Every now and then you see an awesome invention, creature, or piece of technology in a movie or TV show and find yourself wishing it was real.
Who wouldn’t want their own dragon? Or a time machine built into a 1980s luxury car? See how many of the things on this list you wish existed in the real world.
Web Shooters – Spider-Man Franchise
Every Spider-Man film has one thing in common: web shooters. Spider Man’s webs are somehow sticky and non sticky in all the right places (please take this sentence out of context). Having these in real life would make traveling, grabbing objects, and gunking up your enemies a lot easier.
Imagine going from Brooklyn to Manhattan with a single swing? Or traveling within Brooklyn without 50 unnecessary stops and train changes? Granted, traveling in LA would be harder because the buildings are so short, but in general, these webs make city life a lot better.
Fusion – Steven Universe
Have you ever been so in love with someone you just want to live inside their body? Or just combine with them like Voltron to join your powers and defend the universe (or get your work done faster)? With Steven Universe‘s fusion, you can do that in public without disgusting people!
Fusion would also lead to increased understanding in the medical field. If you have trouble describing your symptoms to a doctor, why not give them the actual experience of being you? (Please don’t attempt to fuse with your doctor in real life.)
BMO – Adventure Time
A game console that is also your friend? Yes please. BMO (Niki Yang) provides Finn (Jeremy Shada) and Jake (John DiMaggio) with endless entertainment and also companionship. BMO would shut up any parent or child psychologist who says you’re missing out on valuable interpersonal relationships by playing video games all day.
BMO also has a VCR for a butt and that’s fun. Plus, BMO once teleported Finn and Jake inside a video game. This is the dream.
Learning Beds – The Venture Bros.
Ok, so socialization is an important part of schooling, and Hank (Christopher McCulloch) and Dean’s (Michael Sinterniklaas) learning beds very clearly didn’t provide that. Plus, there’s some implied trauma involved. But guess where there’s also trauma involved? Actual school. Some of us would gladly bypass middle school in favor of a learning bed.
If we had our choice between being shoved in a locker and shoved in a bed that actually teaches us things while we sleep, we’d pick the bed any day. Even if the bed editorialized some of our education with opinions from our weird child star dad.
Head Museum – Futurama
Let’s say you’re a teacher. You want to “bring history to life” for your class, but you don’t want to expose your students to any reenactors. If the head museum from Futurama were real, you wouldn’t have to. Also you’d learn a disturbing amount about Benjamin Franklin’s sex life. So educational!
We’ll be honest, it might be hard as a woman or person of color to enter the Hall of Presidents in the Head Museum without feeling intense rage. But it might also be cathartic to yell at some of the heads like Leela (Katey Sagal) did. Or you can just eschew the dead politicians all together and talk to some of your favorite dead actors and writers.
Dragons – Game of Thrones
A lot of fantasy films and shows feature dragons, but few have dragons that hit a perfect middle ground between absolute loyalty and wild ferocity. The dragons on Game Of Thrones do just that. Imagine having one of your own.
Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) is often isolated by her position of authority and her dragons provide a bonding experience she sorely needs. Plus they can fly around and burn stuff. We wish our kids were dragons. In fact, we’d trade our kids in for dragons. When was the last time you incinerated our political rivals, Kevin?
Second Breakfast – Lord Of The Rings Franchise
Listen, we’d talk about the one ring, but that would create a world full of Gollums (Andy Serkis.) We’d talk about Aragorn’s (Viggo Mortenson) sword, but we barely remember Aragorn’s sword. And the elven city has too many bylaws. Nope, what we wish we had from this franchise is the concept of second breakfast!
Hobbits know how to live. Imagine it: you wake up, you eat breakfast, you have to leave for work….except you don’t, because everyone at the office is eating their second breakfast! So fry up another stack of Frumble Gloop or whatever it is that hobbits eat.
Magic Lamp – Aladdin
Most wishing devices in film and television come attached to some sort of curse. You may get your wish, but you’ll also get an ironic punishment. Or, your wish will be taken so literally you won’t get what you wanted. In Aladdin, the only pitfalls associated with the magic wish-granting lamp are that you only get 3 wishes and that the lamp may fall into the wrong hands.
Plus, the genie in Aladdin’s (Scott Weinger/Brad Kane) lamp is voiced by Robin Williams doing a complete Vaudeville act, and who wouldn’t want to summon a live comedy show at will?
Janet – The Good Place
Janet (D’Arcy Carden) contains all of the knowledge in the universe and uses it to help save the fate of humanity while simultaneously gaining a sense of self. An inherently good sentient database capable of loving the biggest dumb dumb humanity has to offer (Jason, played by Manny Jacinto), Janet is the sort of AI we strive to create.
Janet is able to summon or retrieve any object, provide information on any topic, and create a boyfriend with wind chimes in a hilarious place. Plus, Carden is just very funny on the show.
R2-D2 – Star Wars Franchise
R2-D2 from the Star Wars franchise solves a problem we’ve been struggling with in the real world: self driving vehicles. So far, every time a tech giant attempts to create a self driving car they fall short. R2-D2 (Kenny Baker, Foley Artist Making Beeps) is a sentient pilot.
Plus, R2 is able to sense danger and make tough, split-second decisions just like us humans. Sometimes self driving cars in the real world end up hurting people because they refuse to break the law. R2-D2 doesn’t have that problem – you know he has broken a buttload of space laws. No wonder C3PO is so nervous!
The Xavier School For Gifted Youngsters – X-Men Franchise
Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart/ James MacAvoy) created his university/training facility for mutants to cultivate their abilities in peace. The School for Gifted Youngsters is a safe haven for true outcasts and weirdos.
There’s a reason a lot of people tend to relate to the X-Men characters, and even if bringing this school into the real world wouldn’t involve X-Men-like mutations, we could still see a lot of students benefiting from Professor X’s welcoming institution. That said, we’d really like eye lasers too, please.
Toontown – Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Ok we’re gonna be honest. Living among sexy and/or zany cartoons you’ve loved your whole life is only one reason number we want Toontown to be real. The other reason is that this film features public transportation in Los Angeles, a fantasy we desperately need to be real.
Also we’re pretty sure that being hit on by a big nasty cartoon baby would be worth it to have Roger (Charles Fleischer) and Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner/Amy Irving) in our lives. Living among cartoons would provide vital wackiness. Plus, Jessica Rabbit was everyone’s first crush.
Magic Fish People – The Shape Of Water
In The Shape Of Water, Elisa (Sally Hawkins) falls in love with a sentient fish, who also has arms and legs for reasons that are never adequately explained. What’s also never explained is the fish man’s ability to heal people with his touch, like E.T. But we don’t need it to be explained for us to want it.
Not only does the fish man heal Richard Jenkins’ hand, but he also gives Elisa the ability to breath underwater. Imagine having a fish pal who could grant you that ability, and all he wants in return is to eat a few of your cats. That’s a fair trade if you ask us, because you can always buy more cats.
The DeLorean – Back To The Future Franchise
In the first Back To The Future, Dr Emmett Brown (Christopher Lloyd) shows a very typical teenager (Marty McFly portrayed by Michael J. Fox) a friggin time traveling car. Unlike other time machines from other sci-fi films and shows, if this existed in the real world, nobody would steal it.
Who steals a random car from the 80s? This is the only time machine that looks as though it has no resale value. And those ridiculous doors? Nobody’s gonna take that from you. You can park that time machine right on the street (and travel back in time and re park if you get a ticket).
A Working Jurassic Park – Jurassic Park Franchise
Every time Jurassic Park reopens there’s a huge yet completely avoidable problem. This shouldn’t be that hard. We have zoos. Come on. Human error putting us at risk against creatures with brains the size of a walnut? Why can’t we get this right?
For example, in the first film, Dennis Nedry (Wayne Knight,) is able to shut down the park’s power entirely by himself. Can’t we have a chain of command here? Can’t we require more than one person to shut down the power? This doesn’t seem that hard.
The Infinity Stones – Avengers: Infinity War
You can basically do anything with the Infinity Stones. Anything. We’re not saying we’re going to be Thanos (Josh Brolin) and kill half the population, but we might use the mind stone to trick our therapists into no longer charging us. Or the reality stone to get a much nicer house (or fix global warming or whatever).
We don’t have to use the power stone to fight The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), we can just use it to, like, avoid the gym. As long as the stones don’t fall into the wrong hands (not ours), we should be able to have them. Plus we could use the infinity gauntlet to crack walnuts.
Vibranium – Black Panther
Vibranium absorbs and releases all the kinetic energy in its vicinity making it an extremely powerful resource. Powerful enough to keep an African country safe from colonialism. In the film Black Panther, Shuri (Letitia Wright) works closely with Wakanda’s vibranium to create endless cool bits of technology.
Each piece of Shuri’s tech could make this list on their own, such as healing technology, remotely piloted crafts, and the Black Panther suit. Vibranium would solve so many problems we face in the modern world and even potentially global warming. And honestly we wish Shuri was real, too.
Howl’s Moving Castle – Howl’s Moving Castle
This magnificent (but run down) castle features talking fire, but rather than being trapped there like Belle in Beauty And The Beast protagonist Sophie (Chieko Baisho, Jean Simmons, Emily Mortimer) is there of her own volition. This castle moves (hence the title of the film) and features doors that lead to other dimensions. It’s filthy but it’s worth it.
Also, the castle is instrumental in obstructing an unjust war, even though it gets destroyed in the process. We’d trade in our houses in a heartbeat to reconstruct and live in Howl’s moving castle. Just kidding, none of us owns a house.
Elective Memory Removal – Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Unlike memory wiping devices in other franchises (i.e. Men In Black,) this form of memory removal is much more of a choice and less of, let’s be honest, a high tech roofie. Forget merely deleting your ex from your phone – with the Eternal Sunshine tech, you can delete them from your brain. By choice.
In the film Joel Barish (Jim Carrey,) and Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet,) had a decent relationship that fizzled out and that’s why they regret deleting each other from their minds. But, say you had a horrible relationship? Or just a crappy one night stand? Or a terrible audition for an improv troupe? This technology would be a godsend.
Acme Corporation – Looney Tunes
Cartoon physics you can actually buy! Anything purchased from Acme defies all the basic laws of nature. Imagine buying literal black holes you can peel off and stick anywhere you want!
Plus, the Acme corporation basically doles out justice. How many times has Wile E. Coyote purchased something ridiculous like a giant rubber band or a rocket or jet pack from Acme only to be given his just desserts (they probably also sell desserts.) We’re pretty sure the Acme corporation is the only reason we still know what anvils are. Actually, what do anvils do again?
Stark Industries – Iron Man Franchise
Stark Industries is responsible for the Iron Man suit, something we all wish we had. Who wouldn’t want to fly around in what is essentially an impenetrable fortress with a sassy computer inside? It probably even makes coffee.
Stark Corp is also rare in that it is a responsible tech corporation. Not only is Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) trying to save the planet in terms of renewable energy, but in the first movie he gave up making weapons after seeing the horrible effect on the world around him. Rarely is a billionaire ceo so engaged and compassionate. Also he made Spider Man’s movie costume, so that’s cool!
Secret Bowling -The Flintstones
“Isn’t bowling on The Flintstones just regular bowling?” you might ask. “Why not include the dinosaur helpers on the show?” Well, first of all, those dinosaurs are clearly miserable, and second, we want one of those Water Buffalo hats Fred wears.
People like to discuss the technology on The Jetsons instead, but we have to pose a question here: why were the Flintstones men always hiding bowling from their wives? It’s just bowling! What’s so secret and uncouth and male-centric about Flintstones bowling? They’ve also clearly built some sort of secret hierarchical society around the sport. What on Earth were they hiding in those Stone Age bowling balls? We have to know.
Invisibility Cloak – Harry Potter Franchise
Much of the magic in the Harry Potter universe (wands, horcruxes, etc.) can be misused in the wrong hands. With an invisibility cloak the worst you can be is a gross stalker, and we already have those in the real world. Imagine being able to find out what your friends really think about you, or avoid being seen by someone you hate and/or wants to beat you up.
With the cloak you’d be able to sneak out of your parents’ house and break curfew without them ever noticing or place late assignments on your boss’ desk and pretend they were there the whole time. Rather than causing trouble, Harry’s invisibility cloak can help you avoid it.
The Leftorium – The Simpsons
We might have been inclined to include Duff Beer, except we saw the episode the features the brewery and it’s nasty. Plus Duff Gardens doesn’t have what the real world’s Busch Gardens had- which was Fabio getting hit in the face with a goose. Also the Kwik E Mart seems to get robbed a lot. So instead we’re including Ned Flanders’ (Harry Shearer) Leftorium, because it actually is hard to find left handed products in the real world sometimes.
The Leftorium would probably make back to school shopping a lot less stressful for parents of left handed kids, and you’d be able to fill your home with tools, appliances, and guitars that you wouldn’t drop constantly or have to use upside-down.
Greendale Community College – Community
Greendale is a garbage place for garbage people where magical things can happen. Every community college should have a compulsory, no holds barred paintball competition every year.
Every community college’s academic offerings should be dwarfed by a mysterious and culty air conditioning repair school and be occasionally taken over by a Spanish teacher in a literal coup. And every community college student should bear witness to Betty White hitting a student in the neck with a blow dart. Ok, maybe these things would be bad for the students’ educations. But they would be super fun, and that’s just as important.
Jerry Daycare – Rick And Morty
There’s a lot of technology in Rick and Morty that ends up being faulty or detrimental or downright traumatizing, because drunken mad scientist Rick (Justin Roiland) is not the hero of the show but rather its unrepentant villain, ya jerks! But we all have a Jerry (Chris Parnell) in our lives, even if said Jerry isn’t actually named Jerry. And sometimes, we’d like to put our Jerrys in a Jerry Daycare.
It would be wonderful to drop our Jerrys off at a place where they can be safe and happy and out of our hair for a while. Let’s be honest, all the Jerrys of the world need some therapy, and this is the next best thing.
Anger Translator – Key And Peele
Let’s be honest, a lot of us need an anger translator like Keegan Michael-Key in the Key & Peele sketch “Obama’s Anger Translator.” Imagine a family Thanksgiving with an anger translator to take all the blame for all the things you wish you could say. Imagine being able to assert yourself as a marginalized person in society without getting attacked for it.
Imagine using this on your boss. The anger translator would get fired while you get that raise. You can be cool, calm and collected knowing your anger translator is there with the honest truth. If you attend a loud party that gets broken up by police, who do you think the cops will arrest – you or your bombastic, furious anger translator?
Scrooge McDuck’s Money – DuckTales
Have you ever wanted a bunch of gold you could just jump in without getting hurt? We all have. But presumably only Jeff Bezos has this technology. Squishy gold should be for everyone! Diving into a vault of gold and tossing it up in the air as if it can’t hurt you when it lands would be amazing.
Building up a substantial savings account would be a breeze, because you’d just want to accumulate more for your money bouncy-castle rather than spend it on cars or comic books or health care. Just don’t look into how Scrooge McDuck (Alan Young, David Tennant) made his money in the earliest comics (and not the cartoon Ducktales). They changed that origin story fast because it is not the whimsical adventure you might expect.
Underwater Squirrel Technology – Spongebob Squarepants
Let’s be honest – Sandy Cheeks (Carolyn Lawrence) has the most functional underwater biosphere of any tv or movie franchise (sorry, that one movie with Pauly Shore and maybe other movies). So what if it’s a biosphere made specifically for a squirrel?
Sandy is an underappreciated scientific genius and should be included on more listicles of fictional inventors for her abode and suit alone. This technology should definitely exist in real life. Even if it’s just for squirrels. They’re skittish and deserve a break. Underwater. Where they can’t steal our food.
The Holodeck – Star Trek Franchise
Pretty much everything in this piece could be recreated on Star Trek‘s holodeck. The holodeck is all about making ANYTHING we wish existed come to life before our delighted, tear-filled eyes. If you want to be a pirate captain in the 17th century, or a 1920s gangster, or Batman on a roll at the blackjack tables in Las Vegas, the holodeck could make that happen.
That said, if holodecks were real, every single one of them would quickly become awash with a plague of fully autonomous internet memes. That might be bad.
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