Fifth time’s the charm?  Well, maybe not.  The new trailer and poster for Scary Movie 5 have just been released, and it definitely begs the question as to why this franchise is even continuing.  It does try to remain current with this new trailer, now lampooning Mama and Evil Dead in addition to the first trailer’s parodies of Black Swan, Inception, and Paranormal Activity.  The new poster is in a similar vein to previous ones, but is definitely relying heavily on the recent success of Mama and the good word-of-mouth for Evil Dead to draw in an audience.  I honestly don’t think there was ever a point in continuing this series, especially without Anna Faris or Regina Hall, who made it through the first four movies and were always at least moderately funny.  The new cast includes Simon Rex (returning but as a new character), Ashley Tisdale, Heather Locklear, Katt Williams, Sarah Hyland, and cameos from Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.

Hit the jump for the new trailer and poster.  Scary Movie 5 opens on April 12.

Those looking forward to the train wreck that is The Canyons will get their chance to see the film this summer.  IFC Films has announced that it has acquired director Paul Schreader’s erotic drama for release sometime this summer.  The controversial film was written by Bret Easton Ellis and picked up considerable notice for its troubled production, mostly due to star Lindsay Lohan.  The actress appears opposite porn star James Deen in the pic, which centers on the relationship between a scheming and wealthy movie producer (Deen) and his girlfriend (Lohan), who’s having an affair with an actor from her past.  IFC will release the film day-and-date sometime this summer on digital platforms and in theaters.  Hit the jump to read the press release.

If you’ve ever been frustrated with Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls) to the point that you just wished someone would scare some sense into her, James Deen is about to become your hero (if he wasn’t already).  We’d previously seen a series of parody trailers for director Paul Schrader’s erotic LA drama The Canyons, but now the first clip is available. In it, Lohan wanders about the apartment for a few minutes while Deen is sleeping peacefully.  Two guesses on who acts their part the best.  Hit the jump to watch the clip.

Unfortunately, the first trailer for Dimension Films’ horror comedy spoof Scary Movie 5 has been released.  Everything about this is terrible, as the trailer highlights the film’s awful, unfunny acting, annoying overuse of clichés, and abundance of physical “comedy.”  The trailer also uses Danny Elfman’s swell score from Beetlejuice, which is offensive to Elfman, Beetlejuice, and good movies in general.  The only familiar face here from the previous films is Simon Rex, and the series actually feels pretty outdated.  Scary Movie 5 spoofs films like Black Swan and Inception, which just seems old at this point.  The pic also takes on the Paranormal Activity franchise, but Scary Movie creator Marlon Wayans has his own PA spoof called A Haunted House set for release in January.  Having now seen trailers for both films, I feel confident in saying that A Haunted House will look like Citizen Kane compared to Scary Movie 5.

Hit the jump to watch the trailer.  The film also stars Lindsay Lohan, Ashley Tisdale, Heather Locklear, and Katt Williams.  Scary Movie 5 opens on April 12th.

We’ve got some new posters to share from the American Film Market (AFM).  Briefly:

• Tarzan – A really poorly-made motion capture animated retelling of the classic story.
• InAPPropriate Comedy – A seriously terrible-looking “comedy” that tells the story of a computer tablet “full of the world’s most hilariously offensive apps” that sitrs up cultural anarchy.  The pitiful cast includes Adrien Brody, Rob Schneider, Michelle Rodriguez, and Lindsay Lohan.
• Ip Man: The Final Fight – The next film in the martial arts franchise.
• Switch – An action drama set within the world of art thieving.

Hit the jump to check out the posters and a full synopsis for Switch and InAPPropriate Comedy.

The first trailer has gone online for director Paul Schrader’s sexualized indie thriller, The Canyons.  Starring Lindsay Lohan, porn star James Deen and Gus Van Sant (really), The Canyons spins a tale on the dangers of sexual obsession and ambition among a group of twenty-somethings and a chance event that unravels all of their lives.  The trailer, presented in a grindhouse aesthetic with appropriate music and filters applied, introduces us to the characters and a sense of danger in the film, but gives little in the way of plot.  The Canyons, written by Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho) also stars Nolan Funk and Amanda Brooks.  Hit the jump to check out the trailer.

Scary Movie 5 is a thing that’s happening, and in an effort to make the film as widely unappealing as possible, its “big celebrity cameo” is a sex scene between Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.  Dimension Films describes their opening scene as “outrageous, sexy and hilarious,” to which I say “No thanks.”  Malcom D. Lee (Undercover Brother) takes over directing duties for this fifth installment of the franchise with Ashley Tisdale onboard as the film’s lead.

Hit the jump to check out the image of Sheen and Lohan trying to be relevant.  Scary Movie 5 opens on April 19th, 2013.

Though Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls) was a much-maligned choice to portray Elizabeth Taylor in her upcoming Lifetime biography, new photos from the production seem to suggest the troubled young actress may actually be a decent stand-in for Taylor.

Liz & Dick chronicles the love affair between Elizabeth Taylor (Lohan) and Richard Burton (Grant Bowler) from their brief initial encounter at a 1954 pool party to their collaboration (of all sorts) on the set of 1963′s Cleopatra, through their tempestuous relationship all the way until Burton’s death in 1984.  Hit the jump for the photos and more on the production.

We’ve got a couple of casting stories to share this afternoon.  First up, Lindsay Lohan has joined director Paul Schrader’s indie sexual thriller The Canyons.  The script was written by American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis and the early logline states that the film centers on a group of students who are trapped in shark-infested waters by a lunatic.  Ellis broke the news of Lohan’s involvement via Twitter, and THR confirms that she’s in talks to star opposite porn star James Deen.

The report has a slightly different synopsis than the shark-centered one, as THR says it follows sex and crime among a group of young twentysomethings in Los Angeles.  Deen will be playing “a manipulative trust-fund kid with dreams of making a movie” and Lohan plays his materialist girlfriend.  Hit the jump for news concerning Steven Soderbergh’s Liberace biopic Behind the Candleabra.

In case you hadn’t heard, Lindsay Lohan is getting all serious on us and is starring in a super distinguished biopic of Elizabeth Taylor called Liz & Dick…..for Lifetime.  Yes, the life story of legendary actress Elizabeth Taylor will be immortalized as a Lifetime Movie starring Lindsay Lohan.  The first images of Lohan as Taylor and Grant Bowler as Taylor’s lover/husband Richard Burton.  Lohan really doesn’t look anything like Taylor, but I guess we should all just be happy that she actually showed up on set like a professional.

Hit the jump to check out the images.  Liz & Dick is currently in production.

With Smash making me feel less insecure about watching a musical TV series, since it’s much more mature and adult-oriented, I’ve basically only given Glee a small amount of attention and not much thought. However, some new guest stars should make for an interesting turn this season. TV Line has two different reports that reveal both Whoopi Goldberg and Lindsay Lohan will show up on the series before the third season ends. If you don’t want to know any details about their characters, do not continue reading after the jump.

That’s right, folks. Despite the fact that Lindsay Lohan has nothing to promote and the troubled actress really doesn’t have much of a career beyond some risque photo-shoots showing up on the internet every couple weeks, the Freaky Friday and Mean Girls star is set to host Saturday Night Live on March 3rd with musical guest Jack White, making his debut as a solo artist outside of his work with The White Stripes and The Raconteurs.

NBC announced the news during a commercial break on this past weekend’s SNL with host Maya Rudolph, and while we’re not sure how the new episode with Lohan is going to turn out (or if people even care anymore), last weekend’s episode was an absolute laugh riot. Not only did it mark the return of SNL veteran Rudolph as host, but Justin Timberlake, Amy Poehler (on both Weekend Update and a Bronx Beat sketch), Bill O’Reilly and Kate Upton all made surprise appearances, and you can check out those and a few of our favorites sketches from the show after the jump.

As of now, the confusion regarding Lindsay Lohan’s status in director Barry Levinson’s Gotti: Three Generations is rivaled only by the confusion regarding her life in general. Back when Nick Cassavetes was still directing, Lohan was in talks to play Gotti’s daughter, Victoria. Then, after Cassavetes’ departure, she dropped out of the film for a hot minutes only to rejoin the project as Gotti Jr.’s wife. Flash forward to the present, and TheWrap reports that Lohan is probably on the outs once again. In an exclusive with Levinson, the director states that “She’s possibly not (in the film) because she’s got her issues, and we also got to write the script, and then we’ll see where it is.” Not exactly a ringing endorsement of the oft-publicized actress…

Regardless of Lohan’s inclusion, Gotti: Three Generations will almost definitely star John Travolta as John Gotti Sr. and Al Pacino as crime family underboss Neil Dellacroce. Levinson also confirms that the film will most likely be in front of cameras by the end of the year.

Every time Al Pacino tries to escape the mob genre, they pull him back in.  THR reports that the loud actor will reunite with his You Don’t Know Jack director Barry Levinson for Gotti: Three Generations.  Pacino will play Gambino crime family underboss Neil Dellacroce, an associate and mentor to Gotti Sr. (John Travolta).  The cast also includes Kelly Preston as Gotti Sr.’s wife Victoria, Ella Bleu Travolta as Gotti Sr. and Victoria’s daughter Angel, Joe Pesci as Gotti Sr.’s associate Angelo Ruggiero, and Lindsay Lohan as John Gotti Jr.’s wife Kim.  Despite the cast and the director, I can’t shake the feeling that this movie is going straight to DVD, or, at best, will straight to HBO.

The remaining key roles to be cast are John Gotti Jr. and his sister Victoria.  James Toback (Bugsy) has been hired to revise Leo Rossi’s original script.

A couple weeks ago, director Nick Cassavetes dropped out of the crime drama Gotti: Three Generations.  Variety reports that Barry Levinson will now climb into the director’s chair.  The movie will center on the relationship between John Gotti Sr. (John Travolta) and his son, John Gotti Jr., who turned his back on mob life.  Joe Pesci will play Gotti’s deputy Angelo Ruggiero while Lindsay Lohan will play John Gotti Jr.’s wife, Kim Gotti.  And in a nice little bit of nepotism, Travolta’s 11-year-old daughter Ella Bleu also has a role in the film.

Gotti will mark a return to the gangster genre for Levinson.  He previously helmed 1991′s biopic Bugsy.  Hopefully, Gotti will also mark a return to Levinson making good movies, which he hasn’t done since 1999′s Liberty Heights.  His latest film, The Bay, will be released by Lionsgate, and Levinson is also attached to direct O.K.C., which is about the trial of Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh.  Filming on Gotti is expected to begin this fall for a late 2012 release date.