Sometimes a nice happy ending for a romantic couple is just what the doctor ordered. It’s nice to walk out of the theater feeling like the good guys got the ending they deserved and everyone lived happily ever after. But that’s not to say there is no value in watching a movie in which a relationship crashes and burns. In fact, it can be even more satisfying if it is done well. Here are seven examples of movies where at least one of the couples winds up dead as disco by the climax, and quite often both of them have been turned into paste. How romantic!
Thirst (2009)
Thirst is a 2009 romantic horror movie, with a pinch of pitch-black humor thrown into the mix. Written, produced, and directed by Park Chan-wook, the visionary genius behind the Vengeance trilogy, this film has a doomed affair involving vampires, but don’t let that fool you into thinking we are in Twilight territory here — this film is brutal and absolutely riveting. Catholic priest Sang-hyun (Song Kang-ho) receives a blood transfusion that turns him into a creature of the night. As if a sudden desperate desire for human blood wasn’t enough to deal with, his thirst also extends to his childhood friend’s wife, Tae-ju, and they begin an illicit affair. To go into any more detail about the plot would do this film a disservice - it is one that needs to be experienced afresh as the insanity, and the violence, unfurls.
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The Fly (1986)
David Cronenberg’s 1986 re-imagining of the 1958 classic dispenses with the tiny man’s head on the body of a fly, and instead delves into themes of diseased, decaying flesh, and watching a loved one slip away as they are attacked by their own body. Jeff Goldblum is in incredible form as eccentric scientist Seth Brundle, whose teleportation device mixes his DNA with that of a fly interloper, resulting in his body gradually being broken down to mush and mandibles. There are all manner of gooey practical effects that still hold up today and are guaranteed to get modern audiences gagging along, but it is the chemistry between Goldblum and Geena Davis as journalist Ronnie Quaife, and their believably passionate relationship that really sells the human core of the tragedy. That a movie featuring a man vomiting acid onto a doughnut before his ear falls off can leave you feeling emotionally battered about the state of his love life is a testament to Cronenberg’s mastery of his craft.
Audition (1999)
Audiences unaware of the work of Takashi Miike could be forgiven for thinking they had stumbled into a not particularly funny romantic comedy for a large portion of this shocker, but things eventually begin to drift into a weird, unsettling realm before going completely off the deep end in the not-for-the-squeamish finale. A middle-aged widower (Ryo Ishibashi) desires a new partner, so a film producer friend does the obvious thing and sets up a fraudulent audition, ostensibly for an acting gig, but actually for the “role” of his new wife. He becomes enamored with young, mysterious Asami (Eihi Shiina) and they are duly married. But what has happened in her past to leave her scarred, both physically and emotionally? And what on earth is in that twitching sack in her apartment? The fact this is one of Quentin Tarantino’s favorites tells you that you probably don’t want to know.
Sightseers (2012)
This devilishly funny horror-comedy from co-writers and stars Alice Lowe and Steve Oram and director Ben Wheatley is a psychotic twist on the classic Mike Leigh camping comedy Nuts in May. Chris (Oram) and Tina (Lowe) are a pair of outwardly dull oddballs embarking on a camping tour of England, stopping off at some idiosyncratic/tedious tourist attractions the country has to offer on the way. Aside from their enthusiastic and bizarre sex lives, there is little to hint there is anything untoward about the pair, but an incident involving littering at the National Tramway Museum (yes, this exists) leads Chris to commit murder. What follows is the most blood-soaked spree since Natural Born Killers, as the two weirdos get progressively closer to either capture or death. The juxtaposition of the mundane and the murderous is a lot of fun, and there is a satisfying twist in the closing moments.
Fresh (2022)
Another horror movie that flirts with becoming a romantic comedy for the first half hour before revealing its hand, Fresh is a superb recent addition to the world of Doomed Couples. This assured directorial debut from Mimi Cave begins with a critique of modern app-based dating and the pricks that often dwell within; when Noa (Daisy Edgar-Jones) has an impromptu meet-cute with the seemingly more mature, goofy Steve (Sebastian Stan) in a grocery store, it makes for a refreshing change, and he charms her effortlessly. But when Steve takes her on a holiday to a location he insists remain a secret, things take a turn for the decidedly macabre. The sense of humor turns sick, as will those audiences without cast iron stomachs. Highly entertaining and completely gross, this is a great date-night movie, provided it’s not early in the relationship, and you do actually know one another!
Antichrist (2009)
Speaking of great date night movies…guaranteed to give you the worst date night of all time, Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist is a harrowing, haunting masterpiece of grief-drenched horror featuring so many leg-crossingly nasty genital mishaps in the last half-hour, it should be used as propaganda for any parents hoping to keep their offspring abstinent. An unnamed couple (Willem Defoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg) make love, in the process failing to notice their toddler accidentally falling to his death from the bedroom window of their apartment. The mother undergoes a total breakdown whilst the father, a therapist, takes it upon himself to cure her, in part to help deal with his own overwhelming grief. They go to an isolated cabin in the woods (uh-oh) whereupon the therapy goes off the rails and misogyny, nature, death, and Satan attack the couple before they attack themselves. Not for the faint of heart, once seen, Antichrist is never forgotten, which is just as well as you would have to be in need of therapy to willingly go through this traumatic movie twice.
Midsommar (2019)
Ari Aster continues to go from strength to strength. The creepy, genuinely shocking Hereditory showed considerable talent and potential — potential that was realized with his second picture, the folk-horror Midsommar. Dani Ardor (Florence Pugh) is traumatized by the death of her family after her sister floods the family home with carbon monoxide fumes, taking mom and dad with her. In need of psychological support, her boyfriend Christian (Jack Reynor) is in no rush to offer anything substantial as he was already distancing himself from the relationship, partially at the behest of his dickhead friends (particularly Will Poulter as Mark), but finds himself unable to end it in light of the tragedy. He reluctantly lets her tag along on their summer research vacation to a midsummer festival in a Swedish commune/cult. Upon arrival, the group are given psychedelic mushrooms, and from that point onwards, it is unclear where the tripping ends until the credits roll. What is clear by the conclusion is that Dani is over the relationship, at least whilst tripping out of her mind. She gets to decide the fate of Christian after he is coerced into deflowering a virgin whilst under the influence, and his fate is one of the more disturbing moments in recent cinema history. As far as doomed relationships go, this one really burns down the house.