A new Funny or Die video has veteran actor Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: The Next Generation) getting Dickensian (or becoming a Disney version of a Cockney blaggard, you decide) as part of the Olympic scalping game. Assisted by a young David Copperfield-looking Maisie Williams (Arya from Game of Thrones) as Scraggly Sue, the two swindle Yanks and explain their dastardly deeds via hilarious terminology.
Also featured in the video is swimming star Ryan Lochte (Jeah!), complete with his trademark grill, as well as an appearance by the loveably nerdy Simon Pegg (Hot Fuzz) who calls Stewart (“a Knight, no less!”) out on his ruse. To check out the video, hit the jump.
Thanks to Stewart (or should I say Ticket-Tooth Philip?), I’ll know exactly when I’m being Touted versus getting a Tickety Boo. And it’s a good lesson on how to never fall prey to a Yankee Panky or a Kyra Sedgwick. Or get, you know, just straight-up murdered (no clever phrase for that one, it just is what it is).