Last week Zero Hour gave viewers plenty to chew on — Nazi devil babies, clones, secret societies, “new” Apostles — and while it was still completely ludicrous, it seemed worth checking out just for the fun.  The pilot went, in professional lingo, “balls out.”  It essentially jumped into the fifth season of Lost, and most everyone seemed fine with it.  This week, “Face” revealed all of Zero Hour’s many, many problems without fun things like devil babies (although we did hear them crying).  Mostly, it’s just really, truly terrible writing.  I don’t know how you can ruin a premise so swollen with potential as one focusing on Nazi conspiracies, but somehow Zero Hour has managed it.  For more on my evisceration of this hour of television, hit the jump. 

There’s only thing people love more than conspiracy theories, and that is hating Nazis.  Luckily, Zero Hour has both, plus the long-buried secrets of the Christian church, ancient languages, clockmaker secrets and international terrorist organizations.  Yes parts of the episode were clunky and broad, but it’s a broadcast network pilot, what do you want?  Did you not hear?  Conspiracies!  Nazis!  Anthony Edwards!  Zero Hour comes from the mind of Paul Scheuring, who created Prison Break, and is clearly no stranger to drawing things out.  But if ABC is smart the show will not fall prey to what happened to both Lost and Prison Break, and instead deliver a tight and coherent series.  We can only hope.  I’m getting ahead of myself — hit the jump to talk about the first episode and  what we learned from it.  Put on your tinfoil hat, comrades!