When Dante Alighieri wrote The Inferno as part of his The Divine Comedy back in the early 14th century, he offered an eloquent allegory of what Hell might look like, who might be there, and more or less ranked which sin was more objectionable than another. Thanks to Dante, we have a cultural touchstone that suggests that betrayal is worse than lust, violence is worse than heresy, and that it’s better to be a virtuous pagan than to be gluttonous.

What Dante didn’t say anything about was where exactly those who wish to work in Hell might end up. Would that person fall into one of the Nine Circles, or would it be more of a punch-in-punch-out situation? Could you be in Heaven, but work in Hell? Could you work in the Seventh Circle but live in the Third? These are the important questions.

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Sensing these are questions that need answering, along comes Woodland Games’ Hell Architect, a survival-sim that tasks you with building the most efficient, torturous version of the Underworld you can. Of course, Hell isn’t yours; you’re just an employee trying to impress the boss. Congratulations, you are now Hell’s office manager. (For all of you earthly office managers out there, any similarities between this Hell and yours are entirely coincidental.)

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Image via Woodland Games

Your responsibility is two-fold: First, you must take care of the sinners as if they were Sims in Sim City. Building structures like power stations and canteens will make sure your workers are strong and comfortable—I guess pain and suffering is exponentially worse when you provide comfort first. Then comes the second half of your responsibility, which is to create as much gratuitous suffering for your workers as possible. Build them up, break them down. Rinse. Repeat for eternity. This may seem like a new experience, but you’ve done this before: Don’t tell me you didn’t wallop your Sims with every single natural disaster available after you built your thriving Sim City metropolis. You can’t help but ask what Circle of Hell that gets us thrown into.

As seen in the new release trailer, Hell Architect gives us a frantic view of the fiery depths. We watch as your version of Hell begins as a small, um, “settlement,” and develops into a sprawling, stressful landscape of suffering and brutality. The carnage that the trailer portrays is so brutal that I can’t even tell all of what is being done to these poor souls. But you get the gist by the splatterings of blood, as well as the “+10 excrement” and “+38 suffering” badges that pop up throughout.

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Image via Woodland Games

The flow of the game is centered around a steady stream of souls being ushered into Hell, while you, as the unofficial office manager, are required to quickly build structures and develop resources to keep the sludge moving through the pipes. Why it’s important to give resources to the tormented, I am not sure. What exactly is the consequence of souls in Hell not being properly cared for? What are they going to do? Die again?

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Those questions are less important. The reason they are less important is because this game is bonkers, full of morbid humor and satirical winks, never once appearing to take itself the least bit serious. Early in the new trailer, we see a group of demons huddled around a small box labeled “From Heaven.” We don’t get to see what is in this heavenly care package, but you can be guaranteed it’s something ridiculous.

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Image via Woodland Games

According to the most-recent press release, the game will feature two primary modes—campaign and sandbox. In the former, you will build up the Nine Circles through the scaffolding of, presumably, some form of narrative. Meanwhile, the sandbox mode will allow the player to build Hell from scratch, “spending a hellish eternity designing your own chaotic masterpiece.”

The sentiment of “building the Hell of your dreams” appears several times, though I have to wonder if people legitimately sit around concocting such things in their minds. (Yikes.) If the implication is referring to what I imagine some potential Hell may look like, then yes, I am guilty of doing that, but if the implication is that I sit on my couch imagining what the ideal torturous rendition of a savage underworld, capable of inflicting the most horrific pain possible on my fellow fallen brethren while I sit laughing with a feeling of accomplishment, is, I can’t say I am quite guilty of that.

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Image via Woodland Games

Legendary characters will also appear throughout your time. Described as “a motley crew of history’s most despicable sinners,” these souls will possess special abilities to aid in your development. I can’t help but wonder just how “motley” this motley crew will be, and what “special abilities” they will unlock. Plenty of historical figures would feel a little cringey should they appear, but who among “history’s most despicable sinners” wouldn’t conjure at least a little of said cringe? That we see souls tormented in Brazen Bulls, catapulted at walls of spikes, self-inflicted eye gouging, and drill-induced head explosions, I am not thinking “cringey” is too much of a concern around the world of Hell Architect. That we see, in the official trailer, Adolf Hitler mincing through the doors of Hell and being lovingly welcomed by Lucifer himself is further evidence of this lack of concern.

If it isn’t already clear by this point, this game loves its gore. The official trailer begins with the ESRB rating (“M” obviously) duplicating over and over, immediately indicating not only the impending bloodbath you’re about to witness, but also the enormous tongue-in-cheek that sits alongside that bloodbath. Nestled under the “dark humor” umbrella—a term that appears in the press release no fewer than four times—Woodland Games wants to be absolutely sure that you know this is all for laughs, and that if you take a single note of this brutal, hellish symphony to heart, it is 100% on you.

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Image via Woodland Games

Hell Architect is set for release on August 18, 2021 for PC.

Watch the new official release trailer for Hell Architect below.

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