10:46pm — I was hoping the Silver Linings Playbook clip package would be just a supercut of Jacki Weaver saying “crabby snacks”.

10:47pm — They should have gone from the Amour clip package to the In Memoriam montage.


10:49pm — Very surprised that Anna Karenina didn’t win production design considering that it throws the sets in your face.

10:57pm — And now, it’s time to play, “Oh, right! He/she died!”

11:09pm — Who can forget the score to The Hoax?

BEST SCORE — Life of Pi

11:11pm — The more wins Life of Pi gets, the more I think Ang Lee is going to win Best Director.

11:14pm — As you can see, Life of Pi makes a great screensaver.

BEST SONG — Skyfall

11:16pm — EGOT, Adele!  You can do it!

11:23pm — How many horses had to die to get Dustin Hoffman to the stage?



11:27pm — The Weinstein Company put all of their effort into Silver Linings Playbook, and Django is coming away with the awards.


11:35pm — Best Director AND Most Liked Director!  Also, ANG LEE WAS THE TIGER THE WHOLE TIME.

BEST ACTRESS — Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

11:43pm — I blame other people for convincing me that Emmanuelle Riva was going to win.  I WAS SABOTAGED!

11:45pm — I wish Jennifer Lawrence was less classy so should could turn to Chastain and say, “I’m the motherfucker who found this Oscar.”

BEST ACTOR — Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln

11:48pm — I want someone to jump on stage and shout “Sic Semper Tyrannis!”

11:52pm — Michelle Obama is helping to present the nominees?  Librul conspiracy!


11:55pm — I wanted Zero Dark Thirty to win so Barack Obama could pop on screen and go, “And I helped!”

11:58pm — Very moving acceptance speech from Ben Affleck.  He’s trembling.  I don’t think Argo deserved to win Best Picture, but I’ve always been a fan of the guy, and I’m happy for him.

12:00am — Good night!


Around The Web

Latest News

POINT BREAK Gets Reimagined in New Featurette Celebrating The Extreme Stunts

Go behind the scenes of the impressive stuntwork with a new featurette for Warner Bros. 'Point Break' remake.

KUNG FURY: Insane 80s Throwback Action Comedy Released Online

David Sandberg's over-the-top homage features Arcade-robots, ninjas, vikings, Hitler, and The Hoff.

Will Forte Joins Key and Peele Movie KEANU; Plot Details Revealed

Key and Peele play friends who decide to pose as gangsters in order to retrieve their stolen cat.

ALOHA Review

Say ‘goodbye’ to Cameron Crowe’s latest film and possibly his career.


It’s not “The Rock vs. The Earthquake”; It’s “Dwayne Johnson and an Earthquake”, and that’s good enough despite a selfish “hero”.

Make-Up Legend Rick Baker Is Retiring; Cites Studios Wanting “Cheap and Fast” Over Quality

We've not only lost an icon, but an entire artform is in danger of becoming extinct.

Director Kyle Newman Talks BARELY LETHAL, His PG-13 Battle, Assembling the Cast, and More

Plus his thoughts on High School movies, his first cut, and doing the film independently.

Poster Roundup: ANT-MAN, LONDON HAS FALLEN and TED 2

Big bullets, big explosions and ... Ted.

FAST & FURIOUS 8: Vin Diesel Shares Promo Poster Teasing New Location

Things might be getting significantly more violent in the eighth installment of the immensely popular franchise.

Watch: THE COMEDIANS Star Josh Gad Plays “Save or Kill”

Plus he talks about his first TV crush, his hidden talents, the worst job he’s ever had, and more.

Page 1 of 3,96912345...102030...Last »