DVD Review – ‘The Wizard’

     August 31, 2006

Reviewed by Kenny Fischer

Fuck Citizen Kane.The Wizard is probably the greatest movie ever made.For the two people on the planet that haven’t seen it already, I’ll go over the amazing and somewhat profound plot for you.Jimmy (Luke Edwards) is The Wizard, a gifted kid that builds Duplo structures in an attempt to “express himself.”He has a mysterious desire to visit California.His half-brother Corey (Fred Savage) is frustrated because his mother is planning on putting Jimmy in “a home.” Armed with his skateboard and trusty blue backpack, Corey busts Jimmy out of the home. “We’re going to do a little traveling. Just you and me.””California?””Yeah, California.”

They Jump into a Wonder Bread truck, which I’m sure in no, way, shape or form had anything to do with product placement, and head off on an adventure of a lifetime. Beau Bridges and Christian, Corey’s father and brother, head out to find them.This would be bad enough, but there’s also a badass bounty hunter on their trail.This guy makes Boba Fett look like Lance Bass.Don’t let the glasses and bola tie fool you, this dude specialize in finding kids.Kids.That’s just fucked up.At this point in the film, you have to ask yourself, does it get any better than this?Oddly enough, it does.Suddenly the real star of the film appears, and this motherfucker goes to motherfucking 11.

This movie is really about Nintendo.

While Corey is trying to purchase a bus ticket, Jimmy begins to play the Double Dragon arcade game.He gets 50,000 points!A (as the back of the DVD describes her) “resourceful girl” (Jenny Lewis) realizes the insane ramifications of this specific score. It means that Jimmy is…a wizard.Scratch that, he’s not a wizard, he’s The Wizard.He doesn’t even have to turn his trendy landscaping hat around like a switch, he’s just naturally the greatest Nintendo player alive.Corey proves this in a montage set the greatest score of all time, a rockin’ use of guitar that slowly transitions into the actual Double Dragon music in a way that will blow your mind. The “resourceful girl” decides they can make a lot of money playing against other kids.

After they raise enough money, they can enter him in an epic video game competition at Universal Studios, Hollywood. After hours of research, and several phone calls, I found out that this film was released by Universal Studios, and the location of the climactic competition was not an accident.I found this somewhat frustrating, as I feel it taints the artistic integrity of this Criterion Collection worthy masterpiece.The film is basically a road trip movie, and the twists and turns it takes along the way are worth discovering for yourself.I will spoil one thing, Beau Bridges throws a shovel as if it was a spear. I’ll let you discover why once you catch it in context, but how can you miss a film where Beau Bridges throws a shovel like a spear?

You may still ask, “why is this the greatest film ever made?” You’re asking this because you’re an asshole that just skimmed over the previous paragraphs. Read them again. If you still don’t get it, you may be retarded. Still, I’ll give you more reasons if you really need them.This film features the best performance of Fred Savage’s career.This is the film that set him apart from his brother Ben as The Savage Brother (there can be only one).He has comic timing, and a handle of his character that should have given him an Oscar nomination.Jenny Lewis is also impressive as the “resourceful girl.”If it wasn’t for this film, she would always be known for her musical endeavors.Hell, she could cure cancer and she’d always been known primarily for this film.Christian Slater also gives the best performance of his career as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle loving brother, and pain in Beau Bridges’ ass.

But fuck these guys they don’t hold shit to Lucas. “I love the power glove. It’s so bad.” The kids are warned by the kid sitting at table #1 that “Lucas is awesome.” This proclamation could never prepare you for the level of awesome that Lucas operates at, motherfucker. Lucas is the only character that’s not overshadowed by the video games in the film. Double Dragon. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Ninja Gaiden. Super Mario Bros. 3. The games are like the monsters in the Godzilla films, no matter how great the humans/characters and the actors that play the humans may be, they’re still nothing compared to Godzilla, Mothra, or Super Mario Bros. 3. And to top it all off, this is the first film to employ the “twist ending” pioneered by M. Night Shyamalan. When you find out why The Wizard wants to go to California it will blow your mind.

Video / Audio / Extras

The audio and video is fairly impressive. Fuck Star Wars. I’m just glad I got The Wizard in anamorphic widescreen. The audio is Dolby Digital 2.0, which will do in this case. When the “Beau Bridges is going to fuck up the bounty hunters car because he makes money off of little kids” cue blasts through your speakers, you won’t have any complaints. There are NO SPECIAL FEATURES. I don’t even want to get into that right now…

Final Words

It’s the greatest movie ever made. I know I said it was “probably the greatest movie ever made” earlier, but I’ve changed my mind. It is the greatest movie ever made. Buy two copies in case one breaks.

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