This year, our awards coverage was more extensive than ever, and Adam, our Oscar expert, laid his predictions out over three articles. However, the humble task of sitting through the ceremony and poking fun at it for over three hours falls to me. To be fair, there are a few exciting races this year, especially Best Picture. But when it comes to the actual program, I think we're going to be rolling our eyes together as the Academy salutes "heroes", whatever the hell that means.
My live-blogging will kick in around 8:00pm (EST) and then just keep refreshing the page for my latest thoughts on the 86th Academy Awards. I’ll also be tweeting (why only mock the Oscars on one platform?), and you can follow me on Twitter at @MattGoldberg. The 2014 awards race is almost over. Let’s pull each other across the finish line with jokes, faux-outrage, and perhaps, if we're lucky, genuine happiness towards a deserving winner. The ceremony begins at 8:30pm (EST)
8:00 - Let me begin this year with a little positivity since I don't know how much I'll have left by the end of the evening. Thanks to the Oscars, I made time this weekend to watch nominees The Square, The Great Beauty, and The Broken Circle Breakdown, and they were all very good. Also, the soundtrack for Broken Circle Breakdown is a must-buy.
8:02 - There are few instances where you can say "We sat down to a 12 Years a Slave dinner".
8:18 - We just fought through 16 minutes of technical difficulties. I had so many insightful comments. You have no idea.
8:23 - Studios and networks: when you blurb random people on Twitter, it lets me know what your pushing is a dog.
8:30 - And here's Ellen Degeneres, who apparently just got done making a speech to parliament.
8:32 - "Who's the wine captain now?" Oh, it's going to be a long fucking night.
8:37 - So much mileage out of Jennifer Lawrence falling down.
8:40 - That was one soft-serve opening monologue.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR - Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
8:49 - It must have been really hard to find animated family films with heroes in them.
8:54 - We're 24 minutes into the telecast and they've given away one award. Either we'll be doing this until 1:00am or non-actors will have to keep their speeches to 15 words or less.
BEST COSTUMES DESIGN - The Great Gatsby
BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING - Dallas Buyers Club
BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM - Mr. Hublot
BEST ANIMATED FILM - Frozen
9:16 - I'm still here! Technical difficulties are ongoing, but you can still follow me on Twitter if you want the comments in real-time.
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM - Helium
9:31 - The shorts categories are going to eviscerate my ballot this year. Also, HELIUM wasn't very good.
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT - The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM - The Great Beauty
10:01 - If you're sticking with this live-blog, thank you. Updating is slow-going because so many of you are visiting this article. In short: Blame the Internet. It's what I like to do.
BEST SOUND MIXING - Gravity
10:07 - They mixed the fuck out of that sound.
BEST SOUND EDITING - Gravity
10:10 - They edited the fuck out of that sound.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS - Lupita Nyong'o, 12 Years a Slave
10:15 - Very happy Nyong'o won. It was the best of the performances, and it could mean big things for her career.
10:22 - Movie stars enjoy pizza? SO LIKE US.
10:24 - For a half-second, I thought her last name was "Boneitis" and I was so happy.
10:29 - This show has been going for almost two hours, and Bill Murray namedropping Harold Ramis was easily the best part.
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY - Gravity
BEST EDITING - Gravity
10:34 - I'm sorry. I wasn't paying full attention. Judy Garland is a hero how now?
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN - The Great Gatsby
10:58 - No. That "In Memorium" was lovely on its own. We don't need a rendition of--fuck.
11:13 - I have to admit I was a little disappointed by the Menzel's performance. Then again, if someone completely mispronounced my name during my introduction, it would throw me too.
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - Gravity
BEST ORIGINAL SONG - "Let It Go", Frozen
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY - 12 Years a Slave
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY - Her
11:28 - I guessed wrong on Original Screenplay, but I don't care. So happy it won.
BEST DIRECTOR - Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity
BEST ACTRESS - Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
11:46 - Blanchett not only gave the year's best performance, but she also smacked Hollywood in the face about the lack of female-led films.
BEST ACTOR - Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
BEST PICTURE - 12 Years a Slave
11:55 - Sorry for being somewhat quiet on this one folks, but thanks for checking in and sticking around!
And just so it's on the record, you can check out my predictions below:
BEST PICTURE
Will Win: 12 Years a Slave
Should Win: Her
BEST DIRECTOR
Will Win: Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity
Should Win: Alfonso Cuaron - Gravity
BEST ACTOR
Will Win: Matthew McConaughey - Dallas Buyers Club
Should Win: Chiwetel Ejiofor - 12 Years a Slave
BEST ACTRESS
Will Win: Cate Blanchett - Blue Jasmine
Should Win: Cate Blanchett- Blue Jasmine
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Will Win: Jared Leto - Dallas Buyers Club
Should Win: Michael Fassbender - 12 Years a Slave
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Will Win: Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave
Should Win: Lupita Nyong'o - 12 Years a Slave
BEST ANIMATED FILM
Will Win: Frozen
Should Win: Frozen
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity
BEST COSTUMES
Will Win: American Hustle
Should Win: The Great Gatsby
BEST DOCUMENTARY
Will Win: 20 Feet from Stardom
Should Win: The Act of Killing
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
Will Win: The Lady in No. 6
Should Win: CaveDigger
BEST EDITING
Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Will Win: The Great Beauty
Should Win: Omar
BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING
Will Win: Dallas Buyers Club
Should Win: Jackass Presents Bad Grandpa
BEST MUSIC
Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity
BEST SONG
Will Win: Frozen
Should Win: Frozen
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN
Will Win: The Great Gatsby
Should Win: Her
BEST ANIMATED SHORT
Will Win: Get a Horse!
Should Win: Mr. Hublot
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT
Will Win: The Voorman Problem
Should Win: Just Before Losing Everything
BEST SOUND EDITING
Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity
BEST SOUND MIXING
Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Will Win: Gravity
Should Win: Gravity
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Will Win: 12 Years a Slave
Should Win: 12 Years a Slave
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Will Win: American Hustle
Should Win: Her