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by Matt Goldberg Posted:August 12th, 2010 at 6:30 pm
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For a film that trades fantastical B-movie fun for deadly seriousness, The Expendables needs a reality check. It thinks that the actors have on-screen chemistry. They don’t. It thinks that the script has plenty of witty banter. It doesn’t. It thinks that there’s thought-provoking pathos in the story. There isn’t. At best, The Expendables is misguided and at worst, it’s an over-confident mess that fumbles completely except for a few action beats.
Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and his crew of mercenaries (played by Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews) are known as “The Expendables”. They have their own logo and everything. After showing us their acumen at killing the fuck out of Somali pirates, the crew is hired by a shadowy figure/cameo (Bruce Willis) to take down a general (David Zayas) and end his authoritarian rule over the fictional country of Vilena, but it turns out that the general is just a puppet of a rogue CIA agent (Eric Roberts) and his burly henchman (Steve Austin). This is a workable set-up for a kick-ass action movie.
“Now you have more time to feel sorry for yourself.”
But The Expendables has higher aspirations that are unreachable with the limited talent of its cast and lazy script. The closest the film comes to a moment of honest pathos is when Mickey Rourke, who plays a retired, wise-old-sage figure to the group, gives an overly-earnest speech about killing countless people but being too beaten-down to save one. This speech inspires Barney to return to Vilena after originally ditching the plan to liberate it when he discovered that the Expendables were being set-up by Mr. Shadowy Figure. Barney’s reason for returning? He wants to save the General’s daughter who is actually a freedom-fighter. It’s a suicide mission and his team gladly joins Ross in his quest for salvation by helping him save a woman he briefly met a week ago.
Oddly, the plot remains the same: take down the bad guys. But this time they’re not in it for the money. They’re in it because Ross feels sad. This new premise would be laughable if the movie wasn’t such a chore. I don’t mind the attempt to add depth to a shoot-em-up, but The Expendables completely fails at reconciling the over-the-top action with its aspirations of heartfelt drama. The sobriety kills any joy in the film as these characters don’t seem to enjoy themselves beyond making remarks on which hapless enemy they’re about to kill and how. The Expendables are haunted, existentially lost, and they can only raise their self-esteem by killing lots and lots of South American soldiers.
When The Expendables isn’t busy boring you with sadness, it’s absolutely cringe-worthy at its attempts to be fun. The film constantly throws around banter and one-liners that reach a new apex in falling flat. It’s baffling to watch Stallone and Statham pretend like their characters have any chemistry. The movie wants you to see old pals who have been to hell and back and have the jokes to prove it. Instead, all you see are two actors reciting awful dialogue to each other.
“What’s wrong with this picture?”
“Everything.”
It also doesn’t help if you can define every character in five words or less. Stallone: Sad Guy; Statham: Sad Guy with Knives; Jet Li: Wants More Money Guy; Randy Couture: Recommends Therapy Guy (I would also accept “No Acting Ability Guy”); Terry Crews: Giant Gun Guy. This is your team of bad-asses.
The characters may not have much in the way of personality, but they admittedly do know how to tear it up. There are some really fun kills in The Expendables, but when you’re wiping out what appears to be half the population of a small country, the kills start becoming redundant. The most common cause of death in Vilena is either getting shot with 23 bullets in two seconds, getting sliced up, or getting your neck snapped. The kills aren’t clever but they’re bloody and you’ll be satisfied with some of the fight moves and life-enders, but then that moment will pass and you’ll go back to sleep.
The Expendables wants to be Rambo and Pals, and that intent is an insult to Rambo. There’s nothing in The Expendables that comes close to the crazy, bloody mess of fun that Stallone created a couple years ago with Rambo. It’s laudable to make a confident movie, but Stallone has nothing to be proud of other than a few action beats and getting Rourke involved. The film is a sorrowful mess of maudlin pathos, lethargic writing, and non-existent characters. And the vaunted cameo scene with Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Willis took me out of the film faster than Planet Hollywood went out of business. The only remarkable thing about The Expendables is how it fell so short of its less-than-lofty aspiration to be a dumb-fun action movie and instead ended up as a cure for insomnia.
Rating: D
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I disagree. I liked it alot.
it seems like people either loved or hated this flick.
I can't wait to see it.
It's ok to be wrong Matt. I remember LONG before this movie came out, you were already trashing it. Coincidence that you are still trashing it now? …..thought not.
Just b.c Michael Cera is not in it making pop culture references while mumbling, doesnt mean it deserves such insulting and bias criticism.
Let the comments pour in and we'll let users of Collider, who should know a thing or two about movies, decide.
“Don't see this terrible movie, go see Scott Pilgrim. You know, that movie we've been pimping for the past couple weeks now?”
Oh come now, I'm just kidding… although I still don't quite get your review. What exactly were you expecting? I think (or thought, because other reviewers are making the same complaints you did) most people would know it's going to be a cheesy action flick, but I keep hearing things like “this is no Bourne trilogy”. It's almost like someone complaining about the film grain in Planet Terror. From your review it actually sounds like it was exactly what I was expecting and looking forward to.
Who is this clown 'Matt Goldberg'. I can only assume that you are a 14 year old writing reviews out of your basement, and did not experience the classic action films of the 80's. That is the only explanation! I bet this guy liked the twilight saga!
This film has all the ingredients for a perfect action flick. Shall we go back to the classic action movies and see if they're any different? Predator? Die Hard? They all contain the same elements which make a great shoot em up, blow it up action movie. Perhaps if you took off your 'I need to be critical about movies' hat, and sit down and enjoy the 80's nostalgia – maybe then, you will see it for what it is….
he didn't say you didn't like it — so what do you disagree with..?
LOL, people seem to have decided this movie is to be treasured before it was even released.
In all the trailers the film looks exactly as Matt has described it. You can tell from each 2 second clip of the characters interacting that the jokes are shit and there is no chemistry between everyone. I'd hoped this was wrong but Stallone has fallen well short of the mark here. The chemistry between them in the actual film is just an extra hour plus of more of the same crap.. it's not cheesy, funny dialogue, it's poorly executed, shallow, stale banter that could have been put together by a 6 yr old writing an english exam story…
A good action film is more than just kills and shooting. Even a good 'bad' action film has some qualities. Expendables just lacks everything in a good one except for violence.
Ha, nice name their Jack Burton!
I'll be watching Expendables before Scott Pilgrim, grew up watching all these guys, so nostalgia will rule for me.
America, FUCK YEAA!!
end of line
I thought the movie was fun and funny. They didn't take themselves too seriously, everything was sort of tongue in cheek, and they blew up stuff in an original way. What more do you want…..a kid fighting 7 ex's as if he's in a video game?
Matt I love this site and I think your awesome but I disagree with you on this one. is it citizen Kane? no of course not but it delivered what I thought it would which was crazy action! and by crazy I mean balls to the wall nutty action and that was alot of fun. your younger than me and I dont know how much people like Stallone played in your youthful film life but for me he was huge.yes it has a couple jokes that fall flat and and some of the pathos is forced. that being said the audience I saw it with loved it and so did I. lighten up, your awesome 99 percent of the time:)
Thanks for the review!! now I can make a sound decision of whether to watch it or not.
Matt, LONG time follow of Collider, In fact, I want a job, so seriously, hit me back. Writing for your team aside, I have to disagree with you entirely on this one. This movie was just supposed to be a throwback to action days of old. If you were really expecting an ingrosing plot with character development, and wanted to leave the theater “changed” for having seen it, then go see inception again, as that was exactly that kind of movie. However, this movie was just supposed to be for fun! I for one had fun, and this movie is EXACTLY what it claimed it would be, a romping good time with all the action stars you grew up on. It was a great nostalgic ride to go on, and I for one am going into the theater expecting to see plenty of action, a means to justify the violence, and a body count that is sky high. Look, even if this movie is a complete train wreck, it will still just for the sake of novelty, be a trip to see all these heavy hitters on the screen at one time. The movie could be a steaming turd, but for novelties sake, lets all see the movie. If Eat Pray Love beats this movie, the guy movie is dead. Obviously Matt wants no more “guy flicks” as his reviews are only positive for Scott Pilgrim. Dont get me wrong, that flick looks cool too, but lets try seeing Matt Cerra play a different role in a movie other than “Matt Cera” in this, or “Matt Cerra” in that. This is Stallones final epic battle royal considering he says he may be retiring from the front of the screen. I want him to go into sort of a Clint Eastwood type of career now. Clint was the action star of his day, and turned into a wonderful director after he “retired”. I think with all the experiance he has had making movies over the years, he has some good ideas, and it would neat to see Stallones influences on some fresh faces in hollywood. Im still looking foward to his Poe biopic. That is going to be amazing. Hopefully he gets Robert Downey as Poe as wanted.
I totally agree with you, even the trailer looked amateur and showed lack of chemistry, but if people are willing to ignor all that, there's no savin em!
Lol thanks… yeah, don't get me wrong, I am still glad I saw it, I'm still glad this movie exists, I just dislike that this excerisize in macho carnage and homicide didn't fulfill the potential that exists for a film starring all these bad asses.
Saw Pilgrim tonight – brilliant!
Can't wait to see it this weekend multiple times!
What the hell is the guy who wrote that review on? He probably likes Bambi !!
I thought it was knock your socks off movie. I realy enjoyed it and laughed when the auto-shotgun was in use, a lot.
It's a good action film, enjoy it.
The movie was amazing.
This review, however, sounded like a Perez Hilton wannabe trying to trash the movie just so he could convince people to watch Eat, Pray, Love instead.
Hell, this movie will probably be better than Scott Pilgrim; haven't watched it, but I am not that interested in watching it either. Might just take a morning viewing of the film though; it'll be at least three dollors cheaper than watching it at night.
yeah, that's what Matt wanted to do.
the truth is THE EXPENDABLES is a huge disappointment and SCOTT PILGRIM is a masterpiece. I'm happy for everyone that liked Expendables, but it's just not as good as it should be. I agree with Matt. It's a D.
In reply to you “Frosty”…your one of the odd men out with Matt Goldberg in this one. Get over it, this movie everyone is having INSANE expectations, so just take a minute, realize its just a movie made just for funzies, and enjoy it! Stop worrying about trying to tally the body count because its laughably high…ITS SUPPOSED TO BE LAUGHABLY HIGH! SO ARE YOU WHILE YOU WATCH IT! Point is, seriously, this movie is for fun.
In regard to the scott pilgrim debate. Im sure it will be a great flick, but it really does look like the same recycled nonsense we are used to seeing from Cerra. The dude is like Jeff Goldbloom, he plays himself in every film he has ever been in, in Cerra's case, its the bumbling idiot who mumbles, has no confidence, but some how gets the girl in the end. Insert this formula into any of his movies, and I bet you money it would be the rough plot summary.
Now, dont get me wrong, Cerra is a good actor, and I like his schtick so to speak, its fun, but pretending to think that Cerra has done something original with this flick is perposterous. It is the exact same movie he keeps making, with special effects. The sooner you realize that, the better. So, stop worshiping your poster of Cerra from superbad on your bedroom wall, get a RAMBO poster, and go punch someone in the face, because thats what THE EXPENDABLES is about. Either that, or go complain on some other website.
Awesome. Looking forward to this one. And, I can't help thinking what a great “Roadblock” Terry Crews would make in the next G.I. Joe Movie. Any one heard any word on casting?
After reading this review I realize I definitly wan't to see this movie. Everything this guy complained about is the whole reason to see a movie like this. If I wanted to see an action movie with feeling and depth I would go and sit through that two and a half hour crapfest “Avatar” again (which I will never do, especially now that they are making it even longer).
I wouldn't give it a D. BUt I liked it, didn't love it like I wanted to love it. Good action but the best lines were wasted in the trailer.
I liked it! find out why on my blog
http://ismellsheep.blogspot.com
let me know what u thought
he disagrees with the review. Don't be an idiot.
Very mature.
It certainly doesn't live up to expectations, but D is overly harsh, just as 'masterpiece' for Scott Pilgrim is hyperbolic. I think bloggers are concerned that Wright's movie won't be very successful at the box office, and as they all love him (justifiably) and want him to have a hit, they think the best way to do that is to shoot down the competition. There's so much nonsense floating about, accusing anyone who likes a good old-fashioned action movie with one liners and macho posturing of being immature or closeted, saying anyone who chooses to see this film over Pilgrim on opening weekend should be ashamed of themselves, basically… It's sad. I enjoyed both, but if any type of film needs supporting, it's the much-maligned old-school action flick. Offbeat comedies will never die out. But anyway, my more objective review scores? On a five-star scale I'd give Expendables 3 out of 5 and Pilgrim 4 out of 5.
the movie premiered as a no1 hit in the BO list.eat your eyes out Scott Pilgrim.
http://www.deadline.com/2010/08/first-box-offic…
man this review is rubbish, i thought the movie was great. it didnt take itself to seriously, and it did exactly what it said on the tin -blow shit up!. if you look at the old action films, there scripts were mostly shocking and the plots even worse yet we still loved them. if you sat back and just relaxed watching this film i think you would have enjoyed it yet as a critic you just looked for the flaws. cant wait for the supposed sequel
you are a prick
I just watched it 2day. The movie was awesome action content. I cant remember the last time I watched a better action film. BUT for other than the action movie type of ppl,they will sure dont like it. Those cameo appearances from Arnold n Bruce just complete the movie cast of great actors of this generation. 2Thumbs up!!
well, i'll speak from first hand experience with the film. i was totally pumped up for this film. even wanted to hit up the midnight show. but this review is right on target, it's a HUGE disappointment. the script is weak. the plot is non-existent. the characters are cardboard. the cgi blood looked horrible. jet li was wasted. the three way scene with schwarzenegger, willis and stallone is a total waste (seriously, the worst schwarzenegger has ever looked, or acted, on screen- what were those? shoulder pads?). the over earnest pathos is laughable and painful (don't get me started on that god-awful 'poem' statham recites at the end- cool tool?! vomit.). the whole painting motif is ludicrous. and, to top it off, the soldiers they slaughter by the boatload just seem to be sad sacks following the misguided actions of a fat, greedy general being used by a weird ex-cia agent who seems to be down there on the original orders from the cia (which doesn't really make me want to root for the soldiers wholesale massacre). it was a mess. and, truly, overconfident and confused.
this movie is no 'predator' or 'die hard'. those movies had strong stories and scripts. and, no cgi blood.
Movies still require analysis when they're trying to be 80's and nostalgic. There's a good way to do it and a bad way. What you're saying means that the movie was good no matter what it was because it wasn't trying to be good. Which is bullshit. It wanted to be good for what it was. Matt didn't think so. You're on a film website. Expect people to analyze films.
This review was totally legitimate. Just because you disagree it doesn't mean Matt's wrong. Films, even action ones, are subjective works of art where a certain level of quality was expected. If a PROFESSIONAL critic didn't find it to be high enough in quality then that says something. You don't have to agree but “wrong” is a incredibly stupid way to disagree.
And I've been following the news on this movie. Matt never really trashed it. I think there was a weird assumption that this movie would be good no matter what which is never something you can say about a movie you haven't seen (unless Chris Nolan directs it).
It's Michael Cera. And he doesn't play “the same role” in Scott Pilgrim. At least I didn't think so.
I didn't see the movie and I won't but I will say that judging from some the clips I've seen so far it is a throwback 80's, cliched piece of crap. Hell, did you see the clip with the Somali pirates? Meh! Pure garbage. And Stallone looks sick with all that orangutang hormones pumped into his veins. He's like 68 right? Jesus help us. The cosmetic surgery is straight out of Beverly Hills. WTF!
He looks like a bi***! A Hollywood bi***!
I think it gets a “C” not D. I do agree that Jet Li was wasted. And I wish the fight scenes weren't all “fast cuts”. With all the fighters in this film (Li, Statham, Daniels..) I think they could have looked better. But all in all, I agree with most, you don't go into to this expecting an oscar proformance. It's suppose to be chessy. It's a “guy” flick. Guns, fighting, blood and guts. I loved the scene where they turned around and flew over the dock. Pure kick ass lol. Here's hoping that these films are made at least once a year. I'd love to see Stallone's take on a classic, say “The Dirty Dozen” or “The Magnificent Seven”!!
F*ck this review. This movie was incredible. SO many awesome one lines and great comic timing and fantastic 80s commando-esque violence. bullshit review.
i loved it. people that went to see it are hardcore fans of these guys, its about the ultimate tough, action hero guys. if you didnt like it then you must not have seen any of the other movies these guys have made. this is their thing and what people expect action, awesome gruesome fight scenes. i loved it and of course some of them arent gonna look as great as back in the day shoot everyone ages some better than others but they still got it. loved it
I'd say this is one bad ass movie plus it's a golden moment where we see such old school action heroes star together in one film!
I'd give this one my four thumbs up (feet included.)
Check out this awesome Top 10 Expendables list in light of their explosion at the box office this past weekend. http://bit.ly/dB3pDC
This was a damn good movie. You people have nothing better to do than fucking with the ones that are hard working and want to make it in life. Check your fucking spelling and grammars asshole.
You have got to be the biggest idiot ever
Matt Goldberg need to realize that the expendables is at No.1 and stallone is a boss director and veteran in his art and all of the cast members were wicked! . Go suck some salt MATT!
Just love it or hate it. Simple. Who DOES watch an action film for story or character anyway? If it's got strong dialogue and chemistry and a watertight plot, that's just gravy. I watched it for THE EXPLOSIVE BEEF. Sometimes all the audience wants is a flurry of spectacular images, not whether Terry Crews loaded his guns with the explosive ammo he was so proud of. Besides, the news makes far less sense these days. And for sure there ARE pop culture references to bring you right back to the 80s/90s.
i’ve already the movie
very good movie
watch it here http://kinggab.com/action/the-expendables-2/
I just saw it, It is pretty cool
Nice Review…NOT…in reading all the comments, 95% of the people disagree with it. So who is this bozo “Matt who gets to publish his reviews on this website? What are his qualifications for doing this public review? There is a reason folks why he is not doing reviews for a major newspaper!
I somewhat agree. But I still think that film was brilliant, well much better than fing Scott Pilgrim lol And Jason Statham is in it, so of course it will be awesome!!