Aliens, ghosts, witches, demons, malignant entities of all kinds… The streets of Wellington are filled with supernatural evil-doers and lost souls in need of guidance, and who better to take care of them than officers Minogue (Mike Minogue) and O’Leary (Karen O’Leary) and their ever-ready commander, Sargeant Maaka (Maaka Pohatu)? Currently available on HBO Max, Season 2 of Wellington Paranormal has New Zealand’s top supernatural task force back on the streets to keep the city of Wellington safe from all beings too threatening to be dealt with by run-of-the-mill cops. As usual, the team is followed closely by a brave crew of documentarists, who record the officers' various encounters with possessed dolls, ghost cops, missing vape pens, and otherworldly phenomenons beyond our comprehension. But even if all crimes in Wellington Paranormal tear apart the fabric of reality, not all mysteries investigated by Sergeant Maaka’s team are cut from the same cloth. Some are a lot funnier, spookier, and overall more intriguing than others. To help you keep up with the paranormal unit’s investigations and stay on the lookout for possibly unearthly foes, here’s a list of all mysteries cracked by Minogue, O’Leary, and Sergeant Maaka in Season 2 of Wellington Paranormal, ranked from the most mundane to the truly uncanny.
11. The possessed doll (“Twas the Patrol Before Christmas”)
In this Christmas special, made up of five interwoven short stories, Officers Minogue and O’Leary arrive at the house of a horror movie aficionado to investigate a report of a murderous doll that has jumped out of its gift box, claiming to be possessed. And indeed it is. In order to stop the creature from ruining Christmas, Minogue and O’Leary ruin the family’s Christmas decorations and smash the gift to a pulp. The story of the possessed doll is the episode’s weakest one, both comedy and mystery-wise. It was a Freddy Krueger rag doll. Of course it would be possessed!
10. The scary Santa (“Twas the Patrol Before Christmas”)
Minogue and O’Leary are called up to a shopping mall where Santa Claus is reportedly traumatizing the younger customers. Turns out the mall’s dyslexic representative was rushing to get a Santa at the last minute and sent out a fax for Satan. It’s an easy mistake to make, as well as an easy joke, but Wellington Paranormal makes it work. Josh Thomson is hilarious as Satan, and his jokes about working as a DJ are an oddly jolly reminder that even the lord of Hell needs a side gig these days.
9. The haunted Nissan (“The Haunting of the ‘85 Nissan 300zx Turbo”)
Why would a stolen car be a case for Wellington’s paranormal division? Well, what if the car in question made weird moaning sounds and was being driven by an invisible man? The mystery of the haunted Nissan is the most straightforward of all the creepy stories presented in Season 2. After killing himself by driving his car into the ocean, 80s rocker Shane (Joe Gordon) pays a visit to the world of the living to look for the two loves of his life: his ‘85 black Nissan and his ex-girlfriend Sharon (Renee Lyons). However, both have changed a lot since the last time he saw them. His Nissan is now lime green, and Sharon has married another man and had seven children. Desolate, Shane tries to throw the car into the water once more, now with Sharon, Minogue, and O’Leary inside. Thankfully, he can’t stand the thought of having his beloved ex considering him “a wanker”. The story has a fitting ending, with Sharon sending Shane to heaven, and the episode is great fun as a whole, but the mystery itself? Not very remarkable.
8. The missing meat (“Twas the Patrol Before Christmas”)
The paranormal unit is called to investigate an apparent meat theft at a family barbecue. When they arrive, the host, Kevin (Richard Falkner), remembers that his 91-year-old aunt has also gone missing. Could she have taken off with the meat on her wheelchair? Very unlikely. The truth is much more complicated than that. At the back of Kevin’s home, there is a hot tub-looking vortex that has already claimed the family’s cat. The origin of the vortex? Who knows! What matters is that Minogue manages to bring the meat back, to the delight of the guests, as well as aunt Flo, who is received with a little less excitement.
7. The missing office worker (“Twas the Patrol Before Christmas”)
The vortex takes yet another victim, now at an office Christmas party in which the resident clown, Jeff (Kasiano Mita), has been sucked into the photocopier while making copies of his butt. Once again, it’s up to Minogue to enter the void only to find Jeff chilling in Kevin’s real, non-vortex hot tub. All’s well that ends well, but who knows where else these doorways to a parallel universe might be popping up?
6. The missing bear (“Twas the Patrol Before Christmas”)
Sergeant Maaka presents his officers with his very first case file, a mystery he has spent decades trying to solve to no avail: the sudden disappearance of Officer Fuzzypants, the uniformed teddy bear he got for Christmas as a kid. Minogue is the one who finally puts an end to the Sergeant’s agony when he delivers the bear back to him as a secret Santa gift after bumping into it inside the void. But is the case actually closed? Sergeant Maaka sure thinks so, but Officer Fuzzypants’ turning head tells a different story. Brief, fun, and a little creepy, the mystery of the missing bear might not promise much, but it sure delivers.
5. The taniwha ("The Not Ness Monster")
Numerous people have gone missing at a beach in Tapu Point, including the New Zealand prime minister's fiancé. There's also a stolen Mazda that needs to be recovered. Smart as usual, Sargeant Maaka has the entire precinct looking for the car, and puts power duo Minogue and O'Leary in charge of the disappearances - after all, they might be related to something out of this world. Or, maybe, something very much of this world. The first episode on Wellington Paranormal's sophomore season brings awareness to the life and habits of a mythological creature of extreme importance to the Maōri people: the taniwha, a large sea monster responsible for strong tides and giant waves, sometimes seen as a protector and sometimes as a dangerous being that kidnaps humans. By the end of the episode, the team finds out they aren't dealing with just one, but two taniwha, who, alas, are not the siblings from Sargeant Maaka's story, but a couple in heat. "The Not Ness Monster" is not by any means among the best episodes of Wellington Paranormal, but it's a nice way to kick off a second season. Thomas Sainsbury makes a great comeback as Officer Parker, now a regular in the show, and the episode's recurring jokes are funny as usual. However, the mystery of the taniwha is not as compelling as it could be, especially after the creature makes its full CGI appearance. Maybe the couple's future baby taniwha will strike more fear in viewers' hearts.
4. The Briannas ("Fear the Briannas")
High school is never easy, and, in Officer O'Leary's alma mater, the Briannas are there to make sure everyone has a terrible, traumatizing time. Previously bullied for their nerd status, Brianna A. (Rosie Howells), Briannah H. (Neenah Dekkers-Reihana), and Bree-Anna Q. (Alice May Connolly) decide to become the bullies themselves after an incident in the school library's section on folklore and witchcraft. Together, the three girls terrorize their classmates and steal chips from nearby shops. And not even Wellington's finest are able to scare them into good behavior. Though they are a bit susceptible to heartfelt speeches about being kind and true to themselves, a good talking-to isn't enough to change the girls' bloodthirsty ways, as O'Leary quickly discovers. With chilling Village of the Damned-like hairdos and the recklessness of adolescence on their side, the Briannas are a terrifying monster-of-the-week that would not look out of place in a straight-up horror show.
3. The phantom cop ("Mt. Victoria Hooters")
Sometimes, solving a problem might cause even bigger issues down the line. Take Minogue and O'Leary, for instance. Not five minutes had passed from the moment they put a warning against unnecessary horn honking at the entrance of Mount Victoria tunnel when a man on a scooter was knocked down by an old-timey cop furiously blowing on his whistle. Killed while on traffic duty inside the tunnel, Officer Miller (Mark Mitchinson) is determined to turn Wellington back into the city it was back in the 1930s. In order to do so, he goes around imprisoning college students for dressing like "dirty harlots" and closing down bars for being open past 6 p.m. The day is saved by Sargeant Maaka and an old law about malicious bellringing. With a funny and intriguing mystery that hooks viewers from start to finish, the episode gets even spookier once you discover that it is somewhat based on a true story. It just goes to show that the unnecessary horn honking isn't always unnecessary.
2. The clones ("Copy Cops")
The pod people from Season 1’s “Cop Circles” are back in full force for an episode that has the creepiest opening scene of all Wellington Paranormal so far. “Copy Cops” begins with O’Leary and Sargeant Maaka at the morgue, standing over a sheet-covered body that is revealed to be that of Officer Minogue. The problem is Minogue isn’t dead. As a matter of fact, he pops up at the morgue soon after the coroner removes the sheet, unsure of who that strange fellow on the table is. Things get even weirder when the officers move the sheet a little bit more, revealing blurred genitalia with a clear green tint. The investigation takes the paranormal unit back to the New Zealand countryside, where the body snatchers that had stolen the looks of Minogue, O’Leary, and the Sargeant are putting together a clone army to take over the world. With a plot just as funny as it is thrilling, this action-packed episode ends with a surprise twist that proves slugs aren’t as useless as Minogue believes them to be. But are the plant aliens really gone this time? That remains to be seen…
1. The missing electronic devices (“Mobots”)
Can a robot uprising be considered a paranormal case? Well, probably not, but it’s not like the New Zealand Police has an anti-Terminator squad, so when old cell phones, fax machines, and used vape pens start disappearing in a suburb of Wellington, it’s up to Sergeant Maaka’s unit to find out what exactly is up with that. To crack the mystery, Minogue and O’Leary set up camp at O’Leary’s mom’s house - possibly the most mortifying part of the mission for the officer. For the rest of us, however, “Mobots” has many other spooky moments in store and a fairly unpredictable plot. First time watchers are sure to jump out of their seats when O’Leary’s old Nokia phone begins ringing and playing the snake game after 13 years with no charge, and the robots made out of old electronics are pretty striking for a show with so little production value. The final minutes of “Mobots” have viewers on the edge of their seats as Sergeant Maaka’s IT guy works on a computer virus at a realistic speed, and Minogue and O’Leary try to take out the evil robot the old way. Thankfully, obsolete technology is obsolete for a reason, and people all over the world can let out a sigh of relief knowing that the end of times has been averted. However, if you still have a drawer of old electronics somewhere in your home, let this episode be a reminder to recycle them before they decide to recycle you.