TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION Review

by     Posted 176 days ago

transformers-age-of-extinction-review

Going into Transformers: Age of Extinction, I wondered who was excited for this movie?  What in the marketing convinced them that, to quote the tagline, “The Rules Have Changed”?  If anything, these movies hew closely to the rules of the franchise: Create as much mayhem as possible, make the plot insultingly stupid, the characters should be dull as dishwater, and bonus points for squeezing in any racism, sexism, homophobia, etc.  Yes, these movies are “criticproof”.  They’re not for people who watch movies for a living; they’re for people who want to “turn off their brains”.  But the latest Transformers is the most mind-numbing yet.  It’s an exhausting experience that tries to do everything, and yet accomplishes absolutely nothing.  It doesn’t excite.  It doesn’t engage.  It just wastes time and space.

Five years after the Transformers saved the world but destroyed Chicago in the process, the aliens are now seen as a threat, and are being hunted down by Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer) and his shadowy government agency, who are being helped by the bad Transformer Lockdown (Mark Ryan).  Meanwhile, failed inventor Cade Yaeger (Mark Wahlberg) spends his days going further into debt, tinkering with machines that don’t work, and making sure his daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz) stays chaste.  When Cade stumbles upon Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), it puts them in Attinger’s crosshairs, and forces Optimus, Cade, Tessa, and Tessa’s secret boyfriend/race car driver Shane (Jack Reynor) to go on the run.  Eventually, they discover there’s a much larger conspiracy involving Attinger and the tech company/weapons developer KSI, run by Joshua Joyce (Stanley Tucci), who can now create Transformers by manipulating their matter, “Transformium”.  But while Joyce is aiming to get rich, Lockdown has a bigger plan to destroy the world because Lockdown is eeeeevil mwahahaha.

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After his fourth film in the franchise, director Michael Bay is just coasting at this point, and that isn’t a great approach since the Transformers movies never had all that much to offer in the first place.  We certainly don’t come for the characters.  No one is feeling the loss of Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), and this new batch of characters isn’t worth caring about.  Wahlberg is here because he’s buff and can convincingly wield a sword-gun.  Peltz’ job is to be helpless, useless, and make Mikaela (Megan Fox) look like Betty Friedan by comparison.  Shane exists so Cade can remind us that his daughter’s virginity is just as important as saving the world if not more so.  Only Grammer and Tucci seem to be giving it their all as their characters glower and condescend to everyone else in the movie.  But with the exception of Cade, I didn’t remember anyone’s name.  I had to look them up on IMDb.  And I only remembered Cade’s name because it’s stupid, and you will go your entire life without meeting anyone named “Cade”.

The Transformers are just as bad.  I’ve now spent four movies with Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, and still know almost nothing about them other than Optimus is deadly serious and Bumblebee is cute.  There’s a transformer who dies, and I barely remembered he was in a previous film.  They don’t have arcs, and the story almost consciously avoids them.  Optimus barely wrestles with whether or not he should still trust humans, but since Cade chose to protect Optimus, then all of humanity is worth saving, or at least the ones who are outside the cities that the Transformers absolutely destroy in the midst of fighting the bad Transformers who are either working with Lockdown or have broken free of Joyce’s control.

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That’s the real point of Transformers: finding reasons to blow shit up.  Everything else is lazy filler.  The film drags through Attinger and Joyce’s motivations and Cade making sure that his daughter never even looks at a boy until she’s eighteen (I’m honestly surprised he didn’t try to invent a chastity belt that clamps down when the user thinks about sex).  In one scene, he learns that Shane is twenty, but Shane says dating a 17-year-old is okay because of the Romeo & Juliet law, which protects couples who were dated when they were younger, and that’s why he can’t be charged with statutory rape.  Shane even carries around a laminated card in his wallet so he can remind people of this particular statute (I suppose it’s useful if a cop comes across the couple having sex, and they need to break out the law).  This is a 157-minute movie, and this scene tells us zilch about the characters.  I didn’t need to know that there’s an age difference between Tessa and Shane.  Reynor doesn’t look significantly older than Peltz.  But this is what passes for character development in a story where the main objective is relentless action.

In Transformers: Dark of the Moon, you could feel Bay’s excitement in getting to use IMAX and 3D.  He had new toys, and he played with them well.  The plot and characters were as worthless as the rest of the movies, but at least the set pieces popped.  In Age of Extinction, he has nothing left.  I saw the movie in 3D, and although it was in fake-IMAX, I could at least observe the shifting aspect ratio.  I have no idea why Bay came back for a fourth installment when it’s clear he’s run out of ideas.  This is the same smashing we’ve seen before; there’s just more of it.  I can’t remember a single cool action shot.  I only remember the unbelievably goofy ones like when Cade uses a football as a weapon.

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The widespread destruction makes me side with Attinger.  The Transformers are a threat, although to be fair they become more of a threat when Attinger decides to work with one of them to take out the others, and also doesn’t question why Lockdown would care about eliminating his alien brethren.  I also find it difficult to believe the Autobots have any regard for humanity when they’re carelessly tearing up office buildings in Chicago and homes in Hong Kong.  At least the Autobot Crosshairs (John DiMaggio) openly states he’s indifferent to the plight of the humans and is reluctant to fight alongside Optimus.  Again, there’s a hint of an interesting conflict between characters, but the movie is more interested in the conflict between Transformers and buildings.

But this is what audiences show up for, right?  Massive, widespread destruction caused by alien robots fighting each other?  Except that’s no longer novel, and all Transformers: Age of Extinction has to provide is more mayhem plus Dinobots.  This is the longest Transformers movie, but it feels even longer than previous three, especially since it’s not really doing anything new.  Other blockbusters have stolen Bay’s thunder.  Even though Superman destroys Metropolis in Man of Steel, we cared enough to debate the ramifications of his actions.  We expect city-leveling chaos from the Transformers because that’s how they roll, but eventually all destruction blurs together.  One more smashed building is as unimportant as another.

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There are so many questions circling Age of Extinction.  Why does the movie veer wildly between dusk and midday in the middle of the same scene?  Why does a gigantic spaceship keep sneaking up on everyone?  How do the human characters get tossed around like rag dolls but not die or even break a single bone?  We’ve come to expect this nonsense from the Transformers movie, and it’s not only tolerated by audiences.  It’s embraced.

Shouldn’t ticket-buyers want these movies to be better instead of just more of the same?  Or are these pictures just fast food where you know what you’re getting, and even though they aren’t fine cuisine, at least they’re nourishing?  The problem is that the food has gone stale.  There’s nothing fresh about the series, or at least as far as Bay is concerned.  Age of Extinction isn’t just redundant; it’s transparent.  The movie exists to sell toys, and that’s why Joyce has created a bunch of new Transformers.  China is an expanding market, and worldwide box office is where studios make their money, so that’s why the characters go to Hong Kong even though we’re already exhausted from the Transformers destroying Chicago again.

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I’m sure I’ll be accused of being out of touch with the mainstream, and that I’m just another snooty critic who can’t appreciate dumb fun pictures.  The problem is that we can and should demand more from our blockbusters.  Godzilla was a huge hit, and although it also features citywide destruction and paper-thin characters, it had tension and atmosphere.  Transformers: Age of Extinction is the same old noise, but longer and louder.  It’s a tiring experience, and I’m tired of this franchise.

Rating: D-

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  • Person

    Ugh, didn’t think they could make these things longer than the third one. Disappointed that this isn’t supposedly better than the last two but I’ll still be seeing it regardless. Cars turn into robots that fight each other – I’m in, for better or worse.

    • theseeker7

      For worse! It’s always ALWAYS for worse!!” [said in a Matthew Perry-esque voice]

    • EB

      What is your major damage?

  • Fahad Ali

    You’re out of touch with the mainstream, Goldberg, and just another snooty critic who can’t appreciate dumb fun pictures.

    Luckily, so am I. I wouldn’t buy this for a dollar, let alone watch it in cinema.

    • juepucta

      you mistakenly think this is steak vs hamburgers issue, it is not – it is trying to avoid eating shitburgers

    • Wrath of Titan

      Goldberg hates anything not called “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.”

  • VampireHorde

    These movies don’t just sell toys, they also sell cars. I’ve seen more Camaros than any other sports car on the road. And, with this movie, we prolly might see more Lamborghinis and Bugattis on the road!

  • VampireHorde

    These movies don’t just sell toys, they also sell cars. I’ve seen more Camaros than any other sports car on the road. And, with this movie, we prolly might see more Lamborghinis and Bugattis on the road!

    • Neo Racer

      Come to Kent, WA. Theres more Camaros than Honda’s

    • juepucta

      there is a “slight” price point difference

  • Nick

    prediction time, what do you expect age of extinction will make this weekend?

    1. Transformers – 70.5 mil
    2. Transformers ROTF – 109 mil
    3. Transformers DOTM – 98 mil
    4. Transformers AOE – ????

    • http://tarek-to-verso.over-blog.com/ tarek

      1000 $ ?

    • http://www.rockydavies.com/ RockyDavies

      I may be kidding myself but I expect it will be lower than the last two. Maybe back to the $70m range. At least from what I’ve seen around, it doesn’t seem to have much excitement or momentum in comparison to the previous. Seems like much more of the same.

      • bidi

        i might even say less. i have a good friend who loves these movies for some reason and he’s not even going to see it. i don’t know a single person who plans on seeing this

    • Person

      Tracking has it around $100M, Paramount has it between $90M-$100M, but I think it’ll probably be less. I’d say around $85M or so.

  • http://tarek-to-verso.over-blog.com/ tarek

    Argggh. Had a headache just by reading the plot.
    Yet another humbug!

  • Kaiser117

    A little insulted from this review, my name is Kade.

    • Victor Pleitez

      either you can’t tell the diffference between Kade and Cade or you’re a terrible speller, either way I thought Cade Yaeger sounded like a pretty cool name and a bankable b-movie action character.

    • The Flobbit

      Equally insulted at Matt’s ignorance. My cousin’s name is Cade.

  • Unicron

    Fuck you Goldberg! I’m going to see this movie twice this weekend… Just in spite.

    • Luciano Jose Marin

      Que Salame!

    • http://www.JustPressPlay.net Lex Walker

      Then I’ll not see this movie twice this weekend. Just in spite.

      • The Flobbit

        I”m going to go to the cinema and Not see Transformers.

      • http://twilightirruption.blogspot.com/ abbeysbooks

        Did you comment on The Rover. Did I miss it if you did?

      • The Flobbit

        Perhaps I did. I think The Rover looks incredible. Guy Pearce is brilliant.

    • http://www.JustPressPlay.net Lex Walker

      Then I’ll not see this movie twice this weekend. Just in spite.

    • the king of comedy

      Banned?

  • Oolie zool

    I can’t believe you didn’t even mention the dinobots. That’s the only reason I’ll eventually download this movie, but not even that will get me to pay good money to see it.

    • Clay

      He did mention the dinobots.

    • Daniel Ronczkowski

      Supposedly the Dinobots are in all of 5 minutes of the movie.

      • Neven

        True… Dinobots show up literally for the last 10 minutes.

      • Victor Pleitez

        lol and people complained about Godzilla.

  • GrimReaper07

    Obviously the inclusion of giant robotic dinosaurs justifies the 3 hour-long running time. You know nothing Matt Goldberg.

  • Elisa

    Left this franchise a looooooong time ago and never going back. Too bad some people are so easily entertained…

  • The Pop Pessimist

    This review was delightful to read! Thank you Matt.

  • bidi

    i hate the “dumb fun” argument with these movies. lots of movies are “dumb fun” but are actually enjoyable. Pacific Rim is a good example. the latest installments of the Fast and Furious. hell, even Godzilla toed the line between serious and dumb fun. these are all enjoyable movies that don’t require you to use your brain. but the Transformers serious is just trash. there are no redeeming qualities to these movies. the shitty thing is i think Bay is a pretty sound technical director. i think if he had any idea what subtlety meant he could make some decent movies. this is has just gotten sad

    • Victor Pleitez

      I too like to look at Bay as a capable action director but either he encourages his films to be soo juevenile and devoid of character development and dialouge or he maybe blowing stuff up on the screen is all he can do. Look at everything after the first film, every piece of dialouge is just exposition followed by Bay’s odd sense of humor. Goldberg is right, when Ironhide died in the last film I didn’t care because I didn’t know much about the dude except he likes to carry around big guns. I fail to see why Optimus choose to protect the humans over rebuilding his planet in the last film, with the expception of Sam who saved him before just about every other human he’s come across is giant a-hole. Is one guy all that was needed to convice Prime to help us when his friends are being hunted down and melted for parts?

  • The Destroyer

    Bad reviewers, whatever, but why are you insulting the audience that sees them within the review?

    • Spanky

      Because you idiots (likely the same that go to Adam Sandler movies) are the ones who hand over cash for garbage like this and allow them to continually get made

  • Chris

    You underestimate your readers, Goldberg. They hate Michael Bay way more than they dislike your review!!!

  • http://twitter.com/historiarevista pedro

    We all know all the series are crap but i like the first film. The second and third went so bad, so bad, i mean BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD in a scale the first one got better and better

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  • Colin Christian

    Unwatchable,all of them.Who talks like that? I understand trashy fun,but these flicks are something else,it’s the embracing of stupidity I find so sickening,it’s Idiocracy,through and through.

  • Neven

    Just saw it — worst Transformers movie yet, without a doubt. I promise you, Matt isn’t wrong. And I am usually a person who digs Bay’s mindless action, I even enjoyed previous movies to a degree just for the popcorn factor, but this is just horrible.

    But the problem isn’t in the fact it doesn’t have great story or dialogue, but it simply isn’t fun, it’s tiring and it’s endless. Leaving your brain outside the cinema and trying to enjoy it for its technical aspects won’t help either.

  • João Paulo

    So why watch? Don’t watch, simple, leave the audience decide if is good or not ( I will watch btw), don’t write reviews about the movie, leave to another person write then. What annoying review, I stopped read after the first paragraph.

    • Frank

      I wish I stopped read after first sentence.

    • Guy

      Make sure only people who like the movie they haven’t seen yet write the reviews? Gotcha.

      • http://www.JustPressPlay.net Lex Walker

        Or, just as dumb, only let people who liked a movie write reviews for it. Starting to understand how dumb you have to be to like these movies.

  • suave

    I agree with Matt 150% this is one of the worst franchises ever because every character is dumb as rocks and only a dumb person would find that amusing

  • Zane

    I myself love movies. I love all genres. I love a good drama or thriller but i also love action movies. I am a Bay fan, he is a master of his craft. The guy is an action guy and transformers is just simply a straight up action movie. Every movie has a reason to love it and for a Bay movie its all about the action. If this movies starts with a boom and ends with one im sure it will be a great bay movie. This one is all about the explosions!

  • theseeker7

    “This is the longest Transformers movie, but it feels even longer than previous three, especially since it’s not really doing anything new.”

    Trust me, I agree with you in principle about the very notion of the Transformers franchise, but… huh? If this is in fact the longest Transformers movie as far as running time, it completely makes sense that it would FEEL like the longest. I don’t understand the use of the “but” there in that sentence.

  • Jack Dennis

    this movie is going to be awesome!

  • Doug_101

    There’s only one Transformers movie…and it was released in 1986.

    • Sammy

      If you did a shot for shot remake of the 86 movie but made it live action, it would destroy the Bay movies in every aspect. Actual character development, deaths that have impact, two likeable human characters, Cybertron, alien worlds, Dinobots for more then 10 minutes, compelling villains, an actual plot, and a soundtrack that’s Linkin Park free.

      • http://www.JustPressPlay.net Lex Walker

        Hey now, I think it says something that a Linkin Park soundtrack was actually the least horrible thing about any of these movies.

    • theseeker7

      speaking of, one of the things I’m wondering about… like okay me as a 38yo guy right now, I certainly can remember the Transformers cartoons from my childhood, but in a more abstract way, I don’t have any true significant memories from actual episodes, that sort of thing. Now when they were first trying to summarize the plot for the first Transformers in 2007, people quipped that it basically comes down to the Autobots have to find the “all spark” before the evil Decepticons do. And the kicker is, that that same thought could also summarize virtually the entirety of the 80′s Transformers cartoon series. That pretty much every single episode had what little you could call of “plot” being the same thing — a fight/chase between the two ‘species’ for location and possession of the all spark.

      I’m just wondering from others around here who actually do remember machinations of particular Transformers TV episodes, or maybe you saw some recently on DVD or whatever, but is that description true, it really was that simple (granted not like I was expecting some kind of Noel Coward level of wit and charm in an 80s kids show, but still)

      • Sammy

        It wasn’t about an all spark at all. It was basically about a civil war that depleted Cybertrons resources and spread to earth. The deceptions won so the autobots escaped and went looking for more resources(energon). Megatron wanted to make sure that didn’t happen and followed. In the ensuing fight they crashed landed on prehistoric earth and were locked in stasis until modern times. The rest of the series basically revolved around the deceptions trying to exploit an emerging rich earth and the autobots stopping them. So in a sense you’re right. But it went off into the back stories of Prime, Star Scream, Omega Supreme, the constructions, the dinobots, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all gold by any means but there were actually some pretty deep sci fi themes going on in spite of the commercial nature of selling toys.

      • Sammy

        *emerging was suppose to be energon.

  • Drake

    I actually hadn’t seen any of the original three up until this past week. I watched them because … not quite sure why actually … But at any rate, the first two are just plain bad. The third is bolstered by some legitimately cool action at the end. But on a whole, this is a fairly awful series. I’ll watch TF4 – mostly for the unintentional comedy aspect – but I certainly won’t spend any money on it.

  • larry

    Cade McNown….what a douchebag

  • ThisGuy01

    This review is gonna piss off so many dudes named Cade! You’re never gonna hear the end of it Matt.

    • http://www.JustPressPlay.net Lex Walker

      “So many dudes named Cade”

      All 6 of them.

  • God’s Diamond

    transformium still better than unobtainium.

  • God’s Diamond

    transformium still better than unobtainium.

    • FinishThem!

      Unobtainium wasn’t invented by Avatar (which I imagine you are referencing), it is actually a very old sci fi term. I was amazed how few people/critics knew this when ripping the shit out of the movie for using the word.

  • God’s Diamond

    in tf1 jazz said what’s up little bitches or whatever, maybe this time Grimlock will say check out my dino swag.

  • God’s Diamond

    in tf1 jazz said what’s up little bitches or whatever, maybe this time Grimlock will say check out my dino swag.

  • AverageGamers

    Dear Matt,
    NO you’re not a snooty critic, at all. And I’m not even trying to be sarcastic here.
    I’m tired of this franchise too. I basically forced myself to watch the third because/when it was said to be the last of the trilogy, and for this one I had zero interest. Used to have one, but it went off the roof due to reasons.
    So yeah, just want to say you’re not alone in feeling this way :)

  • AverageGamers

    Dear Matt,
    NO you’re not a snooty critic, at all. And I’m not even trying to be sarcastic here.
    I’m tired of this franchise too. I basically forced myself to watch the third because/when it was said to be the last of the trilogy, and for this one I had zero interest. Used to have one, but it went off the roof due to reasons.
    So yeah, just want to say you’re not alone in feeling this way :)

  • DEADP00L

    Once again those who respect cinema and sci fi are vindicated. I look forward to Colliders podcast about this because it’s time we all sat down and actually talked where we put our feet down. The audience has tolerated insult after insult and yet studios continue to fail to deliver again and again with the exception of apes and Godzilla.

    Now they think we’re watching TF5? Good luck trying to sell that BS Michael Bay. He deserved a good kick in the groin for wasting literally years with cinema tech he is absolutely unworthy of.

  • DEADP00L

    I salute you Matt, you endured this agony when you could have been watching meaningful inde’s and we appreciate it.

  • DEADP00L

    I salute you Matt, you endured this agony when you could have been watching meaningful inde’s and we appreciate it.

  • Unicron

    Ive read your reviews enough to believe I think you know what you are talking about!

  • Unicron

    Ive read your reviews enough to believe I think you know what you are talking about!

  • Strong Enough

    I’m there with a big bucket of popcorn and i hope Bay destroys every building in the fucking movie. I hope everything blows up. Even the stray dog in China can get it with explosives. If there is one building standing I’m gonna be pissed.

  • Mezmero

    What hell is wrong with people?? You want everything to be realistic but yet you complain that their is to much destruction in movie about giant robots fighting LMMFAO! I’m glad this is fiction because so many of you would not make it out because your wagging your finger at killer robots. This is summer blockbuster movie to go see and enjoy but your too hip and intelligent for it LOL! I don’t get these review sometimes because it’s really based on how you see the world. If you think giant robots should be kind to buildings and people when fighting then may l recommend
    a classic film called “Short Circuit”. You will like it because Transformers is to much for you. I just don’t know what else you can go see if you can’t handle destruction after all these alien flicks ID4 ring a bell?…………Didn’t think so!

    • FinishThem!

      People love summer movies with destruction, some of them even get decent reviews, shitty ones like Transformers get bad reviews.

  • Michael Singer

    Die Hard 4 is just “dumb fun.”
    300 is just “dumb fun.”
    Heck even The Rock (a genuinely good Bay action movie, shocking) is just “dumb fun.”
    This is stupid, loud, overlong and bloated, misogynistic, and worst of all, not fun at all.

  • JBug

    @mattgoldberg:disqus You’re my favorite critic so I don’t mean any disrespect, but this review is almost just repetitive as these Transformers movies. Firstly, it’s much longer than you’re other reviews. Secondly, the whole notion of these movies being an exhausting and cold waste of time has been beaten to death over the past couple of years. Unless the next Transformers adds something new, I don’t think you need to waste your time writing a review (let alone 1400 words).

    Again, you’re my favorite critic and your reviews always resonate with me. I wouldn’t have bothered to comment otherwise.

  • furion77

    Just came back from the theater and watched this in 3D. I do not care about what critics say, specially frustrated ones. This is an action movie and a science fiction one. It does well in both with lots of actions. Enjoy

    • Money Makes My Head Spin Round

      The sci-fi aspect is non-existent in these films! There is never an explanation as to what the transformers are, where they’ve come from, any sense of what makes sci-fi, well, sci-fi… This is science-fantasy – where they just have beings from an alien world but shrug off having to explain it, because they’re not making it for that kind of audience. They are making it for an audience who want loud incoherent exposition and explosions.

    • Convoy

      And you just insulted science fiction.

  • Momo

    Hahaha! This was an epic review. I agree with him! It is a repetitive franchise and I always know that Optimus is going to have a deep voice and explain basic shit. Bumble will be the human’s best friend and the other autobots just show up and destory stuff. Haha my favorite line though was when Matt said “I only remembered Cade’s name because it’s stupid, and you will go your entire life without meeting anyone named “Cade””. Haha!

    • The Flobbit

      And yet Cade is (or was) a popular name, and I have met several people named Cade. Including my cousin…

      • Momo

        Well I’ve never ever heard that name before. But congrats to your cousin for owning it.

      • The Flobbit

        It is a strange name, but it sounds fine on its own. Coupled with Yeager, it sounds like either a porn star or a pulp fiction action hero.

      • FinishThem!

        I think it is an interesting sound name. Never heard of it till this movie.

  • pg13myass

    I had been hesitant to see it. I tried to convince myself to not waste my time and money prior to this. But, I caved out of foolish curiosity. I had absolutely extremely low expectations going in. I figured, it’s Michael Bay and you know what you’re getting with that in mind. I’m not expecting character, plot or any emotional investment in this movie. But, JESUS!!! This just completely blew my mind at how mind-numbingly atrocious and uncomfortably LONG this movie is!!! This has GOT to be the worse movie I’ve ever sat through!!! I kept shifting in my seat and wondering, wait, there’s MORE??? How much longer do I have to sit through this??? Absolutely want my $15 and 3 hours of my time back!!!!

  • Displa[er

    I’ve never bought the phrase “shut your brain off” as used in defense of these sort of thoughtless, pandering studio franchises. It reeks of human laziness to me, and Michael Bay is thus appropriated the world’s biggest fireworks budget (next to the American military), again and again.

  • mattinacan

    after walking out of transformers 1 halfway through, never seeing the 2nd or 3rd (thankfully), i’ll stay home for this as well. Never seen a good Bay movie ever.

  • Ryan DiBenedetto

    I thought the movie was great, probably the best in the series after the first one

  • Grendal Sven

    I’m seriously wondering if you played on your phone for half the movie Matt, since certain plot-points seem to have eluded you. I feel your pain, I didn’t want to go see this pile of shit either, I wanted to go see Edge of Tomorrow but got out-voted 2 to one by my 13 year old son and my 37 year old GF who thinks Legally Blond is one of the best movies ever made. But still, I paid attention enough to know what the hell was going on. As a professional you have an obligation to review movies fairly and without bias, if you didn’t want to go and sit through it all, you should have passed the job on to someone who gave a fuck.

    P.S. Lockdown is a god-damned bounty hunter, it was said like 10 times in the movie, his soul motivation to being on Earth was to bring in Optimus Prime for whoever the hell the creators were. He didn’t want to destroy the planet, he could have cared less.

    • subtitlesarejustwords

      I think the point that Matt and other reviewers (most of them claim to have no memory of the plot) is that there is no reason to CARE about what is going on. For films that are about getting to the 3rd act explosions, they spend an awful amount of time flapping in the wind and taking the most excruciating route to that destination, so I empathize with the assessment of “none of this made any sense”.

  • Sam_H

    Utah has an alarming amount of people named Cade, both male and female.

  • unknown

    Wow you can tell whoever wrote this review iss an as if watched the first three movies twice then you’d understand the plot this was a great movie who cares about the names and Im pretty sure just based on the graphics it too Michael awhile to make and you should see it again put this time take a friend and at the end discuss it over then you’ll get it

    • Convoy

      Um no. This movie is straight gutter trash. I have tried my best to not insult people, but after hearing the cheering at the theater, make something pretty and shiny and idiots will lap it all up.

  • EB

    You have my blessing good sir. You aren’t out of touch. You aren’t wrong. This line is 100% absolutely correct:

    The problem is that we can and should demand more from our blockbusters.
    You even aimed low comparing it to Godzilla. Avengers, Edge of Tomorrow, Inception, Dark Knight, Scott Pilgrim, Days of Future Past – all are recent movies that show you can have joy and intelligence in an alleged blockbuster and keep your phenomenal action scenes and widespread destruction. Heck, Fast Five was “dumb” fun that didn’t have contempt for its audience like this franchise does. I’m sure the international cume will justify another round, but I hope US audiences have come to their senses. DOWN WITH BAY. He ruins everything he touches (ever seen a Platinum Dunes horror film?)

  • JoeyJ

    This movie is f**king repeating the same story over and over.. https://vidd.me/5Mx

    • Convoy

      Yes! Swap out Cade and his daughter for Same and Mikaea and it’s the same characters except the relationship has been changed.

  • Honor till the end

    Wow. So you think you get to decide what people like and what they don’t? Heck no, dude. You hated it, get over it. But I do pity you. If not for the movie, you could have at least appreciated the message? Or you were way stupid to not get it? Such wise and beautiful words Optimus Prime used.
    I grew up watching the animated series, and I love the movies. And I’m going to watch em again. And again. And again. Guess who’s wrong about people hating it? You, sir.

    • milo

      “So you think you get to decide what people like and what they don’t?”

      This gives the impression that you don’t grasp the concept of movie reviews at all.

  • Honor till the end

    Wow. So you think you get to decide what people like and what they don’t? Heck no, dude. You hated it, get over it. But I do pity you. If not for the movie, you could have at least appreciated the message? Or you were way stupid to not get it? Such wise and beautiful words Optimus Prime used.
    I grew up watching the animated series, and I love the movies. And I’m going to watch em again. And again. And again. Guess who’s wrong about people hating it? You, sir.

  • Joe

    I saw the movie. If you go into it knowing not to take the acting seriously at all, it becomes pretty cool. The first half of the movie is pretty impressive ie. Lockdown. The second half struggled to hold interest. It was a 2 star movie overall, the action sequences deserved most of the credit. This is the only thing Michael Bay does best unfortunately – and sunsets : )

  • Petr Slavík

    Nah. Maybe 15. They are interchengable, silent and totally un-interesting.

  • Leo Spaceman

    Optimus Prime wields the God Damn Sword of Judgement. That alone is worth the price of admission. I openly believe Bay makes horrible Transformers movie, and my critique as to why he shouldn’t be doing these kinds of movies would be longer than this review. But Optimus Prime is going to be riding fire Breathing T-Rex for F**k’s sake. You are damn right I am going to pay to see this film on the biggest screen I can find, Twice.

  • Juan

    Yeah, like Paul WS Anderson! A 90-minute Transformers flick with a budget of $60 million. Oh, how the fan boys would wish Bay would come home.

  • Mike

    Just because Optimus rides a Dinobot does not mean it will be cool when you see it in the movie. And it’s supposed to only be about 10 mins of Dinobots

  • Person

    Yeah I don’t go to these expecting high art. I don’t see the problem in going into a movie every three or four years wanting dumb fun and getting exactly that. The last couple were punishing in their “length : action” ratios, that was my only major complaint. Other than that, I’ll gladly spend $12 to see one of these every few years.

  • Spanky

    The typical argument.. no it doesn’t have to be ‘high art’, but why can’t it at least be good? Coherent story telling, an actual plot, characters we care about?

    Is that really too much to ask in a popcorn flick?

  • Elisa

    Nothing wrong with dumb fun movies but I just don’t think any of these are fun anymore. Tried renting the second one, fell asleep. My 14 year old siblings don’t even want to see it, I think that says something about the lack of fun.

  • poppincherry

    Thank you!
    Bays is a fucking hack! And Spielberg is just along for the $$$$.

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