The Seinfeld writing team apparently had a strict rule: “No hugging, no lessons.” Now, take that same rule and have it huff some paint, get blacked out on poorly poured booze, inject it with bootleg collagen you bought in Mexico and you have the wonderfully depraved debauchery of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

A pitch-black comedy set in the divest dive bar in the City of Brotherly Love, the brainchild of Rob McElhenney and Glenn Howerton has, for 12 seasons now (and counting!), documented the on-going schemes of five of the worst people you’ll ever meet: Psychotic possible serial killer Dennis (Howerton). Delusional wannabe actress/current bird woman Dee (Kaitlin Olson). Repressed homosexual karate schlub Mac (McElhenney). High-pitched paint-drinking rat-killer Charlie (Charlie Day). And the bank-roll for it all, proper father turned dumpster monster Frank (Danny DeVito). The beauty of Always Sunny is not in rooting for these characters; it’s in marveling in the ways they ruin lives and destroy relationships without learning a goddamn thing.

And, whether we like to admit it or not, we occasionally wish we were The Gang. Who hasn’t wondered about a life where there’s no consequences for your actions, a cartoonish existence of cruelty that resets itself with every new last call at the bar?

Well, that last part actually depends on how open you are to getting addicted to crack.

Either way! Grab your finest rum ham, get the green man suit out of the closet, and say hi to Mac while you’re in there: These are the top 50 episodes of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, ranked.

50) Season 11, Episode 5: Mac & Dennis Move to the Suburbs

Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs
Image via FX

“I don't care if you're old, seize the gap!”

As a current city-dweller who grew up in the suburbs, I can confirm that this late-era classic absolutely nails the mind-numbing, insanity-inducing minutiae of living just outside a metropolis. Everything about Mac and Dennis’ slow descent into suburban madness is on-point. The commute filled with drivers who never learned to merge. That one chatty neighbor who is inexplicably always watering his front lawn. That one goddamn beeping noise that doesn’t seem to have a source. Always Sunny has always been surprisingly good at being a horror show and madcap comedy at the same time, and the dog-murdering, fire iron-swinging blow-up at this episode’s climax is so well-earned. “News flash, asshole!”

49) Season 9, Episode 9: The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6

Always Sunny - The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6
Image via FX

“We’re showing you a testosterone-driven, male-skewing action-melodrama.”

“The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 6”—the sequel of sorts to the epic Lethal Weapon 5 featured at the end of Season 6’s “Dee Reynolds: Shaping America’s Youth”—is almost prophetic. Who knew that the story of a few tone-deaf idiots trying to find funding for their terrible remake of a major franchise would be this relevant in 2018? But you’d have to hope that even a fan re-do of The Last Jedi wouldn’t include this much blackface. Or actor-swapping. Or extended sex scenes featuring the ungodly sound of Frank Reynolds’ love-making. (Leave in the manly shower wrestling though, that could be fun.) If anything, Lethal Weapon 6 is proof that when this group of quitters actually put their minds toward something, the result is going to be offensive to pretty much everyone.

48) Season 6, Episode 8: The Gang Gets a New Member

Always Sunny - The Gang Gets a New Member
Image via FX

“I’ll degrade myself. I’ll make a genuine ass out of myself.”

Two words: Butt Dance. Alright, a few more words: Jason Sudeikis is fantastic here as the straight-man who Mac and Dennis vote to replace Charlie. Because not only is he there to react to the gang’s absurdity, but casually points out—as a normal person would do—that life does not have to be this way. Most friendships don’t begin with Gregorian chant-rap, roundhouse kick-based rituals. Dennis doesn’t have to dictate what the rest of the gang orders at lunch (“I can have fries?!”). The crew resists this, naturally, because if it’s one thing they—and the show, in a lot of ways—resists, it’s change. But by the time they attempt to reconcile with Charlie, he’s already elbow-deep in the career he was probably born to do—high-school janitor—and power-washes his way into a genuine cliffhanger. Meanwhile, Dee almost kills a childhood hero during a musical production of Frankenstein, as one does.

47) Season 8, Episode 1: Pop Pop - The Final Solution

Always Sunny - Pop Pop the Final Solution
Image via FX

“I do not like this painting, Charlie. Its smug aura mocks me.”

The eighth season premiere is an intelligent, insanely detailed bit of storytelling for an episode that also includes the theory Hitler was driven mad by a dog painting. The painting in question began as a piece of background set dressing all the way back in the second season that the cast removed for being too distracting (and, presumably, its smug aura). Combine that trivia with Pop Pop’s box of Nazi memorabilia from Season 1’s “The Gang Finds a Dead Guy” and a flashback filmed with an older camera to make it look like 2007 and voila, you have “Pop Pop: The Final Solution.” Charlie’s nitrous-induced Bond villain threats to burn the painting—”Ryan Gosling play you? Ridiculous”—is one of roughly 100 unhinged monologues that should have gotten Charlie Day an Emmy nod.

46) Season 11, Episode 7: McPoyle vs. Ponderosa - The Trial of the Century

Always Sunny - McPoyle vs Ponderosa
Image via FX

“As the great Johnny Cochran once said, ‘If the glove doesn't fit, give up.’”

Getting someone who is unfamiliar with Always Sunny to watch this episode would be like asking someone who had never heard of dinosaurs to watch Jurassic Park. “The Trial of the Century”—which covers the fallout from Season 8’s equally batshit “Maureen Ponderosa Wedding Massacre”—is kind of like the Seinfeld finale on heroin; it’s a parade of some of Always Sunny’s most memorable characters through a courtroom that serves less as a cogent story and more as a cracked-out love-letter to anyone who stayed on this insane ride for 11 seasons. I will never, ever not laugh at Uncle Jack Kelly (Andrew Friedman) sprinting across the courtroom, cradling his fake hands and repeatedly screaming, “Nobody look!” But this ensemble episode is stolen—like a man’s eye from his head, you could say—by Oscar-winning director Guillermo del Toro as the grotesque McPoyle patriarch, Pappy McPoyle.

45) Season 8, Episode 8: Charlie Rules the World

Charlie Rules the World
Image via FX

“Rule the world, huh? Yeah, if that happens, I'll blow myself.”

In a lot of ways, Always Sunny is more a show about nothing than Seinfeld, because Always Sunny simply resets itself as the credits role on the gang’s latest atrocity. Or, as Dennis says at the conclusion of this episode, "Sometimes, things just sort of have to end." “Charlie Rules the World” is an amazing study of nothingness; the gang becomes obsessed with an online RPG, each becoming a god of their own virtual fiefdom (Dennis, being a golden god, eventually gets a blowjob from his own British doppelganger). But none of it matters. The power means nothing in the real world, where throwing a box of spiders at someone doesn’t earn you points, it earns you a drink thrown in your face. By episode’s end, you’ll be feeling apathetic enough to accept that this is all just the dream of a giant space turtle floating through nothingness. Always Sunny is a deep show, maaaan.

44) Season 5, Episode 4: The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention

The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention
Image via FX

“I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left. I'm going to get real weird with it.”

With all due respect to Walter White, the greatest character transformation in television history is Frank Reynold’s descent from ernest, well-meaning father to dumpster-banging alcoholic deviant. This comes to a head—and, shudder, a hand—in “The Gang Gives Frank an Intervention,” in which Frank’s joint-rolling, bone-roasting shenanigans become too much for even the gang to handle. Of course, an intervention on Sunny ends with an addiction counselor walking in on a red-toothed canned wine party (a great idea, for the record), but Danny DeVito as a totally unhinged Frank is the demented centerpiece here. The man is an Oscar-nominated actor who I will never stop picturing with beer foaming out of his mouth and onto his chest.

43) Season 1, Episode 1: The Gang Gets Racist

The Gang Gets Racist
Image via FX

“Looking for a new hot spot to spot that stud? Well Paddy's Irish Pub will plug that hole.”

Nothing quite sums up Always Sunny’s whole thing better than the fact the very first episode is titled “The Gang Gets Racist.” Just...blam, right out the gate, this is what you’re in for, motherfuckers. Now, the episode itself does carry that Season 1 weirdness, where the core cast are all clearly—in a general sense—terrible people, but not the uniquely-defined monsters they would become. But it’s a still a shockingly confident sign of the absurdity still to come: While attempting to convince Dee’s new boyfriend they are not racist, the gang embark on an increasingly racist attempt to change up Paddy’s clientele, which naturally transforms the establishment into a gay bar (“Lotta’ dudes.”). “The Gang Gets Racist” is one of the only episodes to end on a freeze frame, and boy is it an uncomfortable one.

42) Season 7, Episode 11: Thunder Gun Express

Thunder Gun Express
Image via FX

“I hear the guy hangs dong and I'm very interested in seeing that.”

What would you do to watch Thunder Gun Express, a film that not only features the liberal hanging of dong but is about a “warrior from a post-apocalyptic underground society who has to travel back in time to save his lover from an evil robot army”? This episode posits there isn’t anything the gang wouldn’t do to beat the traffic (thanks, Obama) and make it to Philly’s TLA on time. Steal a ferry boat. Crash a motorcycle. Swim through actual sewer waves. The only thing more impressive than the speed with which the gang beats the 24-style ticking clock is Dennis’ improvised D.E.N.N.I.S. System’ing—much more on that in a bit—of a woman he fender-bendered with his car. In the end, the gang makes their show, but a bomb call courtesy of an incarcerated Frank turns out to be the ultimate Thunder Gun’ing of them all.

41) Season 4, Episode 1: Mac and Dennis - Manhunters

Mac and Dennis: Manhunters
Image via FX

“That's not the first time you've described your life in the way of John Rambo's life.”

Mac and Dennis decide to hunt the most dangerous prey of them all: man. Or, well, Cricket, who is missing a few vital parts at this point but is still technically a human being. Still, “Mac and Dennis: Manhunters” can be boiled down to two of the most iconic images in Always Sunny’s entire run. The first, Cricket scrambling up a fire escape like a combination of Neo from the Matrix and a startled raccoon. The second—and bless Danny DeVito and his balls-to-the-wall effort for this show—Frank emerging from a pile of garbage in full Rambo regalia. DeVito’s delivery of “They. Drew. First. Blughddd.” is a flawless work of art.

40) Season 6, Episode 9: Dee Reynolds - Shaping America’s Youth

Dee Reynold: Shaping America's Youth
Image via FX

“No, please don't bathe the students.”

Yes, this episode gave us the absolute gift that is Lethal Weapon 5, the self-made and highly offensive sequel to the Mel Gibson/Danny Glover franchise. (Complete with extended, Room-style sex scenes screened for school children.) But “Dee Reynolds: Shaping America’s Youth” is more about the toxic pull that brings the gang back to Paddy’s Pub no matter what. Sure, Dee is terrible at both teaching and monologuing, and sure, it’s not completely appropriate for Charlie, a janitor, to be mentoring a young juggalo. But they’re trying, at least, each in their own backwards way, to follow some sort of dream. Of course, everyone is fired in the end—even the principal (Dave Foley) who made the mistake of letting these people into his life—because in the world of Always Sunny, trying is about the dumbest thing you could do.

39) Season 6, Episode 10: Charlie Kelly - King of the Rats

Charlie Kelly King of the Rats
Image via FX

“What is your spaghetti policy?”

What do you get for the man who has...well not everything, but he does have a baseball bat that he’s used to slaughter generations of rats in a dark, dirty basement? If there is an answer, it’s in the surprise-party-planning meets sex-luau-under-the-bridge insanity of “Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats.” Charlie Day never plays this character as all there, but the level of dirt-faced, bag of spaghetti-wielding imbalance he manages to exude here is as beautifully weird as a Denim Chicken, whatever the hell that was supposed to be.

38) Season 11, Episode 3: The Gang Hits the Slopes

The Gang Hits the Slopes
Image via FX

“Only when you are clean will you know my power.”

“The Gang Hits the Slopes” is one of those beautiful Always Sunny episodes that you keep expecting to be a dream or, at the very least, a paint-huffed delusion. But no, the gang have always been world class skiers, and Charlie is going to learn all about sex through one of the most graphic montages in FX’s history. But what makes this ode to 80’s ski comedies perfect—complete with an omnipotent PA announcer—is how it’s both a pitch-perfect recreation and condemnation of what made the Animal Houses and Porky’s of the world tick. Or, as Charlie sums it up, “Where I’m from, jamming your dick through a hole in the wall is a felony. It’s assault.” Plus, Glenn Howerton as the prototypical jock villain—spandex and all—is one of the man’s all-time great psychopath turns, and that’s saying something.

37) Season 9, Episode 10: The Gang Squashes Their Beefs

The Gang Squashes Their Beefs
Image via FX

"I hate people who are different than me. Why pretend?"   

This isn’t the first appearance of the McPoyle brothers, but it is the episode that ensured I can never watch Westworld without laughing. Jimmi Simpson and his horrific eye-patch are just so goddamn good here as Liam McPoyle, looking for an apology—and, you know, a new eye—for all the wrongs the gang has afflicted on his family (“I have no depth perception!”). This is the only Always Sunny episode that belongs almost entirely to its circus-freak cast of supporting characters. Mary Lynn Rajskub is as brilliantly unappealing as ever as Gail the Snail, but I kind of love how depressing Zachary Knighton plays the Random Guy whose life the gang ruins on a semi-regular basis without ever learning his name.

36) Season 11, Episode 8: Charlie Catches a Leprechaun

Charlie Catches a Leprechaun
Image via FX

“This is not supposed to be scary, this is supposed to be an authentic, fun time for you.”

The joy of “Charlie Catches a Leprechaun” is watching the gang once again take an idea that is technically sound on its surface—in this case, a roving bar on wheels for St. Patrick’s Day—and ruin it with their sheer inability to act normal. If Dennis Reynolds is picking up partygoers, you know the natural path leads to kidnapping, armed robbery, and abandonment. That’s just who these people are. Charlie huffing paint and believing—really believing—that he caught a leprechaun and not a dwarf dressed for the holiday is just par for the course. Dee, who has spent most of her adult life in a bar, cannot properly pour a beer from a keg (to be fair, Frank is a terrible bus driver). Really, “Charlie Catches a Leprechaun” is a treasure pot of an episode for the things we just simply understand about these characters. We are the gang reacting to Mac coming back from the gay bar covered in glitter, asking questions we already know the answer to.

35) Season 2, Episode 3: Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare

Dennis and Dee look dishevelled and ill in 'Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare'
Image via FX.

“A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?”

Always Sunny wouldn’t work if it’s main cast of awful human beings didn’t get as much as they give. What I’m saying is, this is the episode where Dennis and Dee get hooked on crack cocaine. It’s the tail-end of their spiral that starts with the siblings quitting their jobs and attempting to live off welfare, eventually discovering it won’t all be a life of paper bag booze and Biz Markie jams. “Dennis and Dee Go On Welfare” also gave us one of the straight funniest images in Sunny’s history, Mac and Charlie fleeing from prostitutes in three-piece tuxedos and top hats. Look out for Geno’s Steaks, a pleasant reminder of simpler, more crack-filled times when Always Sunny still filmed in Philadelphia.

34) Season 3, Episodes 12/13: The Gang Gets Whacked

The Gang Gets Whacked
Image via FX

“I'm a little bit preoccupied with being worried about being killed by the mob because a homeless priest ran off with all of our drugs.”

There aren’t many other shows better at escalating a situation into full-blown mayhem, so it’s no surprise that Always Sunny’s first two-part episode is an hour of uncut nose clams and chaos. When the gang unknowingly sells a bag of cocaine that belongs to the mafia, they find themselves dealing with one of the only groups of people on Earth worse than they are. That’s not to say that the gang, always up for a challenge, doesn’t give the actual mafia a run for its money. Dee and Charlie become full-blown coke dealers, naturally wrangling in Rickety Cricket as their mule. Meanwhile, Frank sells Dennis into an increasingly more lawless world of male prostitution. And because this is Always Sunny, a heated stand-off with the mob in Paddy’s Pub—featuring Frank’s genius “gotta’ light?” pistol gambit—is shrugged off with a few shots as soon as the gang can pass all the blame to Cricket. What’s a casual drug war to a crew of degenerates?

33) Season 2, Episode 9: Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody’s Ass

Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Asses
Image via FX

Rock, flag, and eagle!

Everyone immediately thinks of Charlie’s incredible ode to being badass and American when they think of this episode—rightfully so—but I’d recommend going back and watching Kaitlin Olson miraculously keeping a Mountain Rushmore-esque face of stone during Charlie Day’s entire improvised bit. It’s damn impressive, as is the fact that FX allowed a sitcom in its second season to end on a man shooting himself in the head in a game of Russian roulette. Always Sunny was pitch-black and different from the start, but this absolutely bonkers, literally zero-rules episode is a benchmark in how depraved the gang was going to go. God bless America.

32) Season 9, Episode 5: Mac Day

Mac Day
Image via FX

“Suicide is badass!”

Before he joined the gang’s favorite franchise Sean William Scott was Country Mac, a gay beer-swilling badass from outside the city. Always Sunny never truly asks you to feel bad for these characters, but “Mac Day” is borderline depressing in its demonstration that Country Mac is everything City Mac is not—i.e. content in his sexuality and able to successfully pull off an ocular pat-down—and the gang’s willingness to throw City Mac to the curb. “All these years, I thought I hated karate, and Project Badass, and God,” Dennis says, high as shit off country weed. “But what I really hate…is Mac. It’s a fascinating look at the fragile thread of shared awfulness that holds these “friendships” together, brought back down to Earth when Country Mac simply dies of a heart attack (note: this is a lot funnier than it sounds).

31) Season 3, Episode 9: Sweet Dee’s Dating a Retarded Person

Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person
Image via FX

“It's a song Charlie wrote. It's called Nightman.”

The creation of “The Nightman Cometh”—later transformed into one of the best Always Sunny episodes of all time—is a beautiful, paint-huffing sight to behold. Of course, like all masterpieces, the work’s origins are humble; it began as a song written for Electric Dream Machine, a spandex-clad power-ballad band consisting of Dennis on vocals and Charlie finding the courage to perform without a curtain in front of his face. (The band’s M.O.? “Sexual dream magic.) The scene in which Charlie and Dennis pull “Nightman” from the air like they’re Beethoven composing a symphony is, in fact, pure sexual dream magic; Glenn Howerton’s face is perfect, so sure that he is sculpting a work of pure genius when he stumbles upon the song’s trademark “ah-ah-ahhhhh.” The main plot, concerning Dee’s rapper boyfriend, hasn’t aged the best—even Sunny, in its take-no-prisoners approach, isn’t immune to the changing of the tides—but it is saved by the reveal that yes, Dee and Dennis are both terrible people who were wrong the entire time.