I'll put this bluntly: Ewan McGregor makes all of us here at Collider dot com Very Horny. From his theatrical villainy and Chris Messina relationship in Birds of Prey, to his musical lovestruck-ness in Moulin Rouge!, to, of course, his bearded Obi-Wan Kenobi in the Star Wars prequels, Mr. McGregor just has a knack for setting our, um, "hearts" on fire. So when I hear, via a chat with ACE Universe (in which he's rocking long bleached-blond hair, a beard, and Apple Airpods, my goodness), that he's joining the cast of an upcoming Guillermo del Toro, notoriously horny filmmaker (The Shape of Water, I mean, come onnn), I am eager and ready to get Super Horny! Until I learn that the film is a stop-motion adaptation of Pinocchio. And he's playing Jiminy Cricket. And now... I'm just confused.

In the Disney take on Pinocchio, Jiminy Cricket (Cliff Edwards) does not make me horny. He's a small, literal cricket who serves as our gooder-than-good narrator, Pinocchio's conscience, and singer of the Disney classic "When You Wish Upon a Star." All of this is Wholesome, which as we all know, is the diametric opposite of Horny. And McGregor's comments on inhabiting the non-horny-by-design character do nothing to hint at an inherent horniness:

I’m playing Jiminy Cricket in Guillermo del Toro’s version of Pinocchio. And that I had started working on before I left for New York, so some of that is recorded. And of course it’s stop-frame animation, so it’s going to take them a great long time to make that film. But my first part of that, which is recording his dialogue, is sort of done. There may or may not be a song that needs to be recorded. I’m not sure I’m at liberty to discuss that. Even though we're just privately talking, you know.

And yet... We know what kind of filmmaker del Toro is. We know that his version of Pinocchio is being given free creative liberties by Netflix. We now know that McGregor is likely singing a damn song. And I simply cannot help it: I am Horny Again. Curse you, McGregor! You're making me find a damn singing cricket horny! How dare you?!

Pinocchio is scheduled to hit Netflix sometime in 2021. Check out McGregor's full chat with ACE Universe below -- there is a moment where McGregor accidentally spooks his "little dog" and then apologizes that I will be thinking about for some time. For more on "should we be horny?" news, here's my colleague's objective analysis on an upcoming live-action Robin Hood remake.