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by Matt Goldberg Posted:May 27th, 2010 at 10:49 pm
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You’re dashing up walls, swinging between rooftops, and performing all kinds of death-defying acrobatics. The experience is something new altogether and you wonder why nothing like it has come before. It’s also got this cool dagger that turns back time. Plus, you’ve got the bonus of a charming protagonist you can root for. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is just good goddamn fun.
Oh, just to be clear: I’m talking about the video game. The movie is awful and doesn’t have one redeeming aspect. It’s Pirates of the Caribbean if Pirates of the Caribbean was dull, moronic, lazy, and starred characters you hated. Oh, and also had a nice smattering of racism thrown in for flavor. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time honors not Pirates of the Caribbean or the game that inspired it, but the tradition of video game movies being terrible.
Dastan is a street kid who impressed the King of Persia one day through his mixture of heroics and crazy parkour skills for a ten year old. The King adopts Dastan and fifteen years later he’s now a prince of Persia and is played by Jake Gyllenhaal. The conceit of having the King adopt the clearly non-Persian Gyllenhaal would be a nice way of dodging the racism problem except no one in the Persian royal family is played by an Iranian actor. I can understand (if not agree with) the decision to cast a name like Ben Kingsley as the antagonist, but the King and his two sons aren’t name actors, but they’re white anyway (don’t let Toby Kebbell’s brown-face fool you). In Prince of Persia, Persian means British.
So Dastan doesn’t have royal blood but it’s okay because he’s got crazy parkour skills and uses his can-do attitude, wits, and winning smile to take over an entire city while his dumb brothers are trying a direct assault. During the battle, Dastan acquires a sacred dagger that Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton) is sworn to protect (she’s not good at her job). Then Dastan’s uncle Nizam (Kinsley) has the prince inadvertently murder the King, and Dastan goes on the run with Tamina in tow for some reason. He learns the dagger runs on special sand that can turn back time for a full minute, but then has to run the dagger back to Tamina’s city before Nizam can unleash its true power and accidentally destroy the world. So to be fair, Prince of Persia has a plot. It’s one that goes from plodding to mean to outright stupid as the film progresses, but you can follow it from point A to point B.
The only other minor victory (and the fact that I’m counting a cohesive story for this film as a “victory” is beyond sad) is the parkour scenes. They’re fun to watch, but why watch them when you can play them at home? There’s an interactive thrill the games provide that the movie can’t match. Play the game or one like it and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll still be impressed by what you see in the movie, but I think gamers will be anxious to get home and switch on Assassin’s Creed II.
Granted, the video game—like most action-adventure titles—doesn’t do much in the way of characters. It’s charming the way the Prince (who goes nameless in the game) frames the narrative as if he were telling it as a story so that when you “die” he can go “No, that’s not how it happened.” Gyllenhaal lacks even a fraction of that charm. A grin, an occasional witticism, and a British accent do not a charming leading man make. Prince of Persia wants Dastan to be like Jack Sparrow, but it fails to understand why Sparrow is charming. In Pirates of the Caribbean, everyone underestimates Sparrow, he has genuine flaws, his behavior hides a sharp intellect, and Depp created a character that no one had ever seen before. Gyllenhaal’s Dastan, by comparison, is Generic Adventure Hero #56893.
Far worse is his relationship with Princess Tamina. There is no chemistry between Gyllenhaal and Arteron. Their characters are just shitty to one another throughout the first half, either betraying or humiliating the other. Then they spend the second-half making big doe-eyes at each other and that’s how you know they’ve fallen in love. They never share anything personal with each other or take a moment that would make them seem like people worth caring instead of spoiled, selfish brats.
So the first half of the movie we spend time getting to know these repulsive characters (and everyone in the flick is unlikable, not just Dastan and Tamina), and then the film goes outright stupid. But here’s the thing: the audience I saw it with loved the movie. They applauded multiple times throughout. And not ironically. They were genuinely swept up in what I found to be one of the most dull, unimaginative, bland “adventure” movies I’ve seen in quite some time. Perhaps it’s because I’m a critic and I’ve seen more movies so it’s harder to please me. But I honestly don’t know what merited such a positive response. I know there’s a disconnect at times between general audiences and film critics where the general opinions of one are wildly divergent with the opinions of the other. So maybe you’ll come back here and tell me I’m stupid because you thought the movie was awesome. Go ahead. I’ll be off having fun rather than cheering on a movie that needs cheat codes for excitement, people worth caring about, fun dialogue, and joy. Maybe instead of unlocking a magic dagger, the characters should have sought out a Game Genie.
Rating: F
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Related Links
- PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME Blu-ray Review
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LOVED your review, Matt. I too saw the film with an audience full of morons who cheered at every kiss, every triumph by the hero, etc. My eight-year-old son and I were completely bewildered. He was literally yawning through the entire film, not a good sign for an action flick. And he didn't even get the weird racist undertones, which disturbed me throughout. When I got home and learned, as you did, that none of the actors were remotely Persian, I was even more repulsed. People, please don't encourage this sort of thing by spending your money to see it!
Just the fact one enjoyed this movie doesn't make him a moron. Really that's a nice approach to people and the life!
I live in Italy and I saw it last monday. Well I didn't love it, but I liked it and enjoyed it.
BTW I've seen a lot of movies too and I have more than 500 movies at home.
Congrats on your awesome movie collection!
Too bad no one cares…
I didn't seen this movie yet, but love to see this as soon as possible. I am very big fan of this video game and it is very nice to watch this as movie. This review is very interesting.
This adaptation of “Prince of Persia” may not be a unforgettable motion picture experience, but it's still a very watchable and entertaining way to pass 116 minutes with.
Force Factor
'sigh' I guess i'm in a minority here, I don't think the film is very good but i found it to be an enjoyable diversion for two hours despite its overfamiliarity and predictable plotting. I'm don't particularly get the hate i've read in a few reviews. I don't particularly understand the racism that other people are pointing out (especially when in the Sands of Time game the prince has an english accent), is the film being abusive to the persian race in some way by choosing American and British actors? Would American audiences watch a film populated by Persian actors? Would an U.S studios fund a $150 million film with relatively unknown actors? No, they wouldn't, its a given that they wouldn't fund and people wouldn't see a film with actors they were unfamiliar with whatever the source may be. It may be regrettable but that is just how U.S studios operate. If being racist is choosing different actors over the race intended should we call Valkyrie racist? Or Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments racist?. They're actors playing characters in a fantasy film, if they were trying to act 'Persian' then perhaps that would be offensive but they aren't, so why is this such a contentious point.
Incidentally I think Toby Kebbell has more a tan rather than intentionally 'browning him up'
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks, just like you Matt. You may be right about the movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn't make someone want to punch you in the face.
I'm gonna get this piece of crap out and see just how unbearable it really is.
Go on wit yo bad self, Cruz. This reporter is a 40 year old frustrated screen writer/journalist who cant hack it in the real world. Thats what makes a critic a critic. Epic failure in their chosen careers. If you can't do, critique other people who can. That is their credo. Watch the movie yourself and form your own opinions. Don't read what critics write and be told what to believe. They are spouting utter nonsense anyhow.
I had a feeling it would end up like this. And I mean the movie. Nice review
Nice attitude! Are you an american? hahaha
Anything good?
I didn't mind the film one bit, since I go to the movies for entertainment, not to pick it apart. Also the idea of racist or 'whitewashing' is ridiculous. Having taken some history courses in the past, it's a known fact when they had ruling classes back in those times (and in some cases in some countries today), the lighter the skin, the more Anglo looking, the higher the class. When there was a Persia, the “better” class looked more European in smaller features and skin color. The darker the person, the lower they went on the system. So many tribes passed through that area, a good portion of people could look Mediterranean.
So in choices of cast, I have no problem, the English accent always amuses me in movies with obvious different origins anyway, and I agree with an earlier commenter-since it's Hollywood, would they really want to fund a movie with unknown actors, etc. If that was the case (and basing it that it was a decent film), it would be more of a reaction like how Slumdog Millionaire got. No notice, and then word of mouth made people want to see it. Prince of Persia isn't on that level of 'movie greatness' and wouldn't make much (seeing as it opened third at the box office already with its 'racist' cast).
Im kinda surprised here Matt. I usually see some merit in your reviews, but here it just seems like the movie hit you on a bad day. I know I dont have to tell you that this movie isnt supposed to be taken seriously. This film offered everthing escapist cinema requires. If anything, its flaws only made it more enjoyable. Of course, this is only one film lover's opinion and you are entitled in every way to have yours, but an F review just seems a bit absurd.
Take critics reviews with a grain of salt. The movie was slow in in the beginning and I was wondering if I was was going to like it. Then the movie got funny and really picked up. This movie is EXCELLENT bout as good as the Mummy if not better. The story line was great. The movie was a bit long. i recommend sitting all the way on the back row.
I saw this last night, I see that the random, out of place, action sequences throw the viewers off from the plot (which was far fetched & predictable) but the movie was fun! The actors were a good quality & it was a story of heart.
Its fun, just nothing new. Check out my review for this here: http://dtmmr.wordpress.com/2010/06/06/prince-of…
i love the movie man
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Its really a very moronic movie with really bad actors especially the hero and the princess. They don't have any charisma, makes you swear you don't want to see a movie in the future with any of them starring in it. Too much dumb scenes like archers shooting at the castle wall from near down below so jake can climb. But the arrows perfectly hits it perpendicularly. Wow how convinient for the hero, instead of arrows hitting upwards. Thats just one of the too numerous unbelievable and stupid scenes in the waste of my time movie. Should have done my laundry instead.
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks. You may be right about the movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn’t make someone want to punch you in the face.
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks. You may be right about the movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn’t make someone want to punch you in the face.
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks. You may be right about the movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn’t make someone want to punch you in the face.
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks. You may be right about the movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn’t make someone want to punch you in the face.
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks. You may be right about the Bike Games movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn’t make someone want to punch you in the face.
Film critics are generally right, but come off as overwhelmingly annoying, self-righteous pricks. You may be right about the Bike Games movie, but damn if the way yo say things doesn’t make someone want to punch you in the face.
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