SCORPION Recap: “A Cyclone”

     October 6, 2014

scorpion-recap

Last week’s episode of Scorpion rebounded from the frenetic and frankly idiotic pilot to develop some of its characters as they puzzled out a cure to a somewhat realistic threat.  Unfortunately, that unsteady foundation has already been tossed up into the air by this week’s episode, “A Cyclone.”  Sure, the dangers of terrorist bombings and shady government organizations overstepping their bounds are all too real, but this team of super-geniuses continue to find the absolute dumbest ways of dealing with their problems.

Hit the jump for my Scorpion recap.

scorpion-a-cycloneThere’s an internet legend that says a scorpion will sting itself to death when surrounded by fire or doused in alcohol (please don’t try this at home).  There’s plenty of fire (and explosions) in this episode, and clearly a lot of alcohol in the writers’ room, yet this Scorpion continues to struggle on.  For how much longer, I don’t know, but this will certainly be my last recap of it.  So let’s have a little fun with it, shall we?

After a rousing game of competitive Rubik’s Cube solving, the team joins up with the military to go on an intense test of their abilities.  Of course they fail thanks to Sylvester’s neuroses, but they blame it on the jock Marines distracting them because: Nerds.  Luckily, the team has a secret weapon to help them get back in the game.  What is it?  Why, it’s the down-to-Earth and chock-full-o-common sense, Paige!

I’ve gotten to the point where I actively feel bad for the actors on this show.  When they signed up for it, I’m sure they liked the premise and hoped it would find purchase on the fan-friendly CBS network.  It still may do just that, but having to suffer through some of this dialogue and plot week in and week out will slowly poison their souls.  Moving on.

scorpion-a-cyclone-robert-patrick

Oh, turns out that while the Scorpions were off traipsing through the desert and screwing stuff up, a big ol’ bomb went off in LA that … wiped out the internet in the Southwestern U.S.  While that certainly puts a damper on 24-hour porn access, apparently it also affected things like power grids, water pipelines, and transportation.  So, just another day in LA, right?

At this point, the team has supposedly been grounded by the shadowy (and newly introduced) government agency, FSG (Federal Surveillance Group), led by the equally shadowy (and newly introduced) Agent Thomas Keeler. But no mere government agent can tell the Scorpion team what to do – even if they’re technically government-financed – so they bust onto the scene of the bombing and cause all sorts of havoc. (Really though? A big evil entity already? They could have at least given the team a few weeks to tackle smaller cases.)

Eventually, Happy takes control of the show by MacGuyvering a listening device to snoop on their only bombing suspect.  This was a pretty cool moment regardless of how goofy it was, so hopefully she’ll do more of that in future episodes. (If she does, let me know, because I won’t be checking it out.)  Too bad that the awkward team standing outside the perp’s apartment happens to spook him.  When he runs away only to get flattened by a CitiBus, I’m reminded that yeah this is just another day in LA.

scorpion-a-cyclone-elyes-gabelIt is revealed that a recently deceased fella was attempting to expose the FSG for their dastardly deeds, so the said-same agency becomes the prime suspect in the bombings.  While the team manages to get their hands on the incriminating file evidence (temporarily), they have bigger things to deal with like oh yeah the bombs!  If you’ve seen any movie or TV show in the past 50 years where the infallible heroes attempt to disarm a bomb, then you more or less know how this scene plays out.  Now it’s just a matter of time before the MythBusters put enough C4 to level a building into a bucket of quick-hardening putty to see if it’ll contain the blast and allow the handsome lead actor to walk triumphantly out of a smoke-filled garage.  Spoiler: it won’t!

Scorpion had so much potential, but continues to rely on cliches like “needles in haystacks” and “dramatic and unrealistic bomb disarmament”.  What a waste.  It’s not even worth an extinction pun at this point. #GlobalWarming

Rating: D

Miscellanea:

  • I sure did like the nod to the “Scorpions” song.
  • I like Toby’s straightforwardness and willingness to put Political Correctness aside.
  • The guys ask Walter exactly what viewers may be wondering: What is Paige’s benefit to the team?
  • Toby: “Mensa? There are porn stars in Mensa!” Ouch to those in Mensa …
  • Walter to Ralph: “Do you know what a family of scorpions is called? A cyclone. And scorpions are very loyal to their cyclone.” That’s it. I’m out.

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