This Shit Just Got Even More Real – Columbia Pictures Developing BAD BOYS 3

by     Posted 5 years, 20 days ago

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While a sequel is always “in development” some place as long as the prior entries in the franchise are successful (and sometimes even if they’re not) but when you start hiring people to make that sequel a reality, it shows that you’re serious.  That you’re willing to make this sequel, this “shit”, if you will, real.

Hit the jump to find out how Columbia Pictures is doing it (and how I think they should do it) with BAD BOYS 3.

bad_boys_ii.jpgNow some may call “Bad Boys II” a disappointment.  It’s two-and-a-half hours and made only $138 million domestic when the reported budget was $130 million.  It’s also is sexist, homophobic, racist, and insulting to the intelligence of every rational human being on the planet.  It’s also one of the biggest guilty pleasures of the past decade.  I’m not saying an R-rating always makes a film better but only three Michael Bay’s films have been rated-R: “Bad Boys”, “The Rock”, and “Bad Boys II”.  All three films are fantastic.  If “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” had the liberty to do what “Bad Boys II” did, it would have been a far better film.

So when The Hollywood Reporter says that Columbia Pictures just brought on Peter Craig to write “Bad Boys 3″, you know that redemption may be in Michael Bay’s future.  Craig, who co-wrote Ben Affleck’s upcoming film, “The Town” as well as working on the live-action adaptation of the popular anime series “Cowboy Bebop”, has a tremendous opportunity and he best not fuck it up.

Yes, Smith, Lawrence, and Bay have all said they’ll come back “if a story can be hammered out.”  Now Craig needs to know that this is counter-intuitive.  Everything that applies to a conventional screenplay must be put on steroids, breast implants, and enough cocaine to kill a petting zoo.  In my desire to make “Bad Boys 3″ the best “Bad Boys” yet, I have developed a brief checklist for Mr. Craig:

bad_boys_2_poster_will_smith_martin_lawrence_michael_bay_01.jpg-         There must be at least three car chases.  All car chases require that something falls off a truck and that Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett must attempt to dodge these oncoming objects while Mike drives like a bad-ass and Marcus is the worst back-seat driver of all time.  The last film found a surprisingly creative use of corpses and coffins so Craig has to up the ante.  This time, instead of dead bodies falling off a truck, they must be live ones.  Also, Mike has to hit at least ten of them and say things like “Shit!” and “My bad!”  As per his contract, Will Smith is obligated to say “Aw, hell naw,” at least once.

-         The film must viciously mock every minority but never consciously or as a means of satire.  Every ethnic slur must be uttered at least three times and in order to up the ante, additional slurs are now required for Jews, Mexicans, Ethiopians, and the mentally handicapped in addition to the standard slurs directed towards blacks, gays, and women.  As per his contract, Michael Bay gets at least one sassy black woman to act black and sassy.

-         The film must provide a third act which is an even greater insult to all logic and reason than invading Cuba.

These are only a few of the major challenges Craig has ahead of him but it is for a greater cause.

Tell us in the comments section other things Peter Craig must do in order to make a worthy successor to “Bad Boys II”.




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  • Michael

    In one of the final chase scenes, when the bodies come off the truck into the street, they have to explode, the car that Mike and Marcus are in have to transform at 80 miles per hour and jump over the exploding bodies while holding onto Mike and Marcus while they are shooting at the bad dudes. All this is happening and when Mike gets some blood on his fancy shirt, he screams “Aw Hell Naw!!!!” Then takes aim at one of the bad dudes in the chase, things are about to go into slow motion, cut to Marcus. “I see that crazy look in your eye, don’t do it!!!” Mike takes the shot, everything goes slow and the camera follows the bullet through the exploding bodies and into a bad dude’s head, his head explodes, takes the whole truck of exploding bodies with him and then the transformer holding mike and marcus jump over the explosion that happens on a bridge and they all fall into the water. They come up for air(including the transformer) Flaming debris is falling around them. Mike, after catching his breath, “Now that’s what I’m talking about, Mike Lowrey is unstoppable WOOOOOOO!!!!!” Marcus glares at Mike, “Don’t you EVER do that again!!!!!, Theresa’s going to kill me. I can’t go through this s**t with you anymore……… Plus!!!! I think your car stuck his thumb up my butt!!!” Mike responds and looks back at the transformer, “That’s seriously sick dude, you have no idea what Marcus does with himself.” Transformer responds, “My bad” Then they break out in the Bad Boys song and screw up the lyrics again.

  • Michael

    In one of the final chase scenes, when the bodies come off the truck into the street, they have to explode, the car that Mike and Marcus are in have to transform at 80 miles per hour and jump over the exploding bodies while holding onto Mike and Marcus while they are shooting at the bad dudes. All this is happening and when Mike gets some blood on his fancy shirt, he screams “Aw Hell Naw!!!!” Then takes aim at one of the bad dudes in the chase, things are about to go into slow motion, cut to Marcus. “I see that crazy look in your eye, don’t do it!!!” Mike takes the shot, everything goes slow and the camera follows the bullet through the exploding bodies and into a bad dude’s head, his head explodes, takes the whole truck of exploding bodies with him and then the transformer holding mike and marcus jump over the explosion that happens on a bridge and they all fall into the water. They come up for air(including the transformer) Flaming debris is falling around them. Mike, after catching his breath, “Now that’s what I’m talking about, Mike Lowrey is unstoppable WOOOOOOO!!!!!” Marcus glares at Mike, “Don’t you EVER do that again!!!!!, Theresa’s going to kill me. I can’t go through this s**t with you anymore……… Plus!!!! I think your car stuck his thumb up my butt!!!” Mike responds and looks back at the transformer, “That’s seriously sick dude, you have no idea what Marcus does with himself.” Transformer responds, “My bad” Then they break out in the Bad Boys song and screw up the lyrics again.

  • Jason

    I think the movie should open with the credits and then contain 2 hours of just explosions.

    Jason
    http://www.gadgetboyz.net

  • Jason

    I think the movie should open with the credits and then contain 2 hours of just explosions.

    Jason
    http://www.gadgetboyz.net

  • elbarto

    Someone has to get out of a helicopter in slow mo or it doesn’t count.

  • elbarto

    Someone has to get out of a helicopter in slow mo or it doesn’t count.

  • elbarto

    Someone has to get out of a helicopter in slow mo or it doesn’t count.

  • Quincy Smith

    I would like to see him bring back Gabrielle Union back into Bad Boys 3 just because she’s good eye candy & she’s a very talented actress, Michael Bay always has some eye candy in all his movies. I would also like to see them maybe meet back up with Tea Leoni again, just because she did so good on the Bad Boys in 1995 & plus it’d be just like old times between Martin, Will & Tea :)

  • Quincy Smith

    I would like to see him bring back Gabrielle Union back into Bad Boys 3 just because she’s good eye candy & she’s a very talented actress, Michael Bay always has some eye candy in all his movies. I would also like to see them maybe meet back up with Tea Leoni again, just because she did so good on the Bad Boys in 1995 & plus it’d be just like old times between Martin, Will & Tea :)

  • Quincy Smith

    I would like to see him bring back Gabrielle Union back into Bad Boys 3 just because she’s good eye candy & she’s a very talented actress, Michael Bay always has some eye candy in all his movies. I would also like to see them maybe meet back up with Tea Leoni again, just because she did so good on the Bad Boys in 1995 & plus it’d be just like old times between Martin, Will & Tea :)

  • creightonwilliams

    At the end Smith gotta say his thang “now that's how you suppose to do it, for now on that's how you do it!!”

  • creightonwilliams

    Actually you should give me a part to act. Im not asking for money I just want a part to play because I can act as well in my opinion!!

  • creightonwilliams

    Actually, you should give me a part to do. I won't ask for any money, but an opportunity to act.

  • ray washington

    they should show both mike and marcus with there new partners with the two being completely unaware of the havik that mike and marcus can cause together

  • Oblount

    I think that Bad Boys III should hae a picture of Will, Martin, and Gabriel. The plot should be the revenge of the Cuba drug Lord's daughter. It should be her agaianst one of marcus' children that are in college with her but do not know its her until the fight scene starts.

  • Oblount

    I think that Bad Boys III should hae a picture of Will, Martin, and Gabriel. The plot should be the revenge of the Cuba drug Lord's daughter. It should be her agaianst one of marcus' children that are in college with her but do not know its her until the fight scene starts.

  • moe

    firstly the venue must be a classy place, like vegas, the problem with the 2nd bad boys was at the end cz it ws in cuba, and it ws abit lame, then the film must contain some nice music, thats what makes a movie leka, then smith must have a different but awesome car like a gallardo, then they must bring in a leka actress like megan fox, then instead of drugs as the main issue,maybe diamond smuggling or something, then they must bring in vin diesel or the rock as bad guys,

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