Series creator Dan Fogelman has described watching This Is Us as a “contact sport,” and most people who have seen it would have to agree with him. It’s a lengthy commitment, it makes people pick favorites, and more often than not, it knocks you on your ass. Week after week for the past six years, millions of people have tuned in to this unassuming family drama with tissues in hand, waiting for whatever gut-wrenching Pearson dilemma would allow us to purge our tears and feel all of our feelings. During a time when real events and dramatized programs have desensitized us to our own traumas, This Is Us gave us permission to open the floodgates for an hour, and acknowledge the little hurts that accumulate in us over time.
The central conflict throughout most of the show’s run was each of the Pearsons’ journeys through grief after the sudden death of beloved husband and father Jack (Milo Ventimiglia). The show gave this storyline the time and breathing room that it deserved, and this allowed them to explore how grief can permeate who we are and follow us forever. However, as any viewer knows all too well, the emotional onslaught did not end here. One of the things that This Is Us did so beautifully — particularly during its series finale — was to illustrate the importance of remembering not just the biggest things in life, but every experience that shapes us.
Throughout the show, these characters went through all kinds of life-altering experiences, from miscarriages and addictions, to home invasions and emotionally abusive relationships. There are tons of shows airing these days that deal with much more grand-scale dilemmas. Planes crash, hostages are taken, and at least one person’s life hangs in ultimate peril every other week. This isn’t to say that's a bad thing. In fact, it’s the very reason we continue to watch TV shows: They excite us and keep us on our toes. Due to these high stakes, however, what these shows ultimately give us are characters who let intense trauma roll off their backs and shake it off by the next episode. More intimate experiences like the ones handled so gracefully on This Is Us are often brushed under the rug after an episode or two and then forgotten.
One issue on This Is Us that was handled with particular care was Randall’s anxiety, and how different life events caused tension to build inside him until he hit a breaking point. While dealing with work stress and the terminal diagnosis of his biological father in Season 1, we can see Randall get deeper and deeper in over his head. In one of Sterling K. Brown’s most raw moments on the show, he is paralyzed by his emotions and has a severe anxiety attack on his office floor. In the next episode, it is said that Randall was briefly hospitalized and took time off work following his breakdown, and he and his wife Beth (Susan Kelechi Watson) talk to a psychiatrist.
Randall’s anxiety continues to be a major part of his character for the duration of the show. Whether it be a teenage Randall freaking out about an essay, or an adult Randall riddled with paranoia after finding a man trespassing in his home, every stress and trauma is treated with the gravitas it deserves. As anybody who has struggled with anxiety knows, sometimes even minor setbacks can bring on earth-shattering fear, and This Is Us never diminishes that feeling. After being plagued by “what-ifs” following the break-in in Season 4, Randall attends therapy. In doing so, he attempts to unpack some of the more complicated feelings he has about his identity, his familial relationships, and his instinct that he has the power to change circumstances that are wholly out of his control. He is resistant to the therapy and even decides to switch therapists after a few sessions, showing that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to getting help.
Another character who is haunted by her past is Chrissy Metz’s Kate. In Season 4, we learn that as a teenager, Kate was in an emotionally abusive relationship with an older man named Marc. Feeling incredibly vulnerable after the death of her father, Kate’s already low self-worth was continually diminished by Marc, who talked down to her and literally left her out in the cold. Over the course of the season and into Season 5, we learn that Kate got pregnant by Marc and had an abortion. Although she doesn’t regret it and knows it was the right choice, having to make this decision by herself so young adds to the pain and isolation she felt during that time in her life. Many years later, she eventually shares this information with her husband Toby (Chris Sullivan) and is supported by him as she goes to confront the now older but still just as emotionally twisted Marc. She tells him that she refuses to keep carrying the pain that he forced upon her. This storyline, which unfolded for Kate over 20 years of her life, showed the audience that there are traumas that happen when we’re young that can set us back on our heels for years, and sometimes follow us well into adulthood. It also shows that psychological traumas are just as valid as physical ones, and there is no correct timeline in which we should deal with them.
It would be near-impossible to recount every formative experience faced by the Pearson clan and their loved ones throughout the course of this series. Rebecca missed her still-born son, Kyle, for her whole life. Veterans Jack, Cassidy, and Nicky’s trauma after fighting in wars haunted them for years, and Randall’s adopted daughter Deja mourned the life she could have had with her mother had she been able to turn herself around and be a parent. However, as we watched these lifetimes of hurt and healing unfold over six years, we were able to see the light in all that darkness. Rebecca’s devastating loss brought her Randall, and helped her guide Kate through a similar loss years later. Kevin (Justin Hartley) sees his friend and uncle struggle with PTSD from the war, and winds up helping veterans get jobs building houses. Deja maintains a relationship with her mother while finding great love in her adopted family.
When it comes to the things we can’t talk about and the memories that keep us up at night, This Is Us provided the kind of catharsis you only get when old wounds are ripped open, and you’re forced to sit with your pain. Heartbreaking as it often was, This Is Us never let us forget that joy and heartache exist in tandem. In inviting these characters into our homes every week, bit by bit, they helped us to heal, and we continued to watch because not only did we come to love this family, we saw ourselves in them.