Collider is Welcomed Into the K-Swiss Tubes Brotherhood of Elite Badassness! Thank You Kenny Powers and EASTBOUND AND DOWN!

by     Posted 4 years, 68 days ago

Collider was asked “Would you like to do a promotional activity for K-Swiss and Eastbound and Down?” The immediate answer was “fuck yes we do!” The catch: having no idea what the promotional event would be. All Collider was told was that someone had to be at around at a designated time for a special delivery. It was an inviting but foreboding commitment.

Recently, Funny or Die unleashed a clip of Kenny Powers (played by the lovely and talented Danny McBride) talking to K-Swiss about how his promotional campaign should go, and it involved murder and naked women. This – if you’ve followed the brilliant HBO series – is par for the course with Powers. What was unknown at the time was that K-Swiss was into the idea of working with Kenny Powers, and K-Swiss has launched their new Tubes line with Danny McBride’s Powers as their spokesman. None of this answered our question: What the fuck is going to show up? The answer to that is answered after the jump.

UPDATED with message from Kenny Powers!

My initial thoughts were that there were two options: one was a cast member (possibly Danny McBride, which led to some cleaning) and the other was half-naked women. A lap dance could be on the table, hard to say. On the day of delivery I was sent an email to tell me that the package was en route. Waiting around, not knowing what to expect, my curiosity was peaked. The arrival time passed, and it was hard to work on anything else. It was like an adult version of Christmas evening. Eventually I heard something outside and saw a posse of people talking to a neighbor. I tried to put my surprise face on.

Four people showed up at my door. There was a guy with a camcorder, another guy who was on his blackberry, and two women with deep cleavage. The brunette looked like she was part of the K-Swiss team, while the blond was wearing only a cut-off T-shirt with tons of cleavage, underwear, and a pair of shoes. As I joked, I thought someone might show up half-clothed, but she appeared to be more than two-thirds undressed.

I was presented with a sealed certificate from Kenny Powers. It honored me by putting me into “The K-Swiss Tubes Brotherhood of Elite Badassness!” The certificate read “This shit certifies that Andre Dellamorte is better than almost everyone and has been blessed by yours truly as an official member of the ‘Brotherhood of Elite Badass Champions’ ruled by Kenny Fucking Powers. This is serious as hell. Don’t Blow It. HONORARY CHAMPION inducted by Kenny Powers, King Champion and overlord of all things in the world.” I was also given a pair of the K-Swiss Tubes shoes, a T-shirt that reads “K-Powers – Made in Calipornia,” and a flash drive. On the flash drive was a video from Kenny Powers. He told me “If you’re watching this, you’re part of an elite group of champions, specifically chosen by me, Kenny Fuckin’ Powers. On your feet, Tubes: a unique training shoe that has been designed specifically to grow muscles faster than a (BEEP) kid bops a boner. Now go, train, and soon enough you’ll be pulling more tail than me. Powers, out.”

After the presentation, I looked at the shoes, which were size nine. As I wear size thirteen, they had to get me new shoes from the car. I ended up talking to the ladies for a bit, and we posed for photographs as I waited for the proper size of shoe. The blond lass put her foot next to mine, and said “oh, you’re so big.” But as the pictures show, I had her by over a foot. Later, I had to explain to the neighbor why it looked like a porn shoot was showing up, and what they whole adventure was about.

We’re at a point now where advertising has mutated, and some ads spend their whole time making fun of their own product. K-Swiss seems to have handled this right. People love Kenny Powers – even if he is an insufferable, racist asshole – but by being involved with the TV show, it shows that they get it. Having worn the shoes for a couple of days now, I can attest to their comfort, and they play well in physical activity, and I salute K-Swiss for the free shoes, and for having a sense of humor. The K-Swiss website has a ton of commercials with Powers, and they’re all pretty funny. This was a win-win for us.

UPDATE: Here’s a message we were sent from Kenny Powers!

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  • Kenny Powers

    Thanks for your heartwarming little story there, it really charges me up, knowing what a fucking hero I am to you. I get it Andre, I get it. And you're right about that blonde, she looks like she puts the 'tite' in 'petite'. Look at you, you'd split that shit like a log, Little John.

  • http://twitter.com/cablebfg Bill Graham

    I am dieing! Way to go Andre! Nicely done. What a great campaign.

  • Kenny Powers

    …and you're welcome for those fucking sweet shoes I hooked you up with. Now do something for me, put on that K POWERS T-shirt and go for a fucking jog or something, you got yours for free but I want the people to buy these fucking things, but they've gotta see them before they can know they want 'em, so get out there make some fucking people jealous.

  • Dellamorte

    Kenny I wore your shirt on a TV show cause I'm that legit.

  • MonsterKilledThePilot

    Sexy. And the chick aint bad, either!

  • Buttertits Farreachy

    Jesus, Dre has some obese arms. How much do those pythons weigh, 50 lbs each? I wonder if he has the mobile version of one of those old AT&T phones for the elderly. You know, the phones with the giant buttons. No way he can work a touch screen with those fat-links.

    But glad Dre wore both shoes for the event. I bet he really impressed the ladies with his sweet dance moves.

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  • MyKeepon

    What is the name of the song that goes: laughing and dancing playing and falling and flying. in a robot voice?

  • Ashley Schaeffer

    Tooooobes! Gonna get me a pair http://kennypowerscostumes.com/

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