Every once in a while, a "story" comes along that is so ridiculous that I can't resist writing about it. This is one of those "stories." Regardless of your age, chances are you either remember watching or have heard about planet Earth's infatuation with the 90s beach drama Baywatch. Starring David Hasselhoff's hair and Pamela Anderson's one-piece, the show followed the adventures of Los Angeles County lifeguards who just couldn't help but seem attractive regardless of whatever near-death scenario they found themselves in.

So popular was Baywatch that its 1.1 billion internationally-based, weekly viewers made it the most watched television series of all time. Although the original iteration of the show ended back in 1999, plans to bring Baywatch to the big screen have been making the rounds in Hollywood since 2004. Now, it looks as if a script by Rescue Me's Peter Tolan may finally make the Baywatch movie dream a reality. The only catch? It has absolutely nothing to do with the show. More after the jump.

Two-time Primetime Emmy-winner Peter Tolan recently appeared as a guest on the Matthew Aaron Show podcast [via JoBlo] where he talked a little about the Baywatch screenplay he recently turned in to Paramount. During the interview, Tolan said of his script:

"It's not based on the show in any way, though there are a couple of winks at the show...I don't know anything about the show. I didn't watch it in preparation for writing this."

There you have it, world. A Baywatch movie that isn't about, influenced by, and/or based on Baywatch in any way, shape or form. By that logic, I'd like to go ahead and be the first to scoop the news that Jaws was actually a Baywatch prequel because, hey, there were some beach scenes with lifeguards poking around somewhere (I'm asking that all further dissemination of that breaking news be linked back to the source...me).

Fans of the series needn't worry, though, because Tolan also assured listeners that his script does include roles for both David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson. Of course, they aren't for the characters they actually played in Baywatch (remember, because the movie doesn't have anything to do with it), but there are male and female roles written for the film nonetheless.

Naturally, there is no guarantee that Tolan's script will ever see the light of day. I certainly hope that isn't the case because I'm sure its billions of fans are bracing at the bit to see a Baywatch movie that in no way resembles the show they love. Then again, as long as there are plenty of scenes featuring great looking lifeguards jogging in slow-motion, they may not even be able to tell the difference.