In its 38 years of marketing and merchandising, the Star Wars franchises has brought some of the big screen's greatest characters and moments to life in the form of toys, action figures, and vehicles. What kid wouldn't want to dress as Luke Skywalker for Halloween, brandishing a light-up lightsaber to battle against the evil Empire? What collector wouldn't want to scour yard sales for highly sought-after, valuable Star Wars toys? But the law of averages states that if some of these toys are exemplary, and most are acceptable, then there must be a fair representation of some weird, unusual, and downright strange toys that no one in their right mind would ever want to buy.

Since we're talking about the rabid Star Wars fandom however, "right mind" is a relative term since the weirder these toys are, the more interesting they seem to be to collectors. Sure, some of it's just junk that someone, somewhere thought would make a quick sale ... and they were probably right. I mean, this is the toyline that once sold people an empty cardboard box with the promise that their display-worthy action figures would show up eventually. "Weird" is in the eye of the beholder, so with that in mind, take a look at some of the weirdest Star Wars toys ever.

Han Solo in a Trench Coat

Trench coats inherently have a very thin line between making a character appear much cooler vs weird and creepy. Harrison Ford's Blade Runner character, Rick Deckard: very cool. Ford's Han Solo wearing a camo trench coat in Return of the Jedi: not cool, not that weird. This Star Wars figure of Han Solo in an overly large and bulky trench coat: way weird. You can get your hands on this figure for yourself (no questions asked) via Ebay:

Polis Massan Medic

Now every Star Wars fan knows Han Solo, trench coat or not; only the most rabid of fans will recognize this Polis Massan medic. These creepy-looking characters acted as a midwife of sorts for Queen Amidala in Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith. Turns out that, hey, they weren't really equipped to deal with childbirth and left the whole thing up to a medical droid instead, but that didn't stop them from starring at Amidala's supine form with their cold, featureless faces.

If you need the Polis Massan medics to complete your operating room diorama, you can buy this missing medic through Ebay here:

Weequay Skiff Master

You know what profession most kids want to be when they grow up? Gondolier. So it follows that kids who happen to love the Star Wars movies want to bring the sci-fi/fantasy version of a Venetian pole-pusher home in action figure form. Enter this Weequay Skiff Master, a wrinkly faced guardian aboard one of the skiffs escorting Jabba the Hutt's floating barge. You can recreate his untimely death at the hands of Luke's lightsaber with this super-weird figure below (via Rebelscum):

Pruneface

Now we're entering the obscure realm of Star Wars characters and their associated figures. Some of these weirdos have a screen presence that is shorter than the time it takes to say their names. Case in point, Orrimaarko, better known as Pruneface. This one-eyed, eyepatch-wearing, testicle-headed alien was apparently a rebel character in Return of the Jedi.

Complete your Extended Universe collection with Pruneface, who comes with testicle-head-squeezing eyepatch action and burlap cape accessory! Kids love it! (Via Rebelscum):

 

Amanaman and His Staff of Shrunken Keads

The Star Wars universe is replete with alien creations ranging from the beautiful to the horrific (see above). We'll stick to the weirder end of the spectrum with this little-known bounty hunter who resembles a gigantic planarian. Weird enough yet? Nope! This guy also has a penchant for keeping shrunken heads on the staff he carries around with him. You should put this figure in the background of Jabba's Palace, perhaps enjoying the tunes of the Max Rebo Band. Or just put it in the trash and set it on fire. (Via Rebelscum)

The Force

Perhaps the most recognizable element of the Star Wars universe is something that is often referenced but never seen. I'm talking, of course, about The Force. It's the mystical, magical living energy that drives all actions in the universe, or some bull like that. So, if there are action figures for characters as obscure as Amidala's medics and Jabba's skiff guards, surely The Force should get some action figure love, right?

Han Solo: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Despite Han's objections, one clever Ebay user created a custom model of The Force which you can buy if you are so inclined:

Ghost of Anakin Skywalker

OK, that last one was a bit of a joke, but at least it was done in the spirit of good fun. These next figures are done in a spirit of marketing and nepotism. First up, Anakin Skywalker!

"But wait, Anakin was an integral character to the Star Wars films! Of course he should have a figure!" I agree. However, this particular version is one of Anakin's ghost, much like the holographic apparition who appears to Luke in Return of the Jedi. Thankfully, this figure was created when Anakin usurper Hayden Christensen was only four years old, so Sebastian Shaw ends up with this ghostly figure. Since Kenner couldn't make a convincing see-through toy, they just drained all the color out of his hair and skin, and gave him haunting eyes. Fun for kids! (Via Rebelscum)

George Lucas and Family ... Wait, What?

It's not enough to be the creator of a multi-billion-dollar franchise, or to retroactively meddle with otherwise classic films in order to inject new technology into older movies, George Lucas felt the need to get into costume and star in one of his own features. Oh, and I should mention that he forced asked his adopted children to do the same for Revenge of the Sith. If that wasn't bad enough, there's also an action figure collection featuring the Lucas brood. Their characters are as follows:

The George Lucas Family Set is a StarWarsShop exclusive!

Eagle-eyed fans watching Revenge of the Sith may have noticed George Lucas' first-ever Star Wars cameo as the blue-faced Baron Papanoida waiting outside the Coruscant Opera House. What some may not realize, however, is that the entire Lucas enclave -- Katie, Amanda, and Jett Lucas -- also made brief appearances in the movie, immortalized now for the first time as Hasbro action figures!

 

This exclusive four-figure set includes three brand new sculpts available only at StarWarsShop. Included in the set are:

- Baron Papanoida

- Chi Eekway (Katie Lucas)

- Terr Taneel (Amanda Lucas)

- Zett Jukassa (Jett Lucas)

Here's a look at the collection, which you can purchase for display purposes, voodoo, whatever (via Amazon):

Darth Vader / Death Star Transformer

If you ever thought that Star Wars and Transformers really need to exist in a combined universe, then this toy is right up your alley! Perhaps the two most menacing entities in the entirety of the Star Wars run - Darth Vader and the Death Star - unite into one terrifying, transforming monstrosity in this Hasbro figure. Let's just hope the Millennium Falcon clears the docking bay before the transformation is complete.

Here's some of the specs and images of the Darth Star transformer, via Amazon:

When opened up, this amazing 2-in-1 toy instantly becomes Darth Vader--wielding weapons, warriors and the force to do battle against the Rebel Alliance. With some crafty reconstruction, however, this fearsome figure becomes the equally evil, planet-destroying Death Star.

 

As the battle station, the toy features compartments from which TIE fighter aircrafts can fly, and in which miniature figures and Vader's detachable cape can be stored. For fighting on a smaller scale, the toy comes with three fighter planes seven "mini-figs" include and 1-inch tall versions of Darth Vader and three Storm Troopers. A translucent green missile launches from an opening in the Death Star as well as from Darth Vader's gun. Of course, Vader wouldn't be complete without his signature red Lightsaber, which generates realistic Lightsaber sound when placed in his right hand. Another button on the figure's stomach prompts famous Vader lines from the Star Wars movies.

This may be weird, but I'd love to see Darth Star take on Spaceballs' Mega Maid. Some other weird Star Wars/Transformers mash-ups include:

• Star Wars Transformers Class III DARTH VADER TO STAR DESTROYER
• Star Wars: Transformers Class I Series 1 General Grievous to Grievous Starfighter Action Figure Vehicle
• Star Wars Emperor Palpatine Transformer

Blaster Rifle Carrying Case

Now that you've got your collection of weird-ass Star Wars figures, you've got to find a way to tote them all around. I've got you covered with this authentic reproduction of a Stormtrooper laser blaster rifle! What better way to show off your Star Wars figures collection than carrying around an assault rifle and pointing it at strangers? Take it to school, to the playground, and to your local police precinct! Ages 4 and up! (Via The SWCA):

Brand new reproduction of the LASER RIFLE used by theREBEL ALLIANCE and THE EMPIRE in STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI. It has a pretend "telescopic sight" for tracking the enemy. It even has a compartment to store accessories and secret messages. And when opened, the LASER RIFLE becomes a carrying case for up to 19 STAR WARS Action Figures. Both the Case and Action Figures sold separately. Ages 4 and up.

Personnel Deployment Transport

Now you've got a Second Amendment carrying case for all your Star Wars figures, but how do you expect the characters themselves to get from playset to playset? I mean, they could always just walk, but that's not nearly as suave has hopping in a landspeeder or being treated to a posh ride in an Imperial transport. Enter the Personnel Deployment Transport, a clunky little hunk of plastic with what appear to be jet turbines strapped to the side. So if you want your characters to suffer a horrific death by crashing at a high rate of speed, this is the toy for you! (Via The SWCA)

Tauntaun with "Open Belly Rescue"

If you find your kid (Ages 4 and up!) vivisecting animals in the backyard, he's either going to grow up to be a veterinarian or a serial killer. If you find him pulling one of his Star Wars figures from the bowels of a fallen Tauntaun, he'll grow up to be the hero of the rebellion. This particular toy lets your little one live out his disemboweling fantasies in the safety of your own home. Kenner's Tauntaun with Open Belly Rescue Feature allows fans to re-enact one of the series' more dire rescue scenes from Empire Strikes Back without all the grossness associated with Tauntaun viscera, and the worst possible smell they emit is that of cheap plastic. (Via The SWCA)

Chewbacca Mr. Potato Head

Alright enough gruesome stuff, let's look at some weird, funny junk that no one really needs but people continue to buy for some reason. First up, Star Wars-themed Mr. Potato Head costumes! I really hope there's a shiny chrome Captain Phasma version in the future! (Via Amazon)

 

Yoda Head Slippers

OK, so it's not technically a toy, but these slippers are just another example of how the Star Wars merchandise machine will cram characters into every square inch of our lives. I present for your consideration these Yoda slippers. Putting the diminutive Jedi master's head on a pair of fur-lined bedtime footwear should be absurd, and yet here they are. At least the Chewbacca slippers use the whole Chewbacca, and the same can be said for the Wampa. (Via Amazon)

Stormtooper Cookie Jar

What is it about Star Wars that makes them want to put characters' heads on everything? At least with the slippers, fans were simply parading around the vanquished corpse of their fallen foes via fashionable footwear. Now, with this Stormtrooper cookie jar, you're literally feasting on the cranial insides of cloned soldiers! (Them clone brains do taste delicious though.) (Via Amazon)

 

Star Wars Hot Wheels Cars

Alright, back to legitimate, die-cast Star Wars toys. If you thought the crossover between Star Wars and Transformers was silly, this amalgamation between the toys of the Galaxy Far, Far Away and Mattel's Hot Wheels line is downright ludicrous. These things look like a failed Fullmetal Alchemist transmutation, or in the case of Darth Vader's roadster, an even sillier version of Darkwing Duck's Thunderquack jet. Check them out below (via Amazon):

Star Wars Pets

If people are crazy about Star Wars, they're even crazier when pets are involved. The marketing folks knew this all too well, which is why they partnered up with Petco in order to bring fans no end to tie-in products. Need a Darth Vader pet bed for pooch? No problem! Need catnip Rebels and Imperials for kitty? They've got you covered! Want to further embarrass yourself your pet by dressing them like Yoda, a Tauntaun, or an AT-AT? Look no further!

Pet costumes via Amazon:

Darth Vader: Bike Cop

It's no surprise that, despite the weirdness in evidenced above, Star Wars toys and merchandise are sure-sellers across the board. They're so successful, in fact, that plenty of knock-off merchandise and rip-off franchises have been built on the foundation that Lucas built. In some cases, the success of Star Wars allowed similarly themed and worthwhile projects (ie Battlestar Galactica) to get production funding. In most cases, the cheap toys, movies, and TV shows are just in for a quick cash grab.

In the most entertaining of cases, however, the toymakers just have zero clue as to what's going on, so they make a product that's laughably absurd and yet delightful in just how much it misses the mark. With that in mind, I present to you, Star Knight (aka Darth Vader: Bike Cop). (Via Bootleg Action Figures)

All hail Star Knight!