Call Me By Your Name is one of the more memorable coming-of-age LGBT films of recent years and a definite must-see. For the film, Michael Stuhlbarg puts on a stunning performance as the protagonist's father, Mr. Perlman. Mr. Perlman provides a positive example of acceptance in fatherhood, especially pronounced against the backdrop of 1980s rural Italy.

The film follows Timothée Chalamet as Elio Perlman, a Jewish boy summering with his family in a northern Italian village. Mr. Perlman is there to further his archeological studies. He has invited Oliver, a graduate student portrayed by Armie Hammer, to live with the family in their summer home and assist with his work. As a result, Elio and Oliver embark on a romantic summer of adventure and self-discovery.

The Adventure of Self-Discovery

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Image via Sony Pictures Classics

Throughout the first act, Elio and Oliver are standoffish. Their bickering and intense stare downs belie the two's interest in one another. What could appear to be masculine competitiveness over the women in the story is, in fact, jealousy for one another's attention. While their attraction becomes more apparent and open to the audience, they still are hiding it from those in their lives, as the film's traditional setting would make coming out more unusual. That said, throughout the film, Elio's parents hint that they know about the two's attraction to one another. The encouragement to spend time together and other signs of support from Elio's father culminates in a heart-wrenching monologue about pain and acceptance in the final act, showing that Mr. Perlman wants to foster an accepting and loving environment for his son.

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Mr. Perlman encourages Elio throughout the film. When Elio tries to make Oliver jealous by announcing he almost had sex with Marzia (Esther Garrel), his father's only response is, "Why didn't you?" You can tell from this interaction that when it comes to sexuality in general, Elio and his dad can speak more openly than many can with their fathers. Though he does not let on, Mr. Perlman likely understands Elio's intent is primarily to get Oliver's attention. By letting Elio come with them to their aquatic excavation that day, Mr. Perlman shows he is comfortable with and willing to facilitate Elio's discovery of love and romance.

A Father's Love Shines Through

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Image via Sony Pictures Classics

Another scene that illuminates Mr. Perlman's loving nature as a father comes when Elio's mother reads from a German version of an early modern French romance. The story culminates with the knight asking his princess, "Is it better to speak or to die?" Elio laments that he would never be able to speak so bluntly to someone he loves. His dad responds with words of encouragement and lets Elio know he can always let them know what's going on in his life. Following this scene, Elio and Oliver bike into town, and Elio opens up about his feelings for Oliver. Here the audience is shown a direct line between the support from his father and Elio's confidence to explore his feelings.

Elio and Oliver's romance progresses throughout the story. Another vital moment between Elio and his father occurs when the Perlmans host their friends, a gay couple, Mounir and Isaac, portrayed by André Aciman and Peter Spears (the original author of the Call Me By Your Name novel and the film's producer) for dinner. Before the dinner party, Elio and Oliver have a falling out, and Elio briefly dates and sleeps with Marzia. Elio is also insulting the two guests behind their back. At the dinner, behind closed doors, Elio's father scolds him. He tells him off for not accepting the two for no other reason than their apparent homosexuality. He also tells him off for doing so while appearing friendly to their faces. This short interaction summarizes some themes in the film perfectly. To Mr. Perlman, one should not show love for someone without internalizing support for their entire being. Here, he is letting Elio know that his love for him is not just an outward show but a reflection of his personal acceptance and support for him, whomever he may be. This show of unconditional support allows Elio to find more confidence again. He is a lively and more inviting host at the party. That night is also the first night he spends with Oliver.

Acceptance Is Part of Parental Love

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Image via Sony Pictures Classics

Later, Mr. Perlman yet again shows how easy and impactful acceptance can be in the development of any young person, especially one who is discovering their homosexuality in an otherwise unfriendly environment. Oliver must go to Bergamo for a last bit of work before leaving Italy, so Elio's parents arrange for him to go with him. They know this will be the last chance the two have to spend time together. The unforgettable trip to Bergamo, however, is not enough for Elio to deal with the pain of Oliver leaving. He holds back tears, unsure how to mourn a relationship that he is unsure he can share with anyone. After his mom drives him home, however, his dad is there to offer advice through one of the more emotionally-charged monologues in film, one that Call Me By Your Name would be remembered for, if nothing else. He lets Elio know that it is better to feel something, good or bad, than to feel nothing.

On its surface, this advice means that Elio should allow himself to grieve the relationship, because it will feel better than bottling everything up. However, it is also the first time Elio's dad is explicitly letting his son know he supports his homosexuality. He is saying that it is better to have felt the love he felt for Oliver than it is to suppress those feelings. Furthermore, he lets Elio know that he knows this from personal experience, having never had the courage to explore his own homosexuality.

Luca Guadagnino, the film's director, has stated that he made Call Me By Your Name to inform. He called it a "film for families…for the transmission of knowledge," and that he hopes "people of different generations come to see the film together." It is clear from this that part of Guadagnino's intent is to showcase the centrality of an accepting father in Elio's development to people of all generations. Call Me By Your Name makes a compelling case for fatherly acceptance as a positive force in a young gay person's life.