Ryûhei Kitamura‘s No One Lives is trying so hard to be cool, it hurts. It is a complete and utter wreck of a screenplay that sounds like it was written by an idiotic 16-year-old boy. The acting is abysmal, and only made worse by the fact that there are real actors put side-by-side with amateur ones. Kitamura’s earlier film, Versus, wasn’t a great, but it at least showed some kinetic energy. However, that kind of slick movement, or any personality beyond a generic slasher, is completely absent from his new movie. All it has to offer is gruesome kills, and not even particularly inventive ones at that. But hey, the protagonist is a violent psychopath in a black trench coat, so I guess that means this movie has a personality. It’s just a personality no one wants to be around.