Written by Matt Goldberg
The moderator says that today at Summit Entertainment's first ever Comic-Con presentation, they'll be showing three films: "Push", "Knowing", and "Twilight". At the mere mention of "Twilight", every girl screams and I lose my ability to hear. Thankfully, I can read lips. I think the moderator just said something anti-semetic…

Okay, hearing's back. First up, a trailer for Push.

Push

- Busting out some Clint Mansell Foutntain score.

- This appears to be the opening credits. Explain the entire premise and world within. The film is about people with mental abilities: clairvoyance ("watchers"), telekinesis ("movers"), and mind control ("pushers").

Today's panel consists of Camilla Belle, Chris Evans, Djimon Honsou, director Paul McGuigan.

McGuigan speaks about the film and tries to better explain the world and the character that inhabit it.

Honsou talks about his character, a recruiter and that his character can control people's minds.

We see a clip of Honsou's character in action. He tells a guy to eat a bullet and the guy finds that bullets are high in fiber and velocity.

Camilla talks about her character. She's also a "pusher" like Honsou.

Chris talks about his character who is a mover (telekinetic, not furniture).

We see a clip of Chris and Dakota Fanning in Hong Kong in one of the film's first action sequences. They have a brief conversation which doesn't make much sense out of context. They're then hunted by screamers, or shreikers or some other group of superhumans. Whoever they are, I just know that watching Asian gentlemen scream at tanks of water is unintentionally hilarious.

Dakota was supposed to be here but she's stuck in traffic because an oil tanker exploded on the highway. Paul talks about Dakota's character. He then somehow switches gears to talking about how they tried to do as many effects in cameras possible. I can't listen and type at the same time. It's problematic.

When McGuigan then talks about the other types of people with metal powers, the film sounds…not great. Who would ever want to be referred to as a "wiper". There's also "sniffers" and "shadows".

Knowing

Director Alex Proyas apologizes that he doesn't have any beautiful actors with him but someone screams out "You're beautiful!" Awww.

Briefly explains the film and then we see a trailer

- A crazy girl in an elementary school writes a bunch of numbers and fifty years later, it's unearthed in a time capsule. Numerorlogy happens. The trailer tries to be dramatic at the end by asking "what happens when the numbers run out?" But we already know the answer: the crazy girl's teacher took up the piece of paper. I'm not making that up. The teach took up the piece of paper and called the crazy girl a failure.

Proyas talks about working with Nicolas Cage. He then talks about other characters in the film and their relationships

Twilight

Everyone with two x-chromosomes under the age of 40 loses their shit. They start chanting "Twilight" and their ritual incantation makes a part of me die.

Introducing the panel: Taylor Lautner (Jacob), Edi Gathegi (Laurant), Rachelle LaFevre (Victoria), Cam Gigandet (James), Kristen Stewart (Bella), Robet Pattinson (Edward), author Stephanie Meyer, and director Catherin Hardwicke. All I can say is that I fear Robert Pattinson's hair.

All the actors talk about their characters which seems like a waste of time since everyone in the audience who's excited about the film has read the book and knows the characters. The audience doesn't seem to mind because they're too busy drooling over Pattinson.

We see a clip where one of the baddies throws around Kristen Stewart and does a lot of monologuing. The crowd goes nuts when Edward comes into save her. The action looks unimpressive. A bunch of fast strobing and sets breaking.

Honestly, Robert's hair is The Thing That Should Not Be. It looks like he rolled out of bed and then the bed rolled over on him. Apparently, if you want 13-year-old girls to love you, that's how you got to do your hair. Seems like a lot of work.

If we could somehow convert the lover all these girls have for Pattinson into power, our energy crisis would be over. For all time. I wish I could talk more about the film but the entire Q&A consisted of girls with braces coming up and saying that they love the film or that they love Pattinson. No question. No insight. Nothing of value. These are the kind of girls that can bring a film like "Titanic" to the highest grossing film of all time, but can't ask a worthwhile question.

I can sum up the entire "Twilight" presentation in one sentence: if Robert Pattinson is the focus, every girl in the audience shrieks. You could recreate it the process by sitting a chorus of howler monkeys in front of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". For those "Twilight" fans that were unable to attend the Con, please do this.

And when a middle-aged woman asked the guys on stage if it were boxers, briefs, or nothing at all, I think Frosty was the lucky one today.